Social Suicide

S I X : Venus And The Moon

SOCIAL SURRENDER: SPENCER
Friday, October 19 2018
Under normal circumstance, I would have denied hosting a birthday party for someone who didn't go to school with us, but as a favor to Kelso Grimes—a member of my football team—I had to make an exception. His girlfriend, Lola, was turning twenty-one, so Grimes wanted to go all out. I was happy to oblige.
This didn't feel like a normal weekend party. Or a normal week in general. That same foreboding sense I carried with me on Monday hadn't subsided.
I never intentionally ignored a gut feeling, but I didn't know what to do about this one anyway. Something was changing, that's all I knew.
It was almost eleven, so the frat was packed. There was only one person left I was waiting on to arrive.
Just as the thought came to me, she walked in the front door. I stood at the top of the stairs as she and her small group piled inside. Guests shoved their way around me, but I didn't care.
I descended when she took off her jean jacket and shook her thick locks out of their hair clip. "Avery!"
She took notice of me, snatched my solo cup and tipped it between her lips until it ran empty.
I then took notice of her friends. Her roommate smiled at me.
"Molly, welcome." I nodded at the guy on her arm, Tyler Phoenix. What a coincidence, I thought to myself. I hadn't seen him in almost a year. The two turned toward one of the refreshment areas, but Avery stayed put.
"Can we talk?" she asked, forcing her voice to carry over the loud room.
I didn't hesitate. "Follow me." I spun back the way I came and she followed me up to my bedroom. "What is it?" I asked her, already knowing the answer. I was stalling, trying to buy more time to figure out how to phrase it right.
"I need to know what happened that night."
"What night?"
She lowered her chin slightly with widened eyes. "Wednesday. When you spent the night at my place. Tell me everything."
I gave her a playful smile. "Everything?" I took note of the way her blue eyes were different shades. Or perhaps her left eye seemed darker because my orange lamp was on her right side. I stepped over to my bed, gesturing for her to sit next to me. "I was meeting someone at River Room before I ran into you. You couldn't even stand straight, so I offered to take you home. I made you coffee. We sat on the couch and watched something for half an hour, then..." I paused.
"Then?" she prodded, her pupils dilating as she looked over at me.
"You attacked me," I joked. Apparently not very well.
"I did what?!"
"Not violently," I reassured her with a laugh. "You kissed me."
Avery looked away from me instantly.
I admitted, "It took me a second to catch my breath, but I kissed you back."
"And then?"
I shrugged, not sure how else to put it. "I pulled away. I didn't think it was right." Her gaze stayed glued to the hardwood floor. "But you asked me to stay, so I did. I didn't want to leave you alone while you were in a bad way."
"Is that all? What did we talk about?"
"Not really anything in particular. You did tell me about Castro, though. I'm sorry he did that to you." My jaw tightened. "I doubt I know the whole story, but I know he's a dick and that's enough."
Avery stood to leave. "Thanks."
"Hey, wait." I reached for her arm and pulled her lightly so I could look at her again. "You alright? Did I say something wrong?"
She looked confused. "It's not that. That chapter of my life just isn't one I particularly like reliving"
"Of course. Apologies." Our postures relaxed, and my fingers eventually found her palm.
Her tone changed. She sounded almost... sad. Nervous. Scared? "Did you drive my car or yours?"
"Mine. I walked back to get yours after you fell asleep. I found your key in your jacket." It wasn't a big deal. I jog five miles every day anyway.
She stood there silently, but she didn't pull away from my touch.
I thought Aristelle Avery hated my guts. But maybe she's just like that with everyone before she gets to know them—distant, blunt, sarcastic. If only she had known that I was...
I mentally shook my head. I'd never stared at someone this way before. What could she be thinking? "Aristelle?"
"Mm-hm?"
I bent over as slowly as I could, waiting for her rejection. Surprisingly, that wasn't the thing that ruined the moment.
"Denny! You in there?" Castro relentlessly knocked on my door.
"'Denny'?" She laughed. The Avery I knew was back. It took her a beat to recognize the voice. She reacted expectantly—she turned to the door and recoiled back half a step with wide, frightened eyes.
That only made me angry.
Castro continued, "Come on, man, the birthday girl is requesting your presence!" We could both see when he walked away. Avery looked visibly relieved.
That told me everything I needed to know. If he ever mentioned her name again, I was going to pummel him.
She met my worried eyes and darted hers away again. "I should go."
"You don't have to."
"Molly's probably looking for me," she claimed as she walked out.
I stood in place for a while, wondering what came over me. Just like I thought Avery hated me, I hated Avery. She kept to herself mostly, like a hermit. She was a stone cold bitch and she liked it that way.
I wasn't sure if it was just because she was intoxicated, but the night I took her home from River Room changed everything for me.
Wrong. I was so very wrong.
Turns out, she's not the worst company in the world. She's funny, she's carefree, she's got the most contagious laugh of anyone I'd ever met. I felt like myself with her that night—the version of me that few people get to see anymore.
