Studio 22 | Mary-Kate Olsen

Chapter Thirty-Two

October 27th 2022 - New York City - Ashley's House

We had been lounging around Ashley's house for most of the day at this point. My brain too tired to do or think of anything until a random thought popped into my head that made my stomach churn with worry. "Hey, Ash?" I question suddenly as I sit up. "Yeah?" She answered causally. "Have you seen my bag?" "Which one?" "My handbag, the one I had on the flight?" "No, is it in the hall with the other bags?" I don't know what just made me think of it but I'm starting to think in the blur of getting off the plane and avoiding paps I have forgotten my bag somewhere. I went to check the hallway for my bag, my case was there so was the dress bag but my handbag wasn't. "Have you found it?" Ash said coming into the hallway. "No," I said, holding the urge is back to cry. "Hey, it's okay, it might be in the car." "The bracelet Lizzie made me is in there... I can't... I don't care about anything else." "It'll be here," She assured me.

Lizzie was a sweet kid, she was 4 years younger than Ash and I and when she was around 8 she made these bracelets, it was a mix of different shapes and coloured beads, she picked out an M for mine and an E for Elizabeth. They were somewhat matching. I wore it all the time until our styles started to mature and eventually the bright summer colours didn't blend well with our modern New York style. So I switched it to my keychain on the office keys that l took with me everywhere no matter where in the world I was. It's like bringing a piece of Elizabeth with me wherever I was. Ashley went out to the car to check to see if Louis forgot to bring it in. The feeling of dread was weighing me down as I looked through my sister's house for my bag.

"MK." The way she said my name I knew my bag wasn't in the car and I knew it wasn't in the house. I felt ridiculous crying over a lost bracelet but it had sentimental value, even when I was in the streets or random house high I still had that bracelet with me, it was attached to my keys or my purse. It was always with me. "We'll find it," Ashley promised me. She knew it meant a lot to me.

Before the pressure to be perfect, the partying, the drugs and the stress of the world I was living in, Lizzie and I were really close. She just got me, sometimes more than Ashley did. I'd get lectured on set for not doing something flawlessly, or mum would yell at me for being too hyper as we waited to film. Lizzie would just smile at me and give me a thumbs up. "You got it!" She'd say and her gorgeous green eyes would twinkle with innocents. She got me through some tough days as a child actor. Her smile brought me so much happiness and I think she knew that because she was always smiling around me or at me. She made me feel like I was worth a smile, good enough to somebody even when I messed up. She didn't see what I lacked. She just saw her big sister. She looked up to me. She believed in me.

The older I got the more Ashley and I travelled for filming and press and events. Lizzie is four years younger than us and she couldn't always come along. But just because she wasn't with me with her bright smile doesn't mean the lectures and the telling off were left at home too. I'd often come back from trips down in the dumps and it took me a while to shake the feeling I wasn't good enough.

One day before Ashley and I were leaving for a three week trip she came into my room super early in the morning. She was about 8 at the time and she was always doing stuff like this. She was a child who craved attention which is a complete contrast to who she is today. So I just assumed she had gotten bored of waiting and came to interrupt my sleep for selfish, childish reasons. But she didn't. She brought me this brightly coloured beaded bracelet. It had a little M charm on it. "I made me one too," she told me proudly as she sat on my lap as I laid in bed still adjusting to being awake.

I took the bracelet from her. "Now I'm with you. And I can come on the trip." She said brightly. She was super emotionally intelligent for her age and she knew what made people happy and what made them sad. "I don't like it when you go away...they shout at you." "That's because I mess up," I tried to explain. "You do everything great. You're the best!" She exclaimed. "Will you wear it? So you'll be happy?" She asked innocently. "Everyday!" I promised her. She gave me an Eskimo kiss. She pulled away with a proud smile on her face like she had accomplished something so amazing. "Let's go back to sleep okay, otherwise mummy will be mad," I told her and she nodded, laying down with me cuddled into my side.