Under the Blue Moon

Chapter 3

By the time you arrive home, it is little after 3:00 PM. You decide to stop at the grocery store to buy all the ingredients that you will need to make dinner for tonight and at least five different freezer meals. You did this at least once a month. You'd come home for the weekend, make an absurd amount of food, and freeze it all, so that your brothers at least got a handful of days off from having to make dinner for themselves. You wish you could do this every weekend, but it just isn't possible.

When you arrive home, you honk your car horn to tell your brothers that they need to come downstairs to help haul in the groceries. The first one to appear out of the kitchen door is Tanner. He runs to you with his arms wide open and hugs you. You loved that he is still young enough to give hugs freely. The two older ones would give you a quick hug before you leave, but when you arrive, what you get is a little chin-tilt towards you and a quick, "It's about time you got here." Tanner grabs some grocery bags and walks back into the kitchen. And when Tanner emerges again, he brings with him Peter and Warren. The boys bring in rest of the groceries.

Before you start dinner, you decide to go see your mother. She is still in bed asleep in her bathrobe that isn't entirely clean. Her hair is stringy and greasy, and she appears to have lost more weight. Walking up to the bed, you softly lay your hand on your mother's arm. You say, "Mom. Mom. I'm home. I'm going to make dinner. Do you think you can join me and the boys for dinner? Mom!" She only stirs and rolls over onto her other side. You think, "Do I call her doctor?" You go over to her bedside table and see the antidepressants that she is supposed to take. The bottles look half empty, but you don't know how long they've been there.

You seriously consider getting her some professional help, whether she wants it or not. However, the one thing that you are worried about with regards to getting your mother the help that she needs, has to do with the fact if the treatment recommendation for her is an inpatient psychiatric hospitalization for treatment, your brothers, who are all minors, will most likely be put into the foster care system, albeit briefly. And you would rather quit school and come home than to see that happen. You know that Pete will turn 18 in a few months, and you plan to wait until then to call for help. And that's if she doesn't improve on her own. In the meantime, you are going to come home every other weekend. You think, "I can't leave these boys in this house all alone that long."

You get into the kitchen and start dinner. Peter, Warren and Tanner are all in the kitchen helping you cook. Tanner decides to play some music on his portable speaker and the four of you have a spontaneous dance party. That's a thing that you started after your father passed away in order to keep the boys' spirits up. Now, whenever you are home, one of them will inevitably yell out "Spontaneous dance party!" and the four of you go into the goofiest dances anyone can possibly imagine.

You make a giant meatloaf, five pounds of mash potatoes and gravy, green beans, and apple pie for dessert. You thought there would be some leftovers, but 3 active teenage boys can put away food like nobody's business. You don't try to wake up your mother again. So, the four siblings share a happy and noisy dinner. You check in with every one of them.

Peter has made all-state for the past three years for track and field and there is no doubt that he will make it again this year as a senior. Last year, a local newspaper did a story on him for winning just about every meet they threw at him. Watching him run the 400-meter hurdles is an absolute joy to be hold. He makes it look effortless. Peter looks like he is floating downstream in water. You are in absolute awe, every time you get to see him compete. Of course, he runs all the time, but he somehow comes more alive when he is competing. You are so proud of him that you can hardly contain yourself. You have been worried about college for the three boys. But looks like Peter will have a pick of his school with a full ride for track.

Warren is on track to be the valedictorian of his class. Taking all AP classes with a cumulative GPA of 4.0, he has always been a reserved and gentle soul, but he became a little more closed off to the world when your father had his stroke and became abusive. When he passed away, you could tell something changed in him. You try to call and text Warren a bit more often than you do your other two brothers. Even though Warren is two years younger than Peter, he is a Junior in high school. He was always brilliant and with his birthday being in December, he started school a year earlier than other kids.

Among his friends, he is the youngest one, but the most mature and the smartest. But the thing that you are most thankful for, when it comes to Warren is how he took care of Tanner when everything sort of went to shit at home. You were so scared and constantly worried about just keeping the family together that it was hard to make sure everyone was equally taken care of. You didn't even have to ask Warren. He just took it upon himself to look after Tanner. Even now, Warren checks Tanner's homework daily and makes sure that Tanner is getting all of his needs met. You have this brilliant and sharp memory of watching Warren tuck Tanner into bed at night. At thirteen, he was tucking in his 9-year-old brother into bed. After witnessing that tender moment, you cried your eyes out that night. You cried because of the brotherly love that was so evident, and because Warren had to do something that an adult should have been doing. All of you had to grow up so fast and before your time. But now, to Tanner, Warren's word was law.

Of course, the baby, Tanner. He has been growing like Chernobyl's radiated weed. He is going to turn thirteen soon and he is already 5'9" and without a doubt, the best looking one out of all 4 of you. He is a good student and started his freshman year in high school this year. He is running for the president of student counsel, and from the looks of things, it is pretty much in the bag. He is popular, easy with a smile and sweet as pie. That's probably why the girls are usually all over him. You are not sure if you should give him the Birds and the Bees speech yet or not. You didn't have that conversation with Peter, but you did with Warren. You think, "Maybe I'll leave that conversation for Warren to have with him."

It seems like Peter's and Warren's college is pretty much paid for. And you still have several years before you have to worry about paying for Tanner's tuitions. You hope that by that time you would either be in your last year in Law school or have completed it, maybe even employed full time. Whatever happens, you promise yourself that the boys will get a college education.

Saturday is spent cooking all day long. You had to return to the grocery store to get more ingredients because you still had some time left in the day to make one more meal that can be frozen for the boys. Sunday morning was spent cleaning the entire house from top to bottom. That was about the only thing with which the boys didn't keep up. So, every time you came home, you would do a major cleaning.

By the time 3:00 PM rolls around, you are a bit tired, but you aren't going to let the boys know that. On the way home, you cashed your most recent paycheck and before you leave to go back to school, you dole it out to the boys so that they can have some spending money. Warren and Tanner are always reluctant to take it, but with a bit of pushing, they accept it. Peter, on the other hand, fights you tooth and nail every time. Some of the times he would give up and take it, and other times, you would have to sneak into his room and stuff the money into his wallet when he isn't looking.

With all of that taken care of, you feel much better about heading back to school. It's always so hard to leave these boys.... These young men. You tell them that for the next several months, you'll be coming back home every other weekend and that you'll be making sure a lot of the dinner was taken care of for them. There are hugs all around and you get in your car to make the five-hour drive back to school. You watch them in your rear-view mirror, getting smaller and smaller and you can't help but worry about them.

The car you are driving used to belong to your father and Peter is driving your mother's car. You think, "I need to figure something out for Warren. He is getting his license soon and he'll need a car to get around. Especially, once Pete goes off to college." You make a mental note to start saving for a used car for him. You worry about money all the time. You want your brothers to be able to have all the things that his peers get to have. You know you can always dip into your father's insurance money, but you are holding onto that for a rainy day. You tell yourself, "Instead of working three nights a week, I'll make the 4th day a regular thing." By the time you get back to the dorm, it is almost 9:00 PM and you are beyond exhausted. You decide to take a shower and crash into bed, and almost instantaneously, you fall asleep.