Studio 22 | Mary-Kate Olsen

Chapter Sixty-Four

December 5th 2023 - New York City - Ashley's House

I was crying in Ashley's hall for what felt like forever before I managed to compose myself. Louis went upstairs to give us some privacy and to that I was grateful. Though I would have cried in front of anyone.

"What has happened?" She asked softly cupping my face. My lip wobbled and I bit it hard, to stop myself from crying again. "I'm calling Blue." "No!" I grabbed hold of her wrists so she wouldn't move to get her phone. "What's happened?" She asked calmly. "She's leaving." "You broke up?" She sounded genuinely confused to hear this news. "Why?" I shake my head no but then realise that's exactly what happened. We did break up. It didn't make sense to her, the news of us breaking up because we were doing good. We were happy, as happy as we could be in a sour situation. But we are happy with each other and now it's over. "Yeah but she's... She's leaving, she's going back to Iraq." I managed out. "She's leaving." I whispered the tears building up again as I saw the tears in my sister's eyes. She pushed her emotions down, replacing the woe in her eyes with compassion. "Come on." She helped me stand and we went to the lounge, sitting on the sofa cuddled together as I explained everything the best I could. I burst into tears a few times but I got through it.

"She's really going?" I nodded. "5 o'clock." I say wishing that hour never arrived. "Didn't you want to be with her? Say a proper goodbye." I shake my head. Even thinking about saying goodbye hurt too much to comprehend. "I can't." Ashley wiped my tears away just like Blue had earlier tonight. "You know what hurts the most?" I asked. "She didn't even fight for us. She just let me end it. She just let me. She didn't care. She didn't want me." "Oh, Mary-Kate that's not what happened." "Yes it is. I ended it and she said she understood. She didn't beg me to try like I had begged her to stay." "Because she did understand. What type of person would she be if she forced you to go through all the dread and longing." "What type of person is she to make me feel unworthy." I shot back, I was angry at my sister for not seeing it from my point of view. Not validating my feelings. Blue let me go no fight. I wasn't worthy enough for her to even attempt to fight for me. She just let me go as if it was the easiest thing for her. "That's unfair, MK. She tried... She really did. Every single day you spent with her she made sure you knew what you meant to her."

"No. She told me I was enough to make her stay the first time but now I'm not." "I highly doubt those were her words." "It's what she was inferring." "The circumstances are different." "Do you even care?" I asked, enraged suddenly. Why wasn't she seeing how bad this was? "Of course I care, MK. I care that you're upset. I care that my friend is going to war. I care that you've lost something so special. But I also understand why she has gone back." "She let me fall in love and then she left." "She fell in love too. It was never one sided between the two of you. You both fell fast and hard and you both care so deeply about each other. Her letting you go without a fight is evidence of how much she cares about you." She spoke softly, holding my hands in hers. "I'm not enough." I whispered, this was the hardest thing to come to terms with. It had been a big fear, not being enough for her at some point...And it got to that point tonight. Nothing I said could make her stay."You're probably her reason for fighting to stay alive, MK. You're her reason to come home... You're enough of a reason for her to not let anything take her out. She would have told you that if she knew it wouldn't have swayed your judgement about staying in the relationship. She didn't want to put you through the heartbreak."

"I just wanted something good to last." She pulled me into another tight embrace as more tears started to fall freely from my eyes. I was sure I had cried off all the makeup on my face at this point. "I'm sorry. I wish I could fix this. I wish I could trade something for you to have your happiness, your safety. I would in a second." "I had perfect. Mum said it. My life was perfect. And now it's ruined." "Forget mum okay. Your life is perfect. Because you have a woman who loves you unconditionally. She's gonna be gone for a little while but she's gonna try her hardest to get back to you." I nodded, wiping my face dry with the sleeves of my dress. "And maybe you've moved on by then. That's okay. You'll find your perfect with them. She let you go so easily so she didn't hold you back. So you didn't feel stuck, trapped in pain." Ashley explained Blue's reasoning for what she said and what she did and it made sense. It didn't make it hurt any less. But it made sense. "You sure you don't want to go say goodbye?" She asked me checking her watch. "It's 3:30... You have time." She encouraged me. I wanted to. It would hurt but what if it was the last time I ever got to see her. "I'll go with you." I nodded slowly.