My ideal way of dealing with heartbreak is punching the ever loving shit out of a punching bag, well it was a choice between the punching bag and the arks guards, so since I was not planning on getting floated, I chose the punching bag, even though I was desperate to beat those guards into a coma.
I was so focused on punching the bag I didn't hear someone enter the arks gym.
"Ivy, you need to stop before you break your hands" someone murmured behind me and I turned around quickly and I was so startled I almost punched him.
"Jesus Christ, Dad you need to stop sneaking up at me, I could've punched you" I say angrily at my father, Marcus Kane, he had a habit of sneaking up at me when I least expected it, and ever since I went through a rather complicated breakup, my father has been practically breathing down my neck to make sure I am okay.
He just rolls his eyes at my comment and he sits down on one of the benches and he looks at me with a expression I hate more than anything....Pity.
"I'm just worried about you Ivy, since he left you have been not yourself, you spend hours in the gym, you don't eat, you don't sleep, and you are cold towards me and everyone else" he says with concern and fucking pity, I don't need nor do I want pity, what I want is a way to get down to earth and beat the ever loving shit out of Bellamy, I want to make him feel what I felt when I read his letter, I want him to feel what it feels like when your heart is ripped out, the numbness that spreads your body, the pain you feel not only in your heart but also in your head, the headache you get from heartache, I want him to feel what it feels like when your entire body feels like it is on fire
"Dad, I am fine what do you want from me?! Do you want me to be happy and joyful? Well I can't, I can't anymore, I don't even know what it means to be happy anymore, everything I knew was a lie, everything he told me was a lie, he told me he loved me Dad, he asked me to marry him, and like the stupid idiot I am, I said yes because I was too fucking naïve to see that he was playing me"
I yell at my father, in a angry and frustrated manner, I am so frustrated with him breathing down my neck and expecting me just to be okay and happy, I am angry, so fucking angry at everything and everyone, last night I threw a knife into my bedroom mirror from how angry and upset I was when I saw my reflection, all I saw when I stared into the reflection was him, all I saw was how many nights I laid on my bed when he stroked my hair and whispered in my ear how much he loved me.
"Come here sweetheart" he whispered with pity and love as he pulled me into his arms and he rested his chin on top of my head "You are gonna be okay, everything is going to be okay" He whispered softly and I don't know if he was telling that to himself or to me, or maybe both.
"I don't know what happiness means anymore"
I whisper, I haven't cried once, not once since he left me, and I don't plan on ever crying again. Before he left me, he was my safe place, my home, my person, my definition of happiness was seeing his face every morning I woke up, him kissing me and teasing me, him calling me princess and sunshine even though he only called me sunshine when he annoyed me, it still made me happy.
"Maybe some day, you will find your happiness again, you deserve happiness Ivy" he whispered soothingly and he rubbed small circles on my back to try and soothe me even though I am not crying, he has been the only family I ever had, my mother never wanted me and the day after I was born she tried to kill me, so she was floated and ever since then, it was just me and my dad.
"Did you manage to figure out a solution to the oxygen problem?" I ask him as I pull away from the embrace, I needed to change the subject before I broke down in tears or even worse, hurt my dad and break every single object I could fine.
He sighs heavily and he looks away, he has a look of guilt and it is obvious that something is bothering him. "300 people need to die" He whispers hoarsely as he still can't meet my eyes, it is clear that it is eating him alive
"No but I thought you said that now that the 100 was sent down to earth we would have a year left of oxygen" I am utterly confused but for some reason I do not feel sad if those 300 people die, I actually don't feel sad about anything anymore,, all I can feel is sometimes anger and most of the time I feel numb and cold and just empty.
"We were wrong, we would only have three months left of oxygen and it seemed like the oxygen already began becoming less" He says with a guilty look, my father always hid his true feelings and emotions in front of other people, he always said that someone had to make difficult choices and if no one would be able to do it, then he would be the one to make it. I was the only person who ever got to see his true feelings and his emotions, he didn't hide his sadness, guilt ot anger from me, ever.
"Jesus Christ" I whisper hoarsely, I am shocked by his confession, but I understand why the decision needs to be made, it is either that or everyone that is on the ark dies from lack of oxygen.
"Have you heard anything from earth yet, any news if the 100 is alive?" I am genuinely curious because if the 100 is alive, that means earth is survivable and we don't have to kill 300 innocent people.
"no, it seems like we were wrong, earth doesn't seem survivable and we most likely sent all of those people down there just to die, they were kids, Ivy, they may have been criminals, but they were just kids, they didn't deserve to be sent to earth just to die" his voice breaks at the end and I can see tears forming in his eyes
"We don't know that for sure dad" I whisper as I try to comfort him, but it is quite difficult because I have no idea how to comfort an upset person anymore, I used to help calm people down and I used to be able to comfort crying people. But I can't do it anymore, I don't know how anymore, I lost the person I was, now all I am is this cold, numb, angry person who has no idea how to comfort and soothe people anymore.
he nods sadly before suddenly someone walks into the gym and turns to my dad, it is Dr. Griffin.
"Marcus, the Chancellor wants to speak with you" she tells him quietly before she looks at me and she gives me a sad smile with a look of pity, it seems like all of the people who knows me, will only look at me with pity and concern, and I fucking hate it, I hate it when people pity me.
My dad nods and he leaves the gym, leaving me alone with Abby "I need to talk to you Ivy" she whispers to me softly, even though we are alone in the room she speaks like she doesn't want anyone except me to hear
"What is wrong Abby?" I ask softly with confusion, I stare at her waiting for her to tell me what is so important for me to hear.
"You know Raven Reyes right?" She asks me nervously and she begins pacing back and forth nervously it is clear that whatever she wants from me is not something good.
"yeah I know her, why?" I ask confused and I begin feeling annoyed and frustrated with all of the pacing she is doing, it is making my head dizzy.
"I am sending her to earth, but the council can't know about it Ivy, I need to know if the ground is safe for us and since the 100 haven't contacted us yet I need Raven to go down and contact us if the ground is safe. Look something is going on down there because most of the kids wristbands are going dead, now I don't know if it is because they just die or if it is because something is wrong with the wristbands, but I need to know Ivy, my daughter, Clarke, her wristband just went dead"
she begins rambling and I get more and more confused by the second
"Wait why are you telling me this Abby, I don't understand?" I ask her confused and she doesn't stop pacing the room
"Because I need you to go with her, Ivy, you need to go to the ground with Raven''
YOU ARE READING
His Princess (Bellamy Blake)
RomanceThey were never meant to be He broke her completely, he lied to her, used her, left her to go to earth with the other 99 kids He took on the priority to protect and lead all those kids, the became their protector. She went to earth with her best fr...
