Learning to Let Them In | Fourtris

Chapter 18

Tris' POV

I wake up from my sleep. I counted my nightmares. I had over 10 of them. So I had a great night's sleep. I look over at the time. 5:30am. I lay back down in gbed and feel tears in my eyes forming. I wish I could be happy. I'm 17 now. But it doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse. I start sobbing. I turn into my pillow and clutch it to my chest while sobbing. I immediately wish that Four was here. I really could use some of his comfort right now.

I finally get the first round of sobbing over with and take deep breaths. I sit up and look around the room. But it makes me think of them. Everything in here reminds me of them. The pictures. The piano. The books. The clock. Everything somehow ties into a memory. The pictures of happier moments, the piano duets with Mom, the book-lover that I called my brother, the clock reminding me of the time of the crash. It was around 5:30pm when last saw them all eager and happy. The last time I saw them walk through the front door after work and school. And that's when Round 2 of sobbing starts.

After I'm done with that round, I realize that I need to do something that distracts me from everything. I'm afraid I will have a meltdown if I stay here all day. I look over at the time again. 6:04 am. I get up and walk down the stairs as quietly as I can, trying not to wake Tori up. But once I get downstairs, I see a figure sitting down on the couch very still. I walk over to it and see Tori sitting there, with tears silently streaming down her face. She looks at me and immediately I feel a tear drop from my face. I feel Tori's arms go around me. I wrap mine around her a second later and we both hold each other while we cry.

Once we are both done for crying at the moment I know that I can't be here. I can't do this all day. I get up without a word and walk into the kitchen where I know a clock is. It's only 6:15. Only 6:15. I walk back to the living room and sit down next to Tori. She turns to me with a tiny smile. "Happy Birthday," she whispers. I feel the familiar sensation of tears burning in my eyes. "What time was it when you checked Bea?" "6:15. It's probably 6:20 now though," I whisper back. She nods and says," I don't want to do this to you, but they couldn't find another substitute for me today. I have to go to the school. Will you be okay here alone?" I know I wouldn't be okay here with Tori. But now that she is going to be gone, I have no clue what I will do. I was going to ask if we could get out of the house, but that is not an option now. I guess I only have one more thing that I can think to do. "I'm going to school too."

greatHer eyes shoot the widest I think I've ever seen them. "I don't know if that's a good idea Tris…" she trails off. I start to cry again. I know it's not a good idea. But I can't stay here. "Why do you want to go to school today?" I hear her ask me. I start sobbing. In between sobs I manage to get out the reason. "I can't do this anymore Tori! I can't stay here! Everything reminds me of them. Everything!" She embraces me and I repeatedly keep whispering, "I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I can't do it."

After a while I stop sobbing and I sit back up straight. Tori nods and says, "You can go if you feel that you absolutely need to. But I'm not going to say that it is a good idea. It's up to you." "I want to go Tori." "Ok. Then get upstairs and start getting ready."

I get up off the couch and start getting ready as if it was a normal day. I get dressed in black jeans and a black burn through long sleeve shirt. I put my hair in a ponytail and go back downstairs. I go and sit back down on the couch because Tori isn't down here yet. I walk into the kitchen and see that it is 7:13. Maybe I can convince Tori to go early. She usually has to be there early anyways, so maybe I can just hang out in the art room while I wait.

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs. I look up and see Tori ready to go. She still has to eat breakfast first, but other than that she is all good. She walks into the kitchen and gets a bowl and some cereal out. "Sorry. I don't feel like making a meal today." "That's ok. I already ate some apple." I wince as soon as I say it. That was a lie. She turns to me, looking suspicious, but she must just let it go. "Ok. Do you need a ride today?" "Ya. Actually, I was wondering if I could go with you early today and just sit in the art room until everyone else starts showing up." She looks at me and takes a deep breath through her nose. She pours her cereal out and I think she is going to ignore me until she says, "Sure. That's fine."