Social Suicide

S E V E N : With A Heart Even More Your Own

SOCIAL SOLITUDE: ARISTELLE
Saturday, October 20 2018
I sat down at a small table by the front window, pulling out my materials to work on an assignment.
Einstein's was one of my favorite places. Good coffee, refreshers, bagels. There's a little library attached to it. It's peaceful. This is my safe space.
The barista called my name and I stood to get my order at the counter. "Thanks, Alston."
A notification dinged on my laptop. I was confused, momentarily forgetting that I had it connected to my phone.
It was a voicemail notification from Miles. I made a mental reminder to check it later. If it were important, he'd know how to reach me right away, so I wasn't concerned.
After more than four hours of sitting in the cafe, I finished two papers that were both due more than two weeks from now, so I thought it was a good time to pack up and head out.
It was almost one, so I knew I'd have to get up and do the thing I'd been dreading.
I hated apologizing to people, but I didn't have a choice. Elijah was stubborn as hell, so if I ever wanted him in my life again, I would have to be the bigger person. I groaned aloud at the thought.
He overreacted. I had one slip up and I was totally safe. I told Wren to cut me off at a reasonable hour and was going to call a cab, before I ran into Spencer. It's not like I did what I did back then.
Eli should have trusted me, it was as simple as that.
Molly was by my side the whole time when I fell apart two years ago, but she knew I would look after myself.
This time, I didn't get behind the wheel and kill anyone. I didn't make poor choices and get myself killed. I was fine.
I sighed, and pulled out my phone to send him a message.
(12:44pm) Stella: Can we talk?
I tossed my phone aside. If he replied at all, it definitely wouldn't be right away.
Deciding to take a nap before baseball practice, I turned up my volume just in case I got a response.
I woke with an hour to spare. After making a quick breakfast—cinnamon apple chips and nut butter dip—I dressed leisurely in my uniform and headed out the door. I heard my phone ding but waited until I loaded up my car to check it.
(5:58pm) Eli: I guess. Where are you?
(6:02pm) Stella: I'm on my way to practice
(6:03pm) Eli: I just left mine. I'll stop at the field on my way home
Arriving at ten past six, I parked in my usual spot. Everybody else was already here. My eyes ran over Kody, who was already staring. I forced myself to look away, feeling the sting of his gaze as I reached down to pick up a bat.
"Hey, you."
I didn't turn around to face him and just continued patting my shoes and flipping around the aluminum staff in my hands. "Hey."
"Need a hand?"
I nodded politely. I wanted to choke him.
It's possible he's just this nice to everyone, but I couldn't help but feel it was something more with me. Everyone on the team knew I wasn't the dating kind, so why would he be flirting with me? I was the only girl on the team, so maybe that was why.
Still. Flattery and all, it was still annoying.
My thoughts were cut short when I saw Eli's car pull into the lot. I signaled for Kody to stop pitching to me so I could go meet him.
"Elijah."
"Aristelle." His monotone voice pushed me over the edge. If he didn't care, why the fuck was he here?
"Don't be a cunt, all right? I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?"
He rolled his eyes. "You blatantly acted out instead of talking through it. You could've hurt yourself or someone else."
"But I didn't! I just needed to burn off some steam. What is the big deal? So I got drunk! Lots of people around here get drunk every night. Why am I such a special case for you?"
"You—"
I cut him off, a hand raised. "You don't need to baby me. Now, are you gonna shut the fuck up and let me hug you, or are you gonna leave again like a little bitch?"
My words had the intended affect. He laughed. "Come here." My body collided with his. "You know I'm overprotective because I just love you, right?"
"I do know," I promised, wrinkling my nose. "You smell like chlorine. Go take a shower."
"You're one to talk." He pulled away with a disgusted expression. "You're all sweaty."
"I've only been out here for ten minutes."
"Whatever. I'm out. Call me later." He got back in his car and left.
We had a game next Sunday, so we went over the game plan. I would be last up to bat, as usual. Kody was always pitcher.
After two short games, I was first to leave, a little early. It was a few minutes past eight o'clock when I got to Chimes, the pub Molly suggested we go to for dinner. I spotted her golden blonde hair near the back.
"Hey, hot stuff," I teased her warmly. She didn't say something snarky back to me like she habitually did.
I finally noticed her expression and almost fell into the booth. She had been crying.
"Hey! Hey, what's going on?" I demanded, in the softest voice I could muster. She sniffled and I moved to sit on the other side with her. "Mol. Talk to me."
Her mascara was running down her face. Her eyes and lips were extremely red and puffy. That alone freaked me out. She's never looked like this in public before.
"Why couldn't you call and let me know you changed your mind if you're so upset?" I wondered.
"We had plans... You're happiest when you're eating," she said simply. I would've laughed if she didn't look like this, but it almost seemed like she was stalling.
I was confused. "Am I supposed to be mad at you for something?"
She shook her head, still not meeting my eyes. "More disappointed."
A beat. "You didn't sleep with Elijah, did you?"
She hiccuped. "No! Gross."
"Then you're in the clear." I tried to lighten the mood, but I was panicking.
She finally mumbled something I couldn't understand.
"Hmm?"
Taking a deep breath, she repeated herself. "Tyler broke up with me."
I froze for a second before letting out a single laugh. "What was that?"
She met my gaze. My mind went completely blank. I hugged her, not knowing what else to do. She cried into my shoulder and I ignored the onlookers around us.
I pulled away with a question mark clear on my face. "What happened?"
She sobbed once more, trying to catch her breath with an arm over her chest. "I..."
I continued to rub circles on her back.
"I did sleep with someone," she finally said.
My movements stopped. After taking a second to get it together, I stood up, motioning for her to come with me. "Let's go home." I threw a ten dollar bill on the table for the appetizer she ordered, then held an arm over her shoulder to guide her out to her car. I'd walk back to get mine later tonight.
Molly wouldn't stop crying the whole way there. I carried her up to our floor, laying her on the couch and covering her with a blanket.
I jogged to the fridge and brought back one of her small boxes of mango-pineapple juice. I took a deep breath. "Can I ask...?"
"I don't think I can tell you. Not yet. I know you'll be upset."
"So I know this person," I presumed. "How well?"
She looked at me with a sad face. "Well enough." She sat up and patted the spot next to her for me. Her cheeks were still bloated, but the tears had finally ceased. "Promise me you won't hate me," she begged.
"There's no risk."
"He's on the baseball team," she admitted in a small voice.
Oh, god. Please, don't let it be Kody... "Who?" As long as it wasn't the person I hated the most or hated the least, I wouldn't care.
"Lucian Vaughn."
I sighed in relief. It was quiet for a few minutes.
She sobbed. "He's never going to speak to me again."
"What exactly did he say?"
She took a deep breath with a hand over her heart. "That I betrayed him. That he never would've done that to me. That I'm a liar and he couldn't stand to look at me anymore."
"Oh, honey." I hung my head and placed a hand on her knee. "It was just the shock. He'll process it and come back. He loves you more than anything."
"It's not that simple, Ells. I don't blame him."
I scoffed. "I do! You've been together forever. He shouldn't just lose complete trust in you over this. You didn't cheat on him. You two weren't together while he was away. You told me he specifically said he didn't want to hold you back from anything and that you'd talk when he got back."
"But I told him I didn't care that he was going away! I feel like I did cheat on him, and he feels the same. I just... I don't know what to do."
We sat back up on the couch. I draped the blanket over her back. "Give it time. I'm afraid that's all you can do. He needs to process."
She nodded. I kissed the top of her head when she leaned down on my shoulder.