I found myself downstairs again, deciding to get my first drink of the night. The cup Avery took from me when she arrived was just for show. I think it was a cherry vodka sour?
I caught eye of Zeke Benjamin, a basketball player I'd recently added to my roster, in the kitchen. "Hey, man," I greeted warmly, grasping one of his shoulders. I leaned a bit closer. "Sorry I haven't called."
He laughed heartily. "No worries, Spencer. I had no expectations."
I twisted around to scan the room when I heard bottles clinking. Avery was standing by the far countertop, sifting through her options. They were pretty limited this late into the party.
Whatever she chose, it was clearly unpleasant.
Deciding to help her out, I tapped some beer into a solo cup. I wasn't sure if it was her thing, but it might help the burn in her throat.
"Try this," I offered, reaching around her back to slip it in her hand. It looked like I snuck up on her. "It's a tad less extreme."
"Thanks."
"No problem." I raised an eyebrow, noting that she was alone. "I thought you ran off to find Molly?"
She nodded. "I found her. She's playing the game with everyone."
I leaned into the kitchen counter. "And you don't like games?"
"Actually, I don't."
I lifted the vodka bottle to my mouth, taking a step back. Nasty stuff. "Hm."
I was the one to walk away this time, wanting to make the rounds to see everyone I hadn't yet. I might as well stop by the fire pit out back to extend my birthday wishes to Lola Dubois.
Grimes was sitting closest to the back door. I put a finger to my lips when who I assumed was one of Lola's friends spotted me, then pounced on Kelso's shoulders. He jumped forward with a yelp, causing a stream of uneven giggles. Most of them looked younger than the legal limit.
"If any of you children get busted, you never met me. Understood?"
"Yes, sir," the girl to my immediate left agreed, scanning me up and down.
I rolled my eyes. "Happy birthday, Miss Lola." I grinned at her. Kelso introduced us last year. She was a sweet girl.
She returned the gesture. "Thanks, Holden."
"I'll be upstairs if you need anything, man."
Grimes finally calmed down and lifted himself to sit in his chair again. "Appreciate it, asshole."
Upstairs, I spotted Castro and his girlfriend, Angela, emerging from the bathroom. I tried to turn a corner before he could see me, but I was too late.
"Denny! There's my boy. What are you doing up here, all by your lonesome?"
I sighed. "I live here."
"Holden Spencer, at his own party without a lady?"
Angela stayed glued to his arm. "What a shame. Want to come have some fun with us?"
"Pass," I told her. Not that Castro would've agreed anyway, the homophobic piece of shit. And I wouldn't touch any girl he's touched, either.
"Of course. You're too caught up with that girl."
I stared at him. "What girl?"
He faced Angela, all charm fading. "Hey, babe. Grab us a couple drinks for the road, will you?"
"Okay," she complied buoyantly, kissing his cheek. He didn't return the enthusiasm.
When she was out of earshot, his body language changed. "You think I don't know you've been slumming it with Aristelle Avery?" he asked darkly.
"What business is that of yours?" I replied calmly.
"Plenty, actually. See, you're forgetting... I know her. That girl is trouble."
"Please. You know her?" I couldn't help but chuckle. "You had, what, four months with her? Most of which you spent with this cheerleader." I nodded my head in the direction Angela went.
"All I'm saying is, don't waste your time. That prude isn't for you."
"No. She just wasn't for you, and you can't stand that, can you? Bite your tongue about her, or you'll wish you had."
"Why? What are you gonna do?" He grinned confidently. "You're not gonna hit me. You're too afraid of getting kicked off the team."
"Consider yourself lucky."
"Right, because otherwise you'd go for it? It's not my fault you're a pussy. We've talked about her before. You never questioned my judgement."
I took a step aside him. "Fuck off. She's not who you said she was," I seethed.
He put a hand on my arm to keep me from walking away. "Well, if you're just doing this to get in her pants, don't bother. She's a good tease, but that's all. She'll never give it up."
That did it.
I gave him a sharp glance before my fist landed with a hard thud on his jaw. Castro stumbled back a few feet, then looked back up at me with scrunched eyebrows over teary pupils and a red face.
"Son of a bitch—" He tackled me, knocking over a side table in the process.
We rolled around a couple times until two nearby guests pulled us off each other.
"Get off me!" Castro yelled.
"That's enough!" the one behind me ordered, who I recognized to be Zeke.
I fought against his hold. "Don't you ever speak about her again, to anyone."
"I don't need to talk about Ellie. Just tell her to watch her back."
I scoffed. "You and your empty threats. You're nothing but a low-life coward."
"Walk away, gentlemen," demanded the guy holding onto Castro.
"Fuck this." I turned on my heel and fled down the stairs to look for Avery.
She was no longer in the kitchen. She wasn't with her roommate or in any of the bathrooms. I searched the backyard and the front porch. For whatever reason, I thought she might have gone back to my bedroom, but she was nowhere. Nobody I asked had seen her.
I didn't want to worry Molly. I hoped Avery wouldn't try to walk home; she'd had at least three drinks.
