The Method To My Madness

Misadventures In The Kitchen

Dear Reader,

In the course of my 17 soon to be 18 years of life I have been cooking for 14 of them. By the age of 6 I could cook an entire Thanksgiving feast. However lately when I go to my happy place I've been making some mistakes. I'm human after all and well we all make mistakes.

First off let me just say I've done some idiotic things before but that was back when I didn't know what would happen. I have definitely learned from my mistakes. For example when I was 8 I got a white chocolate cross for Easter. My parents told me to place it in the freezer so I wouldn't melt. A week later I had a craving for sugar so I pulled the cross out of it's frozen home. When I tried eating it my teeth would hurt obviously because it had been in an icy tundra for a whole week. My bright idea? Place it in the microwave. Well next thing I know the microwave is having it's own light show. I freaked out, pulled the chocolate cross out, and prayed for forgiveness because I thought God was punishing me for desecrating the chocolate cross. Come to find out it was because of the aluminum container the cross waz housed in. I didn't know that would happen. I learned a very important lesson.

However the past is not important. Nay, nay Reader! The present is what we are discussing. So let me tell you about my current skills. My family will be the first to tell you I'm a good cook. Notice I said good and not great. I haven't reached greatness because of some simple mistakes.

Mistake #267: My brother wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. I of course had to make it because he isn't trusted in the kitchen since his great potato debacle. (The great potato debacle was when Sr. Genius set fire, that's right FIRE to a potato in the microwave.) So I'm making a sandwich for my Bubby and next thing you know I magically burn it. Literally in one second it goes from perfection to blackened mistakes. I made him eat it.

Mistake #164: My mom asks me to make some soup. In my household when we have soup it's always homemade. ALWAYS. So I begin the art of chicken tortilla soup. I leave to use the restroom and when I come back there is a fire that has erupted from the base of the pot. I saved the soup guys don't worry.

Mistake #521: I burnt uncooked hamburger meat in the microwave and melted a bowl. End of story because I have no explanation.

Mistake #10: I always slightly burn microwavable popcorn. However I like it that way so scratch that.

Skill #10: I always slightly burn microwavable popcorn to perfection. <---- There, that's much better.

So basically I'm not perfect but honestly perfection is overrated. Also microwaves are evil machines.