Pierre's Point of View.
Dealing with all the rejections in life is not what I am good at. Hangga't kayang gawan ng paraan ay gagawan ko. Hangga't kayang pilitin ay pipilitin ko. Hangga't kaya ko ay gagawin ko. Pero hindi ko alam na sa pagdaan ng panahon, ng mga tao sa buhay ko ay magbabago ito at mas pipiliin na tanggapin na hindi lahat ng bagay ay kaya kong makuha.
I am now thirty and from the past years that I spent living, I am still picking myself up from the crumbs that I have dealt with. I had good times in my life. When I graduated, I was able to get a high paying job that's why after years of gaining experience, I built a business. Ako at Silvestre, ang kasamahan ko noon sa trabaho, ang nanguna rito. Kami ang nagsusupply ng mga makina at kung ano ano pang gamit ang kailangan sa iba't ibang bagay. Nagkaroon pa ako ng pagkakataon para maging isa sa top distributor dito sa Luzon, pero makalipas lang ng anim na taong pamamayagpag, ay nalugi ang kumpanya dahil sa itinakbo nila ni Gia, ang asawa niya, ang lahat ng pera sa kumpanya. Ito ang dahilan para tuluyan akong bumalik muli sa simula at sikapin na mapalitan ang mga nakuhang pera. Nakakuha kami ng lead patungkol sa kanila at nakulong ito pero hindi na niya nabalik pang muli ang mga ninakaw niya.
Ngayon ay kay Milo ako nagtatrabaho dahil gusto ko muli na mag-ipon para magkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makapagpatayo ng sarili kong negosyo baon ang mga natutunan ko noon sa nangyari.
"Can I take you out for a dinner later, Tham?" We just got our lunch in the canteen and I am now walking her into her cubicle before I go into mine. I am courting her for almost a year now. And since then, it never once came into my mind to fool around with everyone again, drinking, having sex, and partying almost every night.
"Sure, Pierre. I don't have anything to do naman."
"Okay. Let's head there after work. What restaurant do you prefer?"
"Ayos lang sa'kin kahit saan, Pierre. Kahit d'yan lang sa tabi tabi ay walang problema." Then she smiled. I just looked at her after I felt something in me. It has been decade since the last time I appreciate this kind of thing. "You okay?" She asked.
"Yes. I felt like this happened already." Then I smiled at her.
"Wala lang 'yan." Then she laugh. "Magtrabaho na tayo, marami pa tayong tatapusin."
"A'ight." Then I went back to my cubicle. For the past years, I just let myself not to give a fuck to anyone. I had serious relationship, I had flings, and other things in between. One night stand, fuck buddies, everything. I was on the peek back then until such things happened and here I am, more serious and passionate than I was back then. Tumatanda na ako at ilang taon nalang ay mawawala na ako sa kalendaryo. Tama na ang paglalaro at gugustuhin ko nang subukan na magkaroon ng pamilya sa panahon kung saan kaya ko na at sa pagdating niya...
Lumalim muli ang pag-iisip ko at doon ko muling naalala ang mga bagay na pilit kong tinatanggal sa sarili ko. I can always remember the pain and trauma it caused me. Dumagdag pa na noong mga panahon na pag-iwan niya sa'kin ay ang pagpanaw ni Daddy dahil sa aksidente. At bilang panganay, walang ibang tutulong kay Mommy dahil nag-aaral pa kami lahat. I want to stop, but she plead me not to. Kaya ang ginawa ko nalang ay mas pag-igihan ang pag-aaral. It was all worth it until the incident with my business partner. Nawalan na ako ng oras para maglaro dahil kailangan ko nang pulitin muli ang lahat at magsimula. Ngayon ko nalang muli pinagbigyan ang sarili ko na magkaroon ng pagkakataon sa ibang tao at makabawi sa buhay na kinahinatnan ko.
"I'm gonna take Thamarra on a date, Milo." I said to my brother the moment I went to his office.
