SOCIAL SOLITUDE: ARISTELLE
Tuesday, October 30 2018
This was the last thing I wanted to do.
The absolute last thing.
But here I stood. About to break Zander Jackson's heart. Again.
Two years ago, I would have rolled over dead before even considering this. I didn't know if I'd be able to look him in the face afterwards.
"Can we talk about something?"
Zan shook his head. "Anything."
I fumbled with the ring on my index finger, itching to stall any way I could.
But as I stared into his sweet eyes—the only sweet part about his appearance—I knew I couldn't. I couldn't even form the words. I didn't want to think them.
He was too special to me. I could not lose what we had, one way or the other.
I told Molly and myself that I wasn't going to make the choice between him and Spencer. But what I had yet to realize was... that was a choice, too.
It wasn't even between Zander or Spencer. It was me. I was the common denominator, I was the problem. It was both, or it was neither.
"You know what? It's nothing."
The relief in his stance was instantaneous.
It had the opposite effect on me. There was no win here. By doing this, three people lose. Which, in hindsight, was pretty stupid. That much I knew.
If I chose Zander, my life wouldn't change much. Spencer and I would probably go back to hating each other. I'd see Zan just as much as I do now. I know him already; I know how he would treat me.
And if I chose Spencer, my life would never rest. We would never be still or calm. It would be constant, ever changing.
It would be louder, a series of adjustments with our clashing personalities. Like two sides of the same coin. We're both angry and unapologetic.
I would never know peace. But that part would still be true without him.
"Are you sure it's nothing?" he pressed. "It seemed important. I know what you look like when you get worried."
Damn him for making this harder.
Zander was the sun. But that didn't make Spencer the moon. No, he was in a whole other galaxy, in a whole other universe. A rocky surface, scorching to the touch. You never knew which Holden you were getting one day to the next.
I didn't want to be Spencer's friend. It would be all or nothing with him.
As for Zander, being friends was all I knew, it was a thing I valued.
"I'm sure."
YOU ARE READING
Social Suicide
Mystery / Thriller[Loving him meant risking everything. Loving me would kill him. Losing him would kill me.] ⠀ Aristelle Avery finds herself in a constant battle of love and pain when her horrifying past threatens her family and the new life she's made for herself in...
