Learning to Let Them In | Fourtris

Chapter 46

Tris' POV

I've been lying awake for hours now, guilt, self-loathing, and anger filling me. I've cried my fair share of tears tonight. Every time I think of what I did—how I let Oliver take me on a date, how I led him on, how I led myself on, how I let him kiss me—I want to either burst into tears or scream profanities until my throat is raw. I've only done the former so far, but my anger has now come to a boiling point making me wonder if the latter will come shooting out of my mouth before long.

I huff and sit up, throwing the covers off of me. I plan to just go to the bathroom and refill my cup of water, but I catch a glimpse of the black curtains and quickly change my route.

I quietly storm my way through the house knowing that at one o'clock in the morning it's unlikely that either Tori or Caleb will wake up to the sound of footsteps. I wrench open the hallway panel and quickly make my way down the stairs, my subconscious mind praying I don't fall.

I don't.

Luckily for me, Tobias hasn't come down here since last night so the makeshift lock he created is still tampered with by yours truly. I slip my way through my door and across to his. It's only when I'm halfway up that I realize I will have to navigate my way through his house until I find something familiar, as I don't know which room the passage spills into.

It seems that his panel is exactly like mine, so I can at least open it without a problem. It opens quietly and shuts just as quiet. I find myself in a dark hallway that I don't recognize; I must be toward the back of his house. I run my hands along the wall to help guide me until I find an open doorway, which leads to the living room.

Good. I know where to go from here.

I make my way to the kitchen then turn right so I'm headed for the stairs. I float my way up, even though I'd rather stomp, my face burning with determination. I let the red, hot anger at both Tobias and myself show through a scowl.

I open and shut the door to his room, not making a sound. I make my way to the faint outline of his bed and flip on the lamp beside him, light replacing the nearby shadows. I get a glimpse of Tobias's sleeping face, but I now stare at it with seething anger instead of compassion. I can't see his blue eyes, as they're closed, and it subconsciously reminds me of his double...whom I've now let kiss me out of pure spite.

A fresh wave of anger rolls over me and without another moment of hesitation, I slap him. A short thwack sounds, and he startles awake immediately, his hands flying up to cover the spot where my hand met his skin. I feel guilty, but not nearly as guilty as I probably should. The sight of his dark blue eyes relieves me, and I feel just a tiny bit of the anger ebb away. When they finally focus and he sees me, his face morphs into one of shock.

"Tris, what are you-"

"Get up," I hiss. His eyes widen, and he has the decency to at least look guilty. He knows why I'm here. "Get up!" I say more loudly than before. "You and I are going to talk!" He sits up, wincing, and frantically reaches his hand up to cover my mouth. I clench my jaw and throw his hand off only to have it cover my mouth again. "Tobias!" I shout irritably, but it's muffled due to the heavy hand blocking the source of the sound.

Tobias scrambles upward, not so gracefully I may add, and apprehension fills his eyes. He keeps one hand on my mouth and uses his other to not so gently shove me toward his closet. I fall, also without grace, as he pushes me in. He goes to close the door but has to stop because of my foot in the way.

"Tobi-" I begin to shout, but he simply uses his hand to muffle the noise again. I grit my teeth as I once again throw off his hand. I glare at him.

Either my glare doesn't bother him or he simply chooses not to acknowledge it, because instead of acting like any normal person would in this situation, he squats down and leans forward to kiss my forehead. I frown, my anger turning into confusion. There's something in his eyes that I've never seen before. I thought the fear in the very depths of his eyes was because of my unexpected confrontation, but I now see it's more of a blind, frantic kind of fear, and it throws me off guard.