"That's good, Kuya. Well, you both often do that. I just don't know what's pushing her back on being with you."
"Let her. I have all the time now."
"Whatever!" At inirapan ako nito. "Umuwi raw tayo ngayong Sabado ipinapasabi ni Mommy. Bukod sa birthday ni Leon. Hindi sila natuloy mag out of town ng mga kaibigan niya."
"Okay." Then I stood up from laying my back on the sofa on his office. "I'm heading out now. I did not see Thiago today. Where is he?"
"Parang hindi mo kilala ang isang 'yon. Nasa condo ni Max at kung ano-ano ang mga pinaggagawa nilang dalawa roon."
"Good for him." Then I went out of his office. "See you tomorrow, Milo! Huwag mainit ang ulo sa pagmamaneho."
"You don't have to remind me that, itinuro na 'yon ni Daddy." Then we both laugh.
"Sabi ko sa'yo ay huwag na sa mamahalin." Thamarra said when I am parking the car in the one of the known restaurant here in Bataan. "Ang kulit mo talaga!" Sabi niya muli bago ako kuritin sa tagiliran.
Tumawa lang ako sa ginawa niya at mabilis akong bumaba ng sasakyan para pagbuksan siya.
"What do you want?" I asked her the moment got the menu from the waiter.
"Anything's fine. Ikaw nagdala sa'kin dito e, bahala ka d'yan!"
"Kakastreet foods lang natin noong nakaraang linggo, Tham. Masama kapag lagi kaya dito kita dinala."
"Masyadong mahal to, Pierre. Hindi mo naman ako pinagbabayad."
"E sino ba ang nag-aaya? Ako hindi ba? Dali na, alam kong gutom ka na tapos magcoffee nalang tayo pagkatapos."
"Yeah, you won!" At inirapan ako. "This time coffee is on me, okay? Kapag tumutol ka ay hindi na mauulit ito." She said feeling excited
"A'ight! You won, Tham." Then I smiled at her she then smiled at me and we just stayed like that for a while until she cleared her throat and call the waiter for our orders.
We talk as we have our dinner. Madalas ay puro tawa ang ginagawa namin dahil doon kami mas sanay, sa nagkukulitan kaming dalawa parehas. She knows everything about my past, the struggle I've dealt with, even the one where I fell in love with a man. That's why I can clearly give myself to her because I never once felt that she's not okay with all of it.
"So, you never really saw him again?"
"Nah, he ghosted me after all that sorry and shit."
"What will you do if he comes back?"
"Nothing. What am I supposed to do? Chase him again? No way." I said clearly voicing out that I feel disgusted if I will do that again. "Graduate na ako sa kaniya, Tham. Wala na ako sa ganoong phase ng buhay ko."
"Okay, Pierre. I just thought that maybe you can sort things out? Like you know, hear his explanations."
"I'm not up for it to be honest. Twelve years had passed and I've moved on. Hindi naman kita liligawan kung hindi pa ako tapos."
After that we talk about things again, most of it is about her life and other office stuff. Then I paid the bill after we head outside. We are now on our way to car. Ihahatid ko na siya sa sasakyan at pagbubuksan muli ng pinto nang biglang may lumabas na tao sa katabi ng kotse ko.
And right at that moment, I saw the man who left me twelve years ago. The first person whom I admired and loved deeply. My walk became slow as I am having a hard time whether to accompany my date on her seat or just let her do it by herself because of the sudden emotion that I felt in whole body when I saw River walked out his car.
What's he doing here?
"Pierre." Thamarra called. "The car." She said to me because I am still looking at him without nothing on my face. I quickly unlock the door and went into the driver seat not minding what Thamarra's doing right now.
"Are you okay, Pierre?"
"Yes, Tham. I'm okay, I'm sorry."
I was taken off from spacing out when Thamarra lean and she kiss me on my cheeks. "Thanks for today, Pierre. I'm getting there, Pierre. Just wait a little more."
BINABASA MO ANG
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