Social Suicide

F O U R : Unfounded

SOCIAL SOLITUDE: ARISTELLE
Thursday, October 18 2018
I awoke with a splitting headache and groaned when my eyes met the bright morning sun.
I didn't know how I got home.
Maybe a cab? I don't think I would've called Elijah. I was in no mood to deal with anyone yesterday.
Rolling out of bed, the last thing I recalled was ordering my fourth drink.
Checking my phone told me it was almost eleven and I had three unread text messages.
(11:21pm) Eli: Hope you're not wrapped around a tree
(8:22am) Molls: Elijah just called me. Let me know if you want me home
(10:03am) Eli: Since you didn't drag your ass to school, I'm coming over around noon
Son of a bitch told Molly. I'm gonna kill him.
My eyes rolled instinctively before replying to him.
(10:42am) Stella: Don't bother. Meet me at Einstein's
After ordering my usual breakfast and sitting at a two-seater table in the back, my chin was set on my palm while I rested my eyes.
"Hey, Avery," a low English accent greeted. I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was.
I didn't move an inch. "Spencer." I felt the bench sway as he sat across from me.
"Sorry I didn't leave a note or something before I left. I kind of overslept and had to rush to practice."
My eyes snapped open. "Before you what?"
He didn't answer right away, clearly confused. "Before I left your flat."
"You were at my place last night?" I blinked. Was it Spencer who brought me home? "You spent the night?"
Why don't I remember this at all? My head started to spin.
"Yeah. I drove you home from River Room." He paused to chuckle. "You must've really been smashed if you can't remember."
I gave him a blank stare. "Did, um... Did we...?"
He smiled, in the most genuine way I'd ever seen on him. "No. We just slept."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and shut my eyes again. "Did I thank you for taking me home?" I wondered half-heartedly.
"You did."
"Good. What are you doing here?"
"Lunch with some lads from the team." He jutted his chin in their direction and my eyes followed. I noticed Matt first, and my mouth ran dry—he was already staring, making a point to wink when our gazes locked. I turned back toward Spencer before bothering to see who else was there.
He stood up. "I should get back. Just wanted to see if you were alright. You're coming to my party this weekend, yeah?"
"Don't I always?" I retorted without looking up.
Now that he was out of sight, I began to panic again. What led to him bringing me home? How did he bring me home when my car was home with me this morning? What did we do at my place? Where did he sleep? What did we talk about?
What did I tell him?
Absolute dread washed through me.
"What the fuck, Aristelle?!" Elijah's voice screamed, disrupting the quiet eatery. He sat in front of me. "Where the hell did you run off to?"
"Shut the hell up. I have a hangover."
"Good!"
"What do you want?" I took a bite of my bagel and slid the tea I got for him toward his side of the table.
He stared at me with wild eyes. "Are you kidding? You ditched me yesterday. I couldn't get in touch with you for twenty-four hours. I thought you—"
"That won't happen again," I interrupted him, flashes of what happened freshman year invading my mind, then changed the subject. "I went to River Room. I appreciate you looking out for me, I do. But I'm fine."
He stood, and the metal bench screeched against the hard floor. I cringed, my head pounding again. "You know what? Fuck this. I'm tired of caring about you more than you care about yourself." He stormed out without another word, earning stares from other customers, including Matt and Spencer.
I laid my cheek on the cold table. My phone's incessant buzzing shook it underneath me.
"Hi," I answered.
Molly's voice was full of relief. "Elle! You're okay. What happened yesterday? Elijah wasn't too specific."
"The devil spoke to me."
She was quiet for a moment. "Oh. For a second, I thought you were drunk and talking about the actual devil." Her sweet laugh made me smile. "What did he say?"
"'Hey, Ellie.'" I shivered. The nickname Matt gave me is haunting. He was my first college boyfriend and he's, thankfully, the only person who ever called me that.
He was the point of no return. I started drinking, stopped caring about right and wrong, and about people's feelings other than my own and Molly's. And occasionally Elijah's, though it never seemed to be enough.
"I wish you would've called me."
"I know. I'm okay, really. Got it out of my system... I'll talk to you later. Love you."
"I love you."
I hung up and forced myself to finish my food despite the fact that I was starting to feel sick. I needed something in my system to soak up all the liquor and caffeine.
On my way out, I noticed Spencer look up at me from my peripheral before I slung my jacket over my shoulders and stepped out into the light rain.

By three o'clock, I was sitting at my desk in my room, going over future assignments. Molly was still out somewhere with Tyler, so I had the house to myself again. I wasn't a huge fan of that, so I needed to keep my mind busy.
As I was making dinner, I heard the sound of Molly's key turn in the door.
I paused stirring to smile at her. "You look happy. How's it going with Ty and his new place?"
She opened the fridge and pulled out a lemonade.
"Amazing. I forgot how easy it is with him. He's been gone for so long."
"Four months is a long time?" I raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yes!" Her demeanor changed quickly as she got a good look at me. "Anything new for you in that department?" she inquired suggestively.
"You think that would change without your knowledge?" I purposefully evaded the direct question. Half because I didn't know what to say and half because I wasn't ready to hear her commentary about it. I didn't look at her when I spoke, but I knew she knew it was a lie. Usually she let me be when I didn't want to talk about something, but I could feel it in the air today. She needed to get something off her chest.
"Really?" she teased. "That's not what it seemed like to me this morning."
I forced my eyes to meet hers. "What?" I asked, monotone.
"Holden Spencer? He tiptoed out of your room at, like, five A.M."
What the hell do I say to that? "Uh..."
She continued. "And he knew my name somehow? I've never spoken to him."
I shrugged. "I didn't tell him... I don't think. I got pretty hammered last night. He offered to take me home."
She practically squealed. "Tell me everything!"
"I have to ask him myself. I don't remember much between midday yesterday and eleven this morning."
She gasped. "You didn't sleep with him, did you?"
"He says we didn't. I'll get the full story from him at the party tomorrow. Do you wanna come with me? You can bring Tyler."
She sat on a barstool with a nod, watching my movements carefully. "Where's Elijah today?"
I sighed. "We got in a fight earlier."
"About?"
"My behavior yesterday. He says he's tired of caring about me more than I care about myself." Dramatic little bitch. "I didn't know what to say to that, so I just let him walk away."
I took a small spoon from the cutlery drawer and filled the dough.
She lowered her voice. "Because you were drinking?"
I raised my eyes at her for a second. "No, he didn't know where I was going. He was just pissy because of the way I left. He could tell I was mad... like I was that night. I didn't feel like explaining, of course, so I just told him to fuck off. I guess I deserved what he said."
She huffed. "I wish you wouldn't always give him a pass. I know he doesn't know what happened in high school, but he knows you've been through a lot regardless. He doesn't need to be a massive asshole all the time."
"Yeah, try telling him that. Look where it got me."
She pondered that for a moment while I turned on the stovetop and set the now empty mixing bowl in the sink.
"What are you making?"
"Ana ravioloni." My mom's specialty ravioli dish.
"Want some help?" she offered.
I snorted. "What, burning the water?"
She lightly slammed the lemonade bottle on the table, pouting. "That only happened twice."
I laughed, feeling a weight lifted. Oh, how I love this woman.
"Can you take the garlic bread out of the oven, please?"
"You sure I can handle it?" she commented under her breath as she walked around the counter.
My grin only grew.