For Centuries - Season 3 [Completed]

Episode 19

"Map of the problematique", Muse

For Anna's birthday, we all gathered at Amaury and James' penthouse. I was very tired because of everything but I was there for Anna's sake. Of course, I tried to keep appearances intact though, as usual.

Lucas was visiting from New York where he had finished his first short film. I was glad to see him. He was still as shy as he was before, but not when he was with us. "I'm comfortable with you. You're my family," he said.

"Even with me?" James asked. "I'm tragically losing my edge. I have to do something. A ritualistic orgy in the middle of the living room, maybe." Everyone laughed. "Yeah, I'm definitely losing it," he added with a dramatic sigh.

The afternoon was going pretty well. We even improvised a karaoke session after having eaten the beautiful birthday cake made by Yon.

But I felt dizzier and dizzier. I looked at Lucas and said: "Ethan, sweetie, can you bring me some water, please?"

Suddenly, the room went quiet.

"What is with the faces? I cannot ask my son a glass of water?"

Lucas looked at Aidan, with distress in his eyes. "Elise, it's me, Lucas," he said.

"What?" My eyes were locked on him and I suddenly realized what had just happened. I tried to mask it and smile. "Right, Lucas, of course. Sorry, I am a little bit tired."

Everyone kept on looking at one another, and I sensed a feeling of panic overwhelming me.

"Darling, are you okay?" Amaury asked.

"Yes, of course, I am fine."

Aidan stared at me before lowering his head and saying very quietly: "You are not fine."

I did not answer. James put a hand on his best friend's arm, trying to stop him, but he pushed him away.

"You are not fine," Aidan said louder. "Talk to us, talk to me. Tell us what's going on in your head. I'm begging you."

The stress made me snap. "What is going on? You want to know what is going on? What is going on is that you brought me back."

Their face went blank. I had said it. I regretted it as soon as I had said it but it opened a breach I could not close now.

"I was ready. You had no right. Not after..." I paused. "Not without him."

Aidan's face contorted with sadness. Amaury took a step toward me as if to say something but he stayed quiet. I faced him and said coldly: "I told you it was my choice. I asked you to accept it."

"Well, I didn't," he screamed at me.

And I slapped him. I stepped back in shock at what had just happened. "I am sorry. I did not want to."

He stared back at me with so much pain in his eyes. James did not say anything but he took Amaury's hand. They all seemed frozen in disbelief, sadness, and concern.

"What were we supposed to do?" Aidan finally said. "Giving up on you even if there were a chance?"

"Yes, I wish you would have."

"You don't know what you're saying," Aidan said with a harsher tone. "You're high."

"Yes, I am, because now, I am here, in constant pain, with this remnant feeling of the Void like a cancer in my mind and my body. I cannot shake it off. It is like a direct line to a chaos you cannot imagine. I am losing it. I am losing myself."

I felt so dizzy I stumbled and put my hands on my head. Aidan tried to reach me but I pushed him away. "Leave me alone," I screamed.

He stepped back. I looked at him with tears on my face. He was shaking, not knowing what to do. I could not bear this situation any longer and I left the apartment in a hurry.

I felt sick. Sick of how I had made the persons I loved the most feel. I had all these sensations and thoughts eating me alive and no way to keep them shut. And I wandered like a ghost in the streets of Paris, trying to catch my breath, until the dead of the night.