Learning to Let Them In | Fourtris

Chapter 36

Tobias's POV

It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and I know that Tris is having a hard time too. But unlike her, I stay still and breathe evenly. She tosses and turns until she eventually goes still. I listen to her breathing and hear it quicken periodically only to slow back down a moment later. Eventually, her breathing starts to match mine and the bed sinks down more as she relaxes. I don't know how she did it - how she managed to just turn the reason behind her restlessness off just like that and go to sleep. Frankly, that scares me a little bit. Who knows what else she shut off?

"I love you, Tris." The words escape without my permission, but it doesn't bother me all that much. Tris is asleep; it's not like she could hear it. No matter how true the words are, I don't want her to hear them right now.

I feel bad: extremely guilty, extremely remorseful - bad. The problem is, I'm not sure how much of what I said I actually meant. I know I meant it when I said I will always care about her, and I know I meant it when I said that it hurt when she constantly lies to me, but other than that, it's hard to sort the rest out.

No matter how worrying all of the other stuff is we fought about, the one thing I'm worried most about is the part when Tris told me that she can't tell me what it is she went to go get because it's illegal. Then again, I'm not 100% sure that she was telling the truth. It still worries me. She said she could tell me in a week. What does that mean? What kind of law has a time frame for what and when you can tell people?

I let out a sigh. Who knows if we can fix this?

I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep again. I do what she did; I match my breathing to hers. Somehow it works, and I fall asleep.

I must have been too emotionally exhausted to wake up because little did I know that while I was asleep, she woke back up, shouting my name.

Tris' POV

We're back in the hotel alley, fighting. I'm not sure how we got back here. But words are flying back and forth between us. It's then that I realize I'm speaking without telling myself to.

"You don't get it, Tobias! You'll never get it!"

"Get what, Tris?! Get that you don't care about me?! Get that you'd rather let me go than tell me the truth?!"

"That's not what I sai-"

I'm stopped short by a gunshot. I let out a scream and duck my head instinctively. My eyes go wide as I hear a familiar chuckle from behind. Eric.

I immediately look in front of me to Tobias, but he's on the ground, covering his stomach. I drop beside him and take his hand away. I feel myself pale as I see what he's covering; he's the one Eric shot.

His eyes are full of pain, and he's weak already. I shrug off my jacket and put it under his head, starting to cry.

"I-it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine," I shakily say.

I push my hands into his wound, trying to stop the bleeding. But I realize a few minutes later that it's not doing any good. I start to cry even harder.

"Tris," Tobias gasps.

I look up at him, tears blurring my vision as I see the state he's in.

"I love you," he says, but I can tell it takes a lot of effort.

"No, you can't do that! Don't give up on me. You-you have to stay alive. I-I need you. Don't do this. Don't do this to me," I sob.

His hand limply reaches up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful."