The love of my life

14. Figuring it out

January '2019

It was after another 6 months of excruciating pain and ruthless forms of treatment that she won the war against a very aggressive form of cancer. Now, Daman finally drove alongside her father to the hostel gates.

"Daman!!!" Samayra almost shrieked, as she was outside the gate accepting an online order.

"Oh my God... Hey... How are you? And oh... The last time we facetimed you had a Bob cut and... Now... Such long hair..." She spoke confused.

"Clip-in hair extensions... I don't even have the bob cut left anymore.Almost bald." She says with a shrug going to hug her.

"But now that you're officially cancer-free, it'll come back." Samayra said hopefully positive and looked at her father.

"I'll take the bags, Uncle. Don't give it to her." She said as Daman interfered.

"It's not heavy."she said as Samayra shooed her hand away.

"Not happening..." Samayra warned her as she said her goodbyes to her father and they made their way to her room.

"So, when's he coming to pick you up?" Samayra asks as Daman looks at her confused.

"Who?"

"Ekansh, Ofcourse... He must be dying to see you."

"I haven't told him that I'm back yet." Daman says as Samayra frowns.

"You haven't been talking to each other?"

"It went from twice every day to twice every week to... Umm... It's been two weeks..." She said collapsing on the bed, with the journey on road leaving her exhausted.

"And he didn't resist, letting you go..." She asked.

"I was the one that resisted... I was the one that asked questions. I was the one trying to continue the conversations... While all I got from him were one word replies... And then I couldn't... It seemed to have no effect. So, I decided to wait to confront him in person."

"When will that be?" Samayra asked unpacking for her and cleaning her room that had been closed for a while gathering dust.

"In a day or two?" She answered as Samayra frowned.

"Get up, freshen up and change. I'll change the sheets in the meantime." She said as Daman who was one year senior to her had a conniving smile.
"What are you gonna say to irritate me?" Samayra asked knowing that smile well.

"Anything else, Mommy?" She said as Samayra showed her the middle finger. "I love you too, Sammy..." Daman stated gathering her strength to get up.
She refrained from driving for sometime as advised by the doctor and went to the hospital with Samayra.

Her day passed nicely, with some sympathetic glances as she waited for Samayra in the car parking after her last class.

"Oh... Hi." she heard a familiar voice and turned to look at Ekansh.
"Hi... You look... Nice..." Daman says as she looked at the way the fabric of her shirt cupped his bicep. He had been working out, for sure.

"Yeah... Just burning some steam..." Ekansh says noticing her glance.
"You look a lot better. The old glow is slowly back.." he said with an appreciative smile.

"Thank you, I guess."

"You didn't tell me, you were coming back?" He asked as Daman turned to look at Samayra.

"I'll see you at the hostel." She said as Samayra turned to look at Ekansh.
"Make sure she reaches the hostel safely." She said as Ekansh nodded and she walked away.

Daman looked at the man, noticing how he spoke so less and yet said so much. How his feelings and words were always tucked away, where no one could access them...
She could the see the streaks of brown in the black of his eyes under the setting sun as he held out his hand.

"Shall we?" He asked as she nodded getting in his car.
"So where..." He was about to ask as S
something inside Daman just broke.

"What are we?" She asked as Ekansh looked at her as if she had asked him an unsolvable puzzle.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I mean what do I mean to you? What is my importance in your life?" She asks as Ekansh turns towards the front, putting the car in drive.

He couldn't express in words, how he delighted he was when he knew she had finally beat cancer. He wanted to hug her tightly, and jump up and down when he saw her today... But he didn't... He couldn't.

"We can go somewhere and talk..."

"Go where? You gave up the apartment and I can't eat outside food or even..." Daman was saying as Ekansh held her hand.

"A long drive? By the river..." He asked as she pulled her hand away.

"Okay." She said as he focussed on the road as a familiar song started.

The song Banjara from Ek villain was also playing in his car, the first time they kissed. It had meant so much to her until this moment as unsurity filled her soul. They knew each other for over 8 months. Was it still too early to put a name on whatever this was...

"Change the song..." She whispered as he looked at her.

"I thought you liked..." He was about to say as she started looking out of the window as if it was her final decision.

"Say it..." He says as she looked at him frowning. "Something's bothering you..." He said as  she looks back at him wondering if it's fine or not.

Is it too soon?
But they've known each other since 8 months...
They've been through ups and downs, sickness and health... Rage and love...

"I was at home, and I wondered what my parents would think about you... If you'd bond with my brother or if my nephew will love you... I wondered if he'll be jealous when you hug me, like he does with everybody else." she says as Ekansh's expression remained stoic focusing on the road.

"I wondered of a future with you." She says as he sighs. A sad sigh. A sigh that feels like 'I wished this day won't come'.

"Daman, I don't even earn. I am a student, dependent on my parents for..."

"And I'll be ready to wait... If you tell me that there is something worth waiting... Something that is not rejection."

"I just got out of a relation that..."

"It's been 8 months." She whispered.

"And it takes time to..."

"It didn't take time for you to get in bed with me."

"Daman... I..."

"Take that U-turn and drop me at the hostel." She says as Ekansh tried to comprehend his thoughts.

Yes, he felt something for her. Something so strong and something he tried his best to ignore.
He had been preparing himself for the past couple of months. He had promised himself that he'll tell her that he can't do this.

He can't say that he loves her and prepare himself for another heartache. He can't fall in love again, because this time... He might just not get up.

She made him feel things that he hadn't felt in a while... And 'Scared' was one of them.

Scared for her life when she was diagnosed.
Scared to lose her.
Scared about her leaving him.