Learning to Let Them In | Fourtris

Chapter 48

Tris's POV

I should be calm.

I have nine friends (Oliver had requested to be here as well, and I agreed under the condition that he would finally man up and call Sam), my older brother, and the closest thing I have to a mom beside me. All eleven of them are here. For me. All of them are supporting me; all of them understand why they're here; all of them know exactly what it is that I'm going to be dealing with; all of them are here for me. It's something I can't quite wrap my head around.

Zeke and Uriah were trying their best to put a smile on everyone's faces, especially mine. And, dare I say it, it worked. The Pedrads had a certain way of creating laughter in any given situation—it was something I was grateful for now. Because while you could still feel the tension and anticipation of what was to come in the room, it wasn't as tangible as before. And, not only was I laughing and smiling, but I also had a certain someone tracing slow, smooth patterns along the palm of my hand.

Lexi and my lawyer, Lysandra, a lovely woman that I couldn't help but get along with, both told me that my case was very strong, especially with Eric's guilty plead for the other charges. They had plenty of evidence, including that damned video that I still couldn't bring myself to delete, to convict Eric on the charge of rape and some other charges that I won't bother to name. They told me that this should be a pretty quick case, 'in-and-out' they called it, and that they understood I would be stressed because, let's face it, there was no way I wouldn't be, but that I shouldn't over-worry.

In other words, I should be calm.

I am not calm.

Each unsteady breath I take makes me want to scream; my heart is pounding so quickly that I'm sure it's bound to beat right out of my chest; my stomach is twisting and turning with a ferocity that is hardly known to me; my fingers are shaking in Tobias's clutch on them; my lip is bleeding from where I've been biting at it; and, last but not least, my legs are numb—though that might be because of the amount of time I've been sitting on this wooden bench.

Any time now those doors will open and it will be time for me to finally face the ghost of my past. One of them, anyway. I will have to look into those blue-green eyes that haunt me with every turn, that find their way into my dreams more often than I'd like to admit. I will have to be strong—stronger than I have ever been. But I'm on a clock. I can't be strong forever. It's a fact that I'm going to fall apart; the only thing I'm not sure of is when that will be.

I take a deep, shaky breath in the hope that it will relieve some of the pressure on my chest. It works for a few moments as I reach the peak of my inhale, but as I exhale I can feel the tightness forming again, constricting the amount of air I can get in and out of my lungs. Then a thought occurs to me.

"How am I supposed to walk?" I wonder out loud, but luckily everyone else is too caught up in the punchline of some joke Zeke is telling to notice. Everyone but Tobias, that is.

The man in question chuckles despite the seriousness of my question. He places a kiss on my temple and says just loud enough for me to hear, "I think you'll be surprised at what you can do."

"I wish that were the case," I mumble, watching his slender fingers run along the lines of my palm.

"You'll be okay," is all he says in return.

I roll my eyes. "Thanks for the advice," I say with the most amount of sarcasm I can gather.

He chuckles again. "Did you want me to tell you to stand and put your right foot forward, then your left, then your right, then your-"

"All right, all right, I get it," I interrupt and can't help but smile a little. "You'll be there the whole time?"

"I'd sooner wet myself than leave," he says with a glint in his eyes.