Social Suicide

T H I R T Y - S I X : Time Can't Stop Me Quite Like You Can

SOCIAL SURRENDER: SPENCER
Tuesday, December 25 2018
"I love you, too," I told her, waiting for her to end the call first. I never wanted to miss anything she may add.
I missed her voice. I missed her hugs, and her scent that reminded me of home. It may have been a quiet place, but it was a happy one.
I finally heard the dial tone, letting me know that my mother had hung up.
I heard the bell ringing downstairs, but didn't move to open it. I was in no mood to see anyone today. It was probably just someone here to see the boys for their annual holiday barbecue. I never joined. I wasn't much into Christmas.
There was a knock at my bedroom door. I stared at it, willing them to go away; I told them not to bother me today.
They knocked again. And again. "Fuck off!"
On the fifth, I couldn't take it anymore. I rose from my mattress and stormed toward the frame, throwing open the door.
I had to lower my eyes to see who it was, and all else went silent.
A symphony of dark hair, and irises capable of captivating the world's endless ocean. They finally looked up at me.
Aristelle. Why is she here?
"Avery—"
"Why haven't you returned my calls?"
"'Cause I don't want to talk to you," I replied, my voice dead.
She huffed, frustrated. "I didn't try enough for you before. Now you're mad at me for trying too hard?"
"I'm not angry, Aristelle," I corrected her. It wasn't a total lie, but I also wasn't sure how to explain it to her.
"Then why—"
"I'm hurt." You hurt me. I'm yours, but you're not mine. Why did you leave?
"Are you done with me?" she finally inquired. "Are we done? Or do you just need space to hate me for a while?"
All I could do was stare at her. She didn't know the half of it. I had trouble putting it together myself. I whispered, "I do hate you. But I'll never be done with you. I just never thought the worst thing you could do would be to me."
She shook her head and sighed. "At least you're alive to hate me. I need you to understand that what I did, I didn't do to hurt you, Spencer. Whatever you think you would have done in my situation—and I hope you never have to... you can't possibly think you would've done anything different in an attempt to protect me from someone you feared. I wish I could explain it to you. But I would do it all over again if I needed to."
"I can't let you do that." I grabbed her wrists and pulled her into my room with me. I locked the door. "You're right, I can never truly fathom, because it was your life and not mine. But things have changed. It is my life."
I kept her face in my hands, noticing our eyes were the same now—scared, determined, watery. She let her head fall to my chest.
"You're trembling," I noted.
"No kidding." She released herself from my grasp, and I looked away as I spoke again.
"I just wish..."
"What do you wish?" she asked softly.
I wish that I never met you. That I didn't know what love was. That she wasn't too damaged for her own good. That she still had her mom.
I didn't know how to tell her that I knew everything. When she said Daniel's name that night, I didn't know how to react. So I didn't react at all.
The media was shockingly kind enough not to release Elle's name. Perhaps it was simply due to her being underage when it happened.
I found out a week after Matt put her in the coma. I was looking through her things to find her something comfortable to wear home from the hospital—wishful thinking on my part. I came across a shoe box full of photos and certificates and newspaper clippings. It just kept getting worse the deeper I dug into it; I couldn't stop myself.

MOTHER OF 3 STABBED 17 TIMES IN HER HOME
— November 29th 2013
A beloved Anesthesiologist of Ochsner Medical Center was found brutally murdered this morning. Anastasia Lorelei Avery, a 38-year-old mother of three, was discovered in her bed by her youngest child. An autopsy has been ordered and a time of death is undetermined at this time.

MINOR SHOT IN WHITE CASTLE HOME
— December 5th 2013
A 15-year-old girl was discovered to be unconscious by officials who arrived on the scene. They received a phone call from the girl's friend when she arrived home from school. The bullet allegedly pierced her chest, and the back door was broken into. The suspect fled the area before the friend arrived. Names are unable to be released at this time.