Social Suicide

T W E N T Y - E I G H T : Eyes Never Lie

SOCIAL SOLITUDE: ARISTELLE
Wednesday, December 12 2018
The days passed in a blur.
I spent Sunday in bed, Monday watching movie after movie at a theater by myself, and Tuesday I decided to start at a Barnes & Noble and end at a bar playing pool for money. I won over four hundred dollars.
This morning was different.
For whatever reason, as soon as I opened my eyes, I started crying. I mean, bawling. It was finally hitting me how badly my life had fallen apart.
Part of me knew my decision to leave was a little extreme. Molly could've been right, I guess. The person on the phone could have just been someone with a keen voice.
But no matter how much I wanted to follow my heart and ignore my head, I had this gut feeling that danger was near. And if I was at risk, so was Molly. That's what made me leave.
The tipping point was Spencer. He said all the right things—but those things also terrified me. The way he looked at me as he watched me go... I didn't know if I'd ever be able to recover from that.
If I stayed, we could never enjoy a moment together without me looking over my shoulder. If I left, he would never forgive me. I couldn't win with him, and that drove me crazy. I hate him almost as much as I want him.
There was a knock on the bedroom door.
I was staying in their guest room. Luckily for me, they had still been looking for a roommate to fill this fourth bedroom before I came along.
I sighed in self-hatred. I'd probably been crying for a solid half hour, so I knew my face would be all red and puffy for whoever it was. How inviting. "Come in!"
It was Mercury. She took one look at me, sat on the edge of the bed, and hugged me. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"No," I sniffled and released her. "But it's the way it is."
"It's nothing that can be fixed?"
"That's just it, M. I thought it was. I thought this part of my life was over."
"What was over?" she inquired. I could tell she was trying to be gentle about it.
I knew I needed to get it out. "Did the twins tell you anything about what happened to our mom?"
"Esmeralda told me the gist of it when it happened... But what does that have to do with what's happening now?"
The one time I wished my big sister would've opened her trap about my business is the one time she didn't. I didn't feel like getting into the details of it, but I wanted Mercy to actually understand what I was saying.
I lowered my left sleeve to show her my scar. "Before or after this?"
She squinted her eyes and leaned forward. The space between her eyebrows crinkled. "What is that?"
Oh, jeez. "Okay, so a little less than the gist. What exactly did Mer tell you?"
Her tone kept changing. I assumed she was looking for the right words and she didn't want to offend me by saying something specific. "That he was looking for Ana. He found you instead... That he made up stories about their relationship before you were born, and about his life to lure you in. That he was planning on... offing you both, and that a few months later, he stalked you and somehow ended up dead." She met my eyes again. "I'm pretty sure that was it."
I nodded slowly, wiping the last of the tears from my cheek. She knew less than I thought she did. "I'm the one that killed him. I pushed him off a cliff that he chased me onto."
She blinked at me, not able to get a word out.
"And this," I touched the scar, "is from him shooting me three months earlier. I was in a coma for a month. The rest of what she told you is right. But now... I don't know what to think."
Mercy cleared her throat. "Think about what?"
"He's supposed to be dead." I tried to fight it, but flashes of the day rushed to the surface. "He is dead. I identified the body, and the DNA test came back positive for relation," I ranted. Daniel's body washed up on the shore the next morning, nearly unrecognizable. Because of that, the coroner suggested a DNA test to be sure. It was him.
"I'm confused. If he's dead, what are you talking about?"
"Because if he's dead, who called me?" I questioned rhetorically. "I answered a phone call the day before I came here. It sounded just like him."
She hummed. "Hard to ignore that DNA test."
"I know I'm probably being irrational, but I can't explain it. However it could be, I just felt like it was him. I didn't know what to do, so I did the only thing I'm good at—leave."
"You're being too hard on yourself, Elle." She took my hand and set it between us. "So you needed to escape for awhile, so what? You'll figure it out."
"Yeah? You think so?"
"Of course not. I know so." Her voice was so soft and compassionate. In all the best ways, she reminded me of Molly. They knew just what to say to make sure I felt heard, justified, and comforted.
I squeezed her fingers. "Thank you."
The cool tones of the newly risen sun consumed the darkness of the bedroom through the one window I didn't cover, making this side of the room glow.
This felt like a moment, one I couldn't push away and ignore. Mercy looked down at my mouth and my breath hitched.
I had never looked at her this way. She'd always just been my close childhood friend, one of few. We had plenty in common before we parted ways a few years ago, and now it was like we were getting to know each other again, just in a different light.
I felt more vulnerable than I had in a long time.
Our lips met and a fire erupted between us. I rested my fingertips under her chin and she reached up to hold my neck with the hand she wasn't holding mine with.
She let out a few quick breaths. "This is probably not the best time to be doing this."
"Totally, the worst." But we didn't stop.
It wasn't rough and overly-passionate, but soft and sensual. It felt good, being here with her. It felt right.
But it wasn't right. As soon as we parted and I looked into her eyes—her green eyes—the fire went out.
I knew my heart was meant for another.
The realization made me dizzy.
I smiled sadly at her and changed the subject. "So why did you come in here? Before I distracted you."
"Nothing important. I was just gonna ask if you wanted to get breakfast with me and Max. Des has class today, so it'll just be the three of us."
As if on cue, Maddox burst into the room. "I was coming up here to see what was taking so long, but now I get it." He leaned against the bed post. "I didn't want to interrupt. That was hot."
"You're disgusting," she jeered with a smile.
His grin was just as affectionate. "I know."