The love of my life

20. Accidental reunions

2019-2020

The next few months were a whirlwind of emotional ride. The entrance exam for her specialization, her emotions all over the place, her brother moving abroad and the fear of cancer coming back at every check up.

And yet she missed him.

There was barely a day that went by that she didn't long to hear his voice.
Yet he remained in her block list and she in his.

How did she know it?

Well, one night waiting for reports she looked at the moon and the desire to hear him was stronger than her control.

She ended up calling him, only to hear half a ring followed by "the number you have dialled is currently busy, please try again later."

It wasn't the usual, 'hold the line or call again later' so she tried again and again and again...
Only to hear the same half ring and the automated voice.

This meant only one thing.
She was blocked.

If the boys hostel knew that the girl most of them yearned to make an eye contact with, was lying in the block list of a guy that did not deserve her custom made designer punjabi jutti, let alone herself... They'd be mad crazy.

Something shifted in her that night and she installed Tinder while Samayra was away on her annual vacation, and Daman dealt with the tiring hours of internship.

Daman went out on a date with a guy thinking that this was all just about bodies chemical reactions and if she could just replace him in bed...

If she could replace him, she'll know that there was nothing special about him.

He was ordinary, it was her love that made him special.

She agreed to a one night stand as she lay naked in the arms of a stranger thinking about Ekansh, she knew that this wouldn't help.

Guilt clawed at her throat as she thought about her actions the next morning.

She wasn't the person who fucked for orgasms... She believed that sex altered a person's energy and reaches the soul.

She believed that opening her body to a stranger contaminated the purity of her being...

And yet as she did the walk of shame back to her hostel, she knew this night would cost her more than that.

The guy was a friend of another friend of Ekansh's. He would know what she did.

She'd just be another slut in his eyes.
A Tara.

He'd never marry her.

And guilt was replaced by frustration.

Why did she care what he thought?

Why would she marry him?

She hated him...

She overthought until she decided to keep herself busy and joined an NGO for treatment of stray dogs.

She soon had a schedule where she barely had time to eat, let alone think...

He visited her in dreams and some thoughts while eating or showering but she shook her head and pushed him away.

A few days later, she lay there thinking about her to-do plan for the next day and clothes to wear as her phone pinged.

"Congratulations..." Samayra shrieked.

"What happened?" Daman asked sleepily.

"You topped. You can get admission in whatever stream you want for masters... Are you taking Nutrition? I think so... You want something to do with lots of maths and calculations with energy, proteins, calcium and what not... and you want to go in teaching sooo..." She said as Daman rubbed the sleep off her eyes.

"Hold on what, the result is out?" She said followed by calling her parents and a night of celebration.

Her internship ended that month and she joined post graduation.

She made new friends and she laughed a little more, as Samayra passed her final year and entered internship under her guidance.

She did think about him.

There were some things, some places like the ice cream parlour that took her to the happy memories.

It was the second month into her masters that she recieved a notification for her convocation.

Convocation for everyone that graduated in that session... Both bachelors and masters.

He'd be here. In this city.
He'd share the same auditorium
He'd be around her again.

What would she do?
She decided on a dress and tried to keep her nervousness at bay as Samayra's taunts helped a little.

That wasn't of use, since he walked right by her side without addressing her presence.

As if he didn't know her.
They hadn't met once in her life.
Nor had they shared meals, hoodies and a bed.

Her smile turned upside down as she collected her degree and walked out unable to control her tears.

That night, he did call her.

That's when she realized she had unblocked him, that night when she found out that she was blocked and never blocked him again.

"Yes..." She spoke trying to be strong, regretting ever picking it up in the first place.

"You looked pretty." His voice said as she took a deep breath and told herself to not cry. He didn't deserve her tears.

"Who is this?" She asked and he chuckled.

"You say 'Hello, who's this' and not 'Yes' if you didn't know who was calling." He said as a tear slipped down her cheek and she reminded herself to breath.

Why did she let this asshole affect her so much? What did he ever do? Give her the very basic of attention...

Do the minimum...

Even less than the bare minimum, a man can do in a relationship.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I want to meet you... Just once more..." He said and the next thing she knew she was in his car, making out, no words were exchanged, just need and desperation.

But the moment the confession of her love reached her lips, she gulped and pushed him away, the words dissolving in the acid of her stomach.

"I'm sorry... I can't do this." Daman stated.

"I... I need you, I'll book a room and..." He begged.

"And then what? Tomorrow morning you'll run away because you don't want commitment... Or has that changed?" She asked.

Silence was a powerful answer.

"Dr. Ekanshbir Singh Sandhu, tell me if you see a future with me? If you're mentally mature enough and prepared to see a future with anyone..." She says as he shook his head.

"I... I can't..." He stuttered as she bend forward, hugged him tight and kissed his cheek.

"Good night. I'll always love you, but I know I deserve better than you can give." She said and walked out, shutting the door of his i20 and walking towards her future where she pledged that he had no place.