Scratched

Thirty Seven

THIRTY SEVEN

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I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

Sometimes it was hard to recognize myself. On one hand I had always looked exactly like how I did then. I still had the same wild dark hair and amber colored eyes. I still had the same clothes and the same make up I always did. But there were little things, like how tired I looked. And sometimes I just looked so much older than I was. I sometimes felt that way too.

When I had lived in Riverview I hadn't felt older. In the days leading up to my departure for Lechston I hadn't felt old. I had felt young like I would be in that second forever. I hadn't even felt old when I'd arrived into Lechston. It was later that I started to feel this way. It wasn't the industry. I loved what I did. It was the things that happened because of what I loved. The rift that had formed between Tiana and I. We had always been tight, and now it seemed like we would never be again. And that was more on me than it had ever been on her. And then there was the divide between my mother and I. She still loved me and spoke to me, but it wasn't like it used to me. It was tense. I could feel her disappointment, and that was worse than not talking at all.

And then there was Rhett. The incident with Rhett probably got me more than anything else because we had always been together. When I was born he was one of the first to hold me. We had played together as children, grown up together. We had always had a good relationship, and while most siblings didn't we had. It was something that set us aside. When we were young I could remember sitting beside him as he played his playstation. It was back when the Lord of the Rings games had come out. We would stay up all night playing them. It wasn't a complex or touching memory, but it was something that I had always remembered.

It was something I missed now. It was more about just being able to talk to each other. That kind of communication wasn't there anymore, or so I thought. I wasn't sure if I would ever hear from Rhett again. I knew that I wouldn't hear from Tiana. I just hoped that maybe Rhett would be more level headed. That maybe he would forgive me. He was, after all, my brother. Blood was thicker. No matter how stupid or terrible your family might be they are still your family. I had always knew Rhett would be there. But despite how much I missed him I could bring myself to pick up the phone. For nothing more than just fear. Fear kept me from most things, like calling my father. I had dodged his calls since that concert. If he was trying to get in using me I just couldn't face it.

"In five," a stage hand said as they leaned through the doorway. I glanced over at him, nodding. He disappeared, leaving me to get myself ready. I stood, running a hand over my hair one last time and then I turned leaving the dressing room. I stepped up to the edge of he stage, taking a deep breath and then I stepped into the light.

♪       ♫       ♪

I leaned against the wall at the edge of the stage watching at the show Callum put on. He truly was a great performer. I couldn't imagine him doing anything else than this. I watched as he zipped around stage. He was probably the most energized performer out of the three of us. Reed and I both tended to stay in place or move back and forth but in a much smaller area than what Callum did. He used the whole stage when he performed. He finished his song, slowing a kiss at someone in the audience. He stepped up to the microphone, taking it in his hands.

"This next song is a favorite of mine. By one of my all time favorite bands because, you know, I'm British," he told the audience. He smiled, raking a hand through his sweet dampened hair. "God Save the Queen!" And then the guitar tore out, signaling the start of the song. Callum pulled the microphone towards him, his lips nearly brushing it. "God save the Queen. The fascist regime, they made you a moron. A potential H-bomb. God save the Queen. She ain't no human being. There is no future in England's dreamland."

He detatched the microphone so he could move around the stage. He was so into what he was singing. Callum didn't often to covers anymore, but when they did he knocked them out of the park. He leaned down over the audience, launching into the next part of the song. "Don't be told what you want. Don't be told what you need. There's no future. There's no future. There's no future for you,"he sang before pulling away and moving across the stage again. He took up next to the drums.

"God save the Queen. We mean it, man. We love our queen. God saves," he continued. He placed a hand on his heart dramatically as he did. "God save the Queen 'cos tourists are money, and our figurehead is not what she seems. Oh God save history. God save your mad parade. Oh Lord God have mercy. All crimes are paid." He moved up beside his brother, leaning against his as he played guitar and Callum sang. " When there's no future how can there be sin? We're the flowers in the dustbin. We're the poison in your human machine. We're the future. You're future." I had been so enraptured watching the show that I didn't notice Reed had slipped up next to me.

"What do you think of Callum?"

"He's putting on a great show."

He made a noise. My eyes didn't leave the stage and I hadn't thought Reed's had either until I felt them on me. I looked over at him, raising my eyebrows at him. I didn't understand why he was looking at me the way he was. I frowned. "What?" I asked him. I gestured to stage where Callum was a flurry of movement. "This is one of the best covers I've seen in a while. Don't you like it?" Instead of answering me he just shook his head before heading off backstag somewhere. That was strange. I turned my eyes back to the stage.

"God save the Queen. We mean it, man. We love our Queen. God saves," he sang out, back at the microphone stand now. I could tell his song was coming to an end. He leaned against the stand, finishing out the song strong. "God save the Queen. We mean it, man. There is no future in England's dreamland. No future. No future for you. No fufure for me." He stepped back, saluting the audience before dashing off the stage. He grabbed me up as he stepped off the stage. I laughed. "Bloody brilliant show, right? The audience was in uproar!"

"It was amazing!" I told them.

"Tell me about it," Ellery said.

Callum raked a hand through his hair. He was absolutely soaked. He had been tearing the stage up all night. Despite this he looked like he could keep going. He wrapped an arm around me. "What do you say, doll? Will you go out with me?" I nearly choked until his next words got me. "We need to celebrate such a spectacular show, and there is no one as much fun as you." I considered his offer. The show had been long and I did feel a little tired. He nudged me. "Come on! Let's go. All of you let's go!" The others were much less reluctant.

"You're right. The show must go on."

"Exactly! Away we go then," he said.

I started following after Callum as did everyone else. Everyone but Reed. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Luke stopped, looking back at Reed. He gestured to the door. "You coming, man?" he asked him. "It won't be any fun without you. We can see who would win in a drinking contest." Reed smiled but it was very slight, almost not even there at all. It was unlike Reed to be so half-hearted, especially with Luke. They were best friends.

"I'd win," he stated, matter-of-factly.

"Then you'll come?" he asked him.

Reed shook his head, surprising us both. "Go on ahead," he told Luke. "I'm not feeling up to it tonight." His eyes flickered to me, and I felt a spike of guilt. Why? I couldn't even begin to understand. Luke nodded and started off towards the door. I opened my mouth to ask him something but then I felt a hand close around my wrist, pulling me towards them. I spun around to face Callum. He smiled at me before pulling me with him towards the door. With one last look I glanced back at Reed. His eyes met mine before the door slammed shut between us.

* * * AUTHOR'S NOTE * * *

The song is God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols. Another great band. Some of my favorite stuff is punk. I have this thing for Sid Vicious. :) I just love him and Johnny Rotten too. With him though its probably the red hair. It's magnificent, and it leave me totally jealous I'm not a natural redhead.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!