The Light of Midnight (BxB)

Chapter 18

Umuwi ako nang hindi nagpapaalam kay Pierre. Humupa na ang bagyo at tanging mga kasama lang nila sa bahay ang nadatnan ko nang bumaba ako ng alas singko ng umaga. Nag-iwan lang ako ng mensahe sa kaniya at nagpasalamat bago ako tumulak at bumalik na sa dorm. 


Sa sumunod na dalawang araw ay tanging pag-aaral lang ang inatupag ko. Hangga't maaari ay iniiwasan ko ang pag-iisip kay Pierre dahil sa iyon naman ang dapat kong gawin. Kailangan ko munang tapusin ang sarili ko sa kaniya bago ko tuluyang masabi ang lahat ng dahilan kung bakit napunta kami sa ganito. 

It is unfair and really fucked up, but I can't do nothing about it. I just can't let my parents take me away from him. Kahit hindi na kami muling babalik sa dati ay gusto ko pa rin na kahit papaano ay nakikita ko siya, kung ano ang nagiging lagay niya sa buhay. 


Saturday came and I am about to go into Pierre's subdivision for our weekly practice. I already ate lunch before heading here so, I will not have the chance to talk to his family again. Hindi ko kayang suklian ang mga magagandang ginagawa nila sa'kin ng panggago sa kanilang anak kaya might as well na hindi ko nalang sila makasalamuha. Hindi ko kaya. 

"My friends coming later at three. Is it okay?" I asked beforehand so, he wouldn't be as shocked as he is when Kaiah invaded his personal space again. 

"That's good. I can hang out with your friend and maybe get to know Kaiah. When are they leaving?" 

"What's with you? Ginagawa mo bang rebound 'yung kaibigan ko?"

"No. I am just making her happy. Why's that?" 

"The fuck I care!" Then I turn my back on him so I cannot let myself bring words that I might regret. I am jealous, pero ayaw kong aminin iyon sa kaniya. Baka mas lalo kaming mahirapan na dalawa kung gano'n ang mangyayari. "Do whatever you want, Pierre." 

"Okay, maybe I'll ask her to fuck later. Her getting my first time may be a good thing." Then he smirked making me feel outrages on what he had said. 

"Stop playing around, Pierre! Hindi ako papayag!" 

"Hindi ko naman hinihingi ang permiso mo, River. She already made a move at the cinema. She kissed me on my cheek before leaving. Might as well grab the chance." Then he shrugged his shoulder and made his way to the middle of the court.

"I don't care! Kaibigan ko siya at hindi ko hahayaan na may mangyari sa inyo." 

"We are both benefiting here. I am making her happy and she's making me forget you. What's with the fuss, River?" Then he looked at me and gave me a really confused look. "This is what you want right and when I am giving it to you you're being like that? Pigil na pigil ka sa mga desisyon ko gayong gugustuhin naman namin ito parehas. Anong gusto mong gawin ko, habulin ka hanggang mamatay ako?"

"Oo, bakit?" Shit.

Lumapit ito sa'kin nang may galit sa mga mata na ngayon ko lang nakita. Hindi ako sanay kaya agad kong iniwas ang tingin ko at tumalikod para ligpitin na ang gamit ko. 

"What did you just say?" Saad niya at hinigit ako sa aking mga braso para tumingin sa kan'ya. 

"Nothing. Just forget it. It won't happen. Buo na ang desisyon mo at wala na akong magagawa d'yan."

"Gusto mong habulin kita habang buhay?" Tanong niya pero ngayon ay mas mahinahon na siya hindi gaya kanina na iba, nakakapangamba. Hindi ko siya sinagot at hinigit ko ang braso ko sa pagkakahawak niya nang sa gayon ay makawala ako at makauwi na. "Come on, just don't keep my hopes again, River. Huwag mo na akong paasahin pa dahil kaya kong gawin iyon kung iyon ang gusto mo." 

"Stop it, Pierre! I don't want you with my life anymore! Ilang beses ko bang dapat ulitin 'yon?" 

"Hanggang sa masabi mo sa 'kin kung bakit." 

"Dahil ayoko lang. Nadala lang ako sa mga pinapakita mo. I was sad and depressed when I move here and I needed someone and I thought that giving myself to you will ease the pain of longing my home, but it doesn't and I realized all that when I came back in Manila. I already told you before, I am not like you and I never will be." I heave a deep sigh to stop myself from crying especially when I already saw how his eyes forming a tears that will fall immediately. "That's the reason, Pierre. I hope that you can let go now that I've said it."

He didn't uttered any words and he just left after he got his things. I sat on the nearby bench and finally let myself cry because of all the lies that I spilt. It wasn't easy knowing how I did not plan any of this. It is not my intention to fabricate the real reason. I am not just ready yet.

And I realized that I will never be. I should've said the real reason because no matter how bad it might get, I will still hurt him. 

Hinayaan ko lang ang sarili kong mapagod kaluluha hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan na dumating na 'yung mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal umiiyak o kung mayroon pa bang lumalabas sa mga mata ko o wala na, pero wala na akong pakialam doon. 

"What happened to you, River?" Sofia asked the moment she saw how wrecked I am. 

"Is it Pierre? What did he do?" Kaiah followed. 

"Don't ask. Let's just drink." Nilagpasan ko na silang dalawa at ang paparating na si Inno at Dex. 


"Come on, Pierre! We are your friends. You can tell us anything." Kaiah asked. She's the most worried among them. Hindi ko alam kung gusto niya lang malaman kung si Pierre ang dahilan nito o kung totoong may malasakit talaga siya, but knowing her, it is mostly the latter one. She's the sympathetic among of us. She's just flirt most of time, but she really cares. 

"Don't mind me, Kaiah. Let's just enjoy your last day." Then I took the shot of tequila on the table and drink it. I don't know how many I took, but I couldn't care less knowing how I hurt Pierre. 

"Kung si Pierre ang dahilan River, please tell me. You are more important than him. I just want to experience it with a promdi, but I just can't let him do anything to you. Pupuntahan natin 'yun kahit anong oras." 

"Kaiah is right, River. Tell us. Hindi kami uuwi hangga't hindi ka maayos." Si Inno. 

"Let River decide. Huwag niyong ipressure, alalayan nalang natin." Si Sofia. 

"I am at fault okay? Pierre did nothing wrong. It is just me and my fucked up family." Pag-amin ko sa kanila matapos ay kinuha ko na ang bote ng tequila at ito na mismo ang tinugga. Agad itong kinuha ni Dexter at sinapak ako sa braso. 

"If that's the case, be a man then, River. We will not tolerate you! Ihahatid ka namin sa kanila at manghingi ka ng tawad sa ginawa mo." 

That made me think of something else. Maybe I can do it right this time. I can be with him and tell him everything now before it will be too late for us. Bahala na kung magalit sila Daddy. I just want to love Pierre and be deserving of him. 

"You're right Dex. I'll call him." I called him a lot of time, but he did not answer the phone. Kaya text nalang ginawa ko para naman kahit hindi niya sagutin ay mabasa man lang niya.

"Pierre, I'm sorry. Let me explaon evrythimg. Pupumtshan kta ngayn." After sending my text, I passed out. 

I woke up inside a car and saw how Inno is patting my cheek. "We are here asshole. Go and talk to your lover." 

I instantly remember everything that had happened earlier. I passed out at ten and saw on my clock that it is already midnight. "Why didn't we go earlier?" I asked them. 

"Dude, nagsuka ka kanina and we clean it all up including you!" Si Inno. "At least you're in your right mind now. Itutuloy pa ba natin?" 

"Yes." Then I went out of the car.