His Princess (Bellamy Blake)

Chapter 5

Trigger warning

Self harm

Pregnancy

Memory

I've been locked up in my room for 7 hours.

I've been screaming all of my frustration and anger and sadness out, my vocal cords are barely holding on.

My father locked me up because I was busy destroying the Gym room from anger, he said I needed to calm down before he would let me out of my room, he treats me like I am a child when I am almost nineteen years old

I am so fucking angry it feels like I can't keep my anger inside anymore, he fucking left me, I loved him, I would've fucking died for him, just to find out he was using me like a toy

Present

Hours later, after dozens of trips to and from the pod back to camp, night had fallen and we were finally getting ready  to set off the flares.

I stood beside Raven and Bellamy on my other side. I hadn't wanted to stand next to him but since I don't want other people to know about our history I cant just shove Bellamy away from me without an explanation.

A shiver ram through me as I wrapped my arms tightly around my body in a effort to shield myself from the cold evening.

I felt Bellamy glance down at me before looking back up to the sky, "you should've worn a jacket Ivy." He commented emotionlessly

"It is over, no need to keep pretending to care" I mutter coldly and emotionless  I forgot that Raven stood next to me and that she could hear everything.

"just a habit, pretending to care" he says emotionless as he kept staring at the sky

I feel Raven look at me shocked and confused, "wait a second, you two know each other? Like you didn't just meet today?" She asks us confused

Bellamy rolls his eyes and he looks down at her, "we're 'old friends' "
He murmured as he began glaring at her.

I just nod and I begin walking away, not wanting to deal with either of their bullshit. I walk to my tent and I sit on my make shift bed, thinking about how crazy the last couple days have been. My mind suddenly starts thinking about my wedding dress, the perfect dresss I chosen just two days before Bellamy left me, the dress I thought I would wear when I married the love of my life.

I expected tears to fall from my eyes at the memory, but nothing came, I'm filled with numbness and all I want is to feel something again, anything even if it is just anger or pain.

I grab my dagger and I push it into my abdomen and I let out a soft whimper from the pain, and I finally feel something, I feel pain, pain may be horrible but at least it is better than feeling numb and empty.

I feel blood gushing out of my abdomen as I yank the knife out of my abdomen.

I'm covered in red and I've never seen myself look so beautiful, red is definitely the best color on me, it brings out my soul

I hear a loud gasp and I look up and I  see a guy standing in my tent, his face pale and filled with horror, I think his name is Jasper or something

I feel myself get dizzy and the last thing I see before passing out is Clarke and Raven rushing into the tent with panicked faces.

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"What the hell is wrong with her she could've died!" Is the first thing I hear as I begin waking up.

It's clear that no one sees that I've woken up because I see Raven and Clarke arguing

"I don't know what happened to her, but it must've been bad because she's never been like this" Raven whisper-yells

"She could've killed not just herself but the baby as well"
Clarke also whisper-yells it is clear that they don't want other people to hear them.

Then it hits me, baby. What baby are they taking about? I don't have a baby....not that I know of

"What baby?" I ask confused and when I thought that I would never feel emotions again I was clearly wrong because here I am panicking like crazy.

They both gasp softly as they stare at me like deers in headlights

"You-uh-you see Ivy-you um" Clarke begins fumbling over her words, "first of all you have been out for 17 hours" it is clear that she is trying to change the subject.

"What baby, Clarke?!" I ask angrily and it feels like all of the anger I felt for Bellamy all comes flashing back except now I am taking it out on Clarke.

"Your pregnant, Clarke thinks you're about three months along" Raven quickly answers, her voice filled with fear and concern.

My eyes widen, everything is just too much for me, first it was with Bellamys betrayal and now I am pregnant

"No, please I can't be a mom, please take it out just take that thing out, it is too much"

"Don't tell anyone about it please dont"
Raven rushes over to me and she holds me tightly

"Breathe Ivy, just breathe please"
She whispers and that is when I realize I am hyperventilating.

"He hurt me Raven, he left me, he used me, he lied to me, he never loved me" I whisper as I cry harder into her shoulder

"We won't tell anyone about the baby, until you want us to", she whispers and she begin rubbing my back, "who was your fiance Ivy?'