Studio 22 | Mary-Kate Olsen

Chapter Thirty-Nine

February 11th 2023 - Brooklyn - Sage and Blue's Apartment

I got to the apartment expecting everyone to still be there but surprisingly it was just Sage on the sofa, he smiled at me which was unusual. "Wow, you actually listened," I said surprised as I dumped my stuff on the sofa. "You seemed... Off on the phone." He's not lost the ability to read me like a book. That comforted me, he was still in there. He was trying to get back to us. It gave me hope for the future. Not the immediate future but one day I believe I'd have my brother back, to tell all of my secrets too and to talk things through with, laugh with. "We need to talk." "Are you okay? Did one of Cyprus' boys bother you?" I shake my head. "No, it's much more serious than that," I admit sitting down on the sofa beside him. I sat cross-criss sideways so I was completely facing him. He adjusted his seating position to match mine, one of his legs dangling off the sofa. 

"What's up Blue?" He asked softly, brushing my hair back. I flinched and his face fell as he remembered what went down between us. He had been so unpredictable I didn't know how to respond to the old him. "Mum and Dad know," I say, getting straight to the point. "Know?" He asked, wanting me to elaborate. "Pretty much everything... Dad asked about dental work and I was confused and slipped up. I'm sorry." "He knows I hit you?" He asked clarifying and I nodded. He stood up. "Where are you going?" "He's gonna kill me." "He won't... Just sit. We need to talk." I reached for his wrist and tugged it until he sat back down. He faced away from me this time.

"They want you to go to rehab..." I left it there and he tensed up, instinctively he reached for the half smoked joint that laid in the ashtray on the table. I put my hand on his arm stopping him. He wasn't exactly sober right now but this is the clearest his eyes had looked in months. I needed to have this conversation with my brother, not the monster he transforms into. "They found you a facility in The Hamptons." "Blue." "Please just listen to me."  He sat back letting me continue, I could tell he had already checked out of the conversation just from looking at him. but he let me proceed anyway. "Mami and Papi, they said it's your choice if you go. It's ready for you. They'll pay for it, they'll drive you there, it's ready. But it's your choice." "I don't want to go." "If you don't go, Sage they're... They're cutting you off." He chewed his lip and silences descended upon us. I watched him in the silent moments between us. He was visibly on edge.

"I want you to get better, Sage. I want you to want to get better. But going to this place knowing you're not going to commit it's a waste of your time and their time. I want you to feel whole without the toxic things you pump into your body. I want my brother back who watches movies with me and makes fun of me when I cry at cartoons. I want my brother who I competed with my entire life for every athletic award. The brother who would automatically lay his legs over mine when we got into the car. The one who wipes my tears away and holds me when I'm sad or scared. I want you to feel better. I want you to feel strong enough to handle everything you've been running from," I explained to him. "It's not that easy, Blue." "I know... I know. I just want you to try." "I'm doing my best. It's easier this way." He reached for the joint and lit it.

"You should go... tell them I said bye," He told me with little emotion in his voice. It confuses me how quick he can switch between the man he was and the man he is. I hated it. I just wanted my brother back. "I'm not leaving you, Sage. You're my brother." I'm not abandoning him. He took a big breath as he turned to face me, lips wrapped around the thin stick in inbetween his fingers. And then he blew it in my face. He didn't say anything to me. He just watched me as I tried to avoid the puff of smoke surrounding me. I unfold my legs and walk away from him, willing myself not to let the tears fall. No one was here to wipe them away.

I close my bedroom door and slide down the back of it too exhausted to hold myself up any longer. I covered my mouth as the first round of sobs tried to escape. I felt completely betrayed by him. He doesn't have a clue what I'm risking. Our parents could easily cut me off too and I'd be all alone. He had me but it was clear I didn't have him. I'm not a priority to him anymore. I knew this already. I knew this when I came home and he wasn't in the hospital room. I had lost him to false highs.