Studio 22 | Mary-Kate Olsen

Chapter Forty-Four

April 27th 2023 - New York City - Safe Haven Community centre

I hung back after the session to talk to Will, nothing unusual though I wanted to talk to him about MK and I. I was still struggling with the guilt. The rational part of my brain knew I was being ridiculous and Kacy wouldn't hate me for moving on and starting life again. But the part of me that was still emotionally stuck screamed at me everytime I instinctively held MK's hand or rolled over in bed to cuddle, kissed her head, got lost in her eyes.

Will assured me that it was normal, that when I let myself off the hook my problems would disappear. I rolled my eyes and he just laughed at me. "I can't wave a magic wand and fix all your problems" is what he told me. But I wished he could. I knew MK deserved better than that. She deserved all of me all of the time, not just some of the time. There was only so much I could expect her to just understand and be okay with. I know it's going to get to the point where she gets frustrated with me suddenly pulling away when we're cuddled watching a movie. Or when I go quiet at dinner and fall into my own world. I don't want her to just put up with my sudden mood changes just because she understands.

After I left Will with practically no solution to my problem I just wanted to go home and hide away until it all blew over... Though that wasn't an option. I went out to our spot and MK was standing there searching her bag. "Have you seen my cigarettes?" She asked when I arrived beside her. I acted innocent. "I gave them to you last night." I told her. I went to the store last night to grab some snacks for our movie night. MK stayed at the apartment whilst I went and she asked me to pick them up for her. So I did. But I also may have picked them up and tossed them in the kitchen drawer when they fell out of her bag that she laid on the counter top as she was getting ready to leave this morning.

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of smoking. MK knows it and she is considerate about where she is smoking when she's around me. She often tugs at my arm to move me out of the way of the direction of smoke or she'll wait until I've gone inside. But since her mum put a bit of pressure on her to be 'perfect' and work stress is building and she started smoking a little more frequently than she previously would. So I may have been taking the half smoked packets and tossing them in my desk drawer or a drawer at the apartments. It puts a hold on her smoking meaning she'd smoke less. I'd never ask her to quit altogether. I get it's something she has found to help her cope. I was just concerned about the increase in volume. I was worried she'd get sick. "I'll have to get some on our way to work." I nodded, taking it as an achievement that she is smoking one less today than she would have, possibly even two.

She took my hand in hers, like she owned it and started to lead me down the street towards the coffee shop. We still took Monday mornings to decompress from the meetings we both have to endure, to keep ourselves sane. We mostly tried to plan our weeks together as we sat there. The closer to summer it got the busier we were due to the number of fashion shows we had coming up. Which meant a lot of our couple time was interrupted by work. We both still had family commitments to attend and friends to see. We were doing well with balancing our time and assuring that nothing in our lives were neglected. We sat in the booth today, I brought our drinks over and muffin knowing MK skipped breakfast this morning. We woke up late due to Sage keeping us both up last night and was in a slight rush this morning.

Her eyes lit up like a childs when she saw the sweet treat. "For me?" "Who else?" I questioned as I sat down. She took the wrapper off immediately and took a big bite. I chuckled at her. "You're a child," I told her as I took a sip of my Iced Latte. She ignored my comment and enjoyed her muffin.

"Can you come to my parents with me on Sunday?" She asked. "I can but it depends on the time. I have a PT session in the morning." "Can you skip?" She asked, tilting her head slightly, in question. "I skipped last weekend to hang out with you." She rolled her eyes. "What time is your PT?" "8 till 10." "Excessive." MK didn't work out, she also couldn't open a jar without assistance. "One of us needs to be able to open the food at home." She pulled a face at me. "Attractive," I said sarcastically. "Don't be so rude!" She kicked me under the table.