On the off chance she'd be that stupid, I got in my car and started driving around the nearby blocks. When that proved useless, I decided to wait at her home.
I parked in the lot across the street and made my way over and up the stairs. Three knocks, no answer.
Taking a seat against her apartment door, I put my head in my hands. Either she'll show up or Molly will.
By nearly one o'clock, I was alerted by someone's presence—a gasp.
Avery. I stood and leaped forward to hug her. "Where the hell have you been?!"
"Uh..."
"I was driving around looking for you for two hours! I came here, you weren't here." I raised my arms and let them go at my sides. "I thought something bad happened to you."
"Why were you looking for me?"
"Um, you're drunk?" Is she kidding? "You're alone at night on the streets?" Should I keep going?
She stepped around me to unlock the door. "I'm a big girl, Spence. I can handle myself."
"Drunks can't look after themselves. I don't care how strong you think you are." I leaned over her kitchen counter.
"I'm hardly drunk," she corrected me. "Walking out there in the cold sobered me up for the most part. One cup of coffee and I'll be fine." As she spoke, she started her espresso maker. "You never answered me. Why were you looking for me, Spencer?"
I kept my gaze carefully away. "To ensure Matt stayed away from you," I admitted under my breath.
"What was that?"
"I wanted to make sure you were safe," I reworded to her.
"Why now? Why are you showing up for me now? What's changed in the last two years that I've known you?"
Hell if I know. "I dunno."
"That's not good enough."
"What do you want from me?" I went over to her side, trying to remain calm. I was right about one thing—she was frustrating. "Why isn't it just enough to know that someone cares for you? Why do you need an explanation? Sometimes there isn't one. Sometimes people care simply because they want to."
She didn't hesitate. "Because people can't be trusted." Her eyes flickered back and forth between mine. "Why were you arguing with Matthew?"
"What?" I took a seat behind the bar.
"Before I left, I went upstairs to find you. You guys were yelling and then you punched him. I didn't want to get involved, so I went home."
"Oh. That. He was being pompous. I had enough, so I knocked him out."
Her brows lifted. All annoyance from her face disappeared. "One punch and he was unconscious?"
I smiled. I knew she'd get a kick out of that. "Mm-hm. You still mad at me?"
She held back a laugh. "No. Thanks for that."
"He had it coming."
I observed her stretch to grab a mug from an upper cabinet. It seemed like a struggle; she had quite the height impairment. "You want some?" she asked.
"I'm all right, thanks."
"You're not buzzed?"
"Not at all. I had two sips of vodka." Barely. "I don't like getting drunk."
"Why not?" she inquired incredulously, teasing intended.
I followed her to the couch. "You ask a lot of questions."
I deflected on purpose. I didn't have an acceptable answer for most people. It was simpler to just not answer at all.
I watched her watch a show in the small living room. She didn't make any noise, but the slight movements in her expression told me she was thoroughly engaged in whatever this was. Her smile was the purest form of joy I ever knew she was capable of.
"Why were you trying to find me before you left the party?" I asked her, desperate to hear her voice again.
"I didn't want to ruin Molly's fun so I was gonna ask you for a ride home."
I rolled my eyes. "Then why did you leave by yourself? I would have taken you."
"I told you why. I didn't want to get in the middle of you and Matt."
"It was nothing. It was over before it started."
"That's not what it looked like to me." She muted the flat screen and turned to look at me. "What started it?"
You.
"I don't totally remember," I gave her instead. "He said one thing that pissed me off and it just escalated from there. It's not exactly a new thing. He knows how to push my boundaries."
I couldn't tell if she believed me. "Don't you want to get back to your party, host?"
"Not really. Someone else can clean up for a change."
She tilted her head doubtfully. What could be going on in that head of hers?
"So you're staying?"
"Unless you'd rather I go?"
She shook her head before I finished the sentence, making me grin. I leaned closer for the second time tonight, thinking there was nothing that could interfere now. I put a clammy palm on her soft cheek.
As she limited the space between us, I swiped my tongue across her lip, causing her to moan. She placed a hand on my chest, and shortly after smiled against my lips.
"What?"
Her eyes fluttered. "Your heart is beating really fast."
I closed the gap, taking all of her in, pulling her body onto me. Just as her fists got comfortably tangled in my hair, my phone went off.
"Figures." I stood with a groan. "What?" I snapped after seeing the Caller ID: Castro.
"Listen, I'll be quick. I thought about it, and I'll make you a deal."
"You're fucking joking." What could he possibly think would persuade me to be on his side for anything?
"I'll leave Ellie alone on one condition. Come to my place so we can talk about it."
As much as a coward as he is, he's still a sociopath. I can't take that risk. Not yet. "I'm on my way." I hung up. "I need to go," I told Avery.
"Everything all right?" she wondered.
Until this was settled, it was best if she kept out of my sight. "I'll see you around."
"Spencer. What just happened?"
I gave her no room to overthink. "I came here to see if you were okay. That doesn't make us friends."