Dear Reader,
As my 18th birthday gets closer the more I realize how much I've grown as a person. Things that used to hurt me I've suddenly become numb towards. I waz talking with my mom the other day about the fact that I am a good kid. I waz telling her about how much it hurts when I see my dad and he gives me a hard time about things as if I'm a bad kid.
As I listed off facts about myself to her she had a small sad smile. I told her about how I don't go out and party, I never go out drinking, I've never touched drugs, I have always kept my grades up, etc. I mean hell, I even graduated early. While all my friends go to school to finish out their senior year together I left and got my diploma. My dad tends to take the things I do for granted.
When I was finished ranting she said she was proud of me and told me she knew I was great kid. I told her that I'm the person I am because she raised me right. She laughed sadly and told me she didn't do anything. I'm the person I am today because I raised myself right. Which in a way is true I guess. I'm lucky to have a mom that tells me she is sorry for her screw ups. Not just through actions but words too. It will always stick with me though that she can recognize my struggles and tell me I can make it on my own. I don't know where I'm going with this.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm proud of myself and I am actually happy with the person I am today. Which is a lot for me to say because almost a year to the day I had a complete break down. I have really had a struggle getting back to the person I want to be. I realize now that you can never be a person you once was and I'm fine with that. You have to hit rock bottom before you can truly get to the person you want to be. I've always struggled with depression but for the first time in my life I can actually say I'm happy. I wake up happy, I look happy, I feel happy. My heart is so much lighter.
And then I realize I'm about to be 18 therefore an adult and I have mini panic attacks. But I take it all in strides.
Until next time muchachos! Stay cool ice cold. :)
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