The Method To My Madness

Fears

Dear Reader,

I'm not gonna lie guys, I am terrified of the world we live in. I act like I have everything under control but I really don't. I'm constantly on the edge of falling apart but you would never know unless I told you.

Tonight was the prom for my high school. I didn't go because I no longer go to that school. I mean sure I graduated early but I have missed out on so much. I am starting to realize why my mom told me to be a kid and not an adult when I was younger. I know now that these are the years I will never get back but I can't change that. I'm terrified that the choices I have made in life were wrong.

The thought of dying doesn't scare me. It's the thought that once I'm gone not a single soul will miss me. I know that won't happen but I feel it will. I'm horrified by the thought that one day my Mom won't be here. That scares me. I honestly can't imagine a world without my mom there.

I'm absolutely shaken by the idea that I will be alone but what scares me more is being with someone. I push people away. I always have. Whenever someone starts to get close to me I push as hard as I can and I hate myself for that. I guess I do this because I've seen my mom hurt so many times I couldn't bare it. Which is also why I feel like it's my job to take care of my mom and brother.

I have been cussed out, picked on, beat down, but I honestly don't let others get to me anymore because of that. And these are my fears and flaws.

And seriously am I the only one that passes out at the sight of snakes? I mean I'm just saying.