For Centuries - Season 3 [Completed]

Episode 9

"No surprises", Radiohead

On August 31rst 2022, I woke up. It feels weird to come back to this journal as if everything had just been temporarily interrupted. But it is not exactly what happened. I was gone, for good.

I cannot really remember where I was. They said it was four years. For me, it was more though. It felt like an eternity. It is one of the few clear things that come back to me, this feeling of endless time.

It is not real memories, more like the impression of being connected to something elsewhere, and to some pain that was and still is. I can write it, but actually, I am not sure I can say it.

I have not said a word since my return yesterday. It is not that I cannot physically speak. It is not that I do not want to. It is that I cannot.

I feel like something has changed in me, and I do not think they can see it. Aidan, Amaury, and James look at me with this love in their eyes but I feel like a million miles away.

When I woke up the day after my return, Aidan was near me. It took me some time, but I understood where I was. My body ached at first because I had not used it for so long.

When I was able to look Aidan in the eyes, I felt he was relieved. Very slowly, he came closer to me and then hugged me. It was a lot to feel him again. There was joy for sure, but so many more emotions with it.

"Take your time, my love," he said.  "Whatever you need, I'm there."

He prepared breakfast for me. Everything felt weird except the feeling of safety I had when I looked at him.

He asked me if I wanted to see Amaury and James. I nodded, and he called them.

When they saw me, there were tears in their eyes, but they kept their distance. They understood I needed some space. At the same time, I was longing for connection.

Aidan held my hand. The contact with his skin made me feel anchored as if I needed to know I was there for good and that I was not going to disappear into the Void again.

After a while, Aidan and James left the room to talk for a minute and I looked at my hand, now free and alone. Amaury immediately saw that. He kneeled in front of me and took my hand in both of his. I smiled at him and he sat beside me while putting his head on my shoulder. Then I wrapped my other arm around him and kissed the top of his head.

Aidan and James came back.

"What do you think about going to The Pearl tonight?," James said. "Maybe it could make you feel better, to be where you feel most at home?"

"Don't you think it's too early?" Amaury asked.

I put my hand on his arm and he understood I wanted to do this.

The truth was I desperately needed to get out to believe that I was really back, to find the strength to walk again into this world and to be alive.