Scratched

Forty Four

FORTY FOUR

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Its funny how everything can change so much, but then there are things that never change at all. Riverview was this for me. The last time I had been here felt like years ago. I didn't even feel like that same person any longer. I had been kicked out of Kaia's, signed, produced an album, had three top songs, screwed up two relationships, and nearly overdosed all since I left. But Riverview it was exactly as it was.

Bob still drove down the Boulevard like he was back in the eighties. The drugstore still sold the best cherry cokes I had ever tasted. The Strip mall was still the worst mall to date. Every single things—it was the same. Every person who had been there was still there, and every building still stood. I could have left for five years to find it just as it was. I couldn't understand how the world could spin and spin out of control, but this persisted.

I had opted out of a cab when I had landed in the airport. The town wasn't large and getting home would only take a few minutes. So I had decided to walk, and I needed the time to think. When I had left things had been bad, and no doubt they were worse now. I knew they read magazines and browsed the internet as much as anyone else did. I didn't expect a refuge in Riverview. I didn't expect anything really. I just had no where else to go.

As my home came into view I felt my heart seize up. Fear was so strong that I nearly turned and ran then, but I knew I had no other option. Where would I go? You had to stop running at some point. Mine was just sooner than I thought it would be. With one last deep breath, I pushed on the door. I wasn't surprised when it gave way. They still didn't look the door. I stepped inside, smelling the familiar smell of home. I looked around, taking everything in. It was exactly as I had left it.

"Louis, is that you?" my mother called.

I froze, my words sticking in my throat. I knew I should say something, make my presence known but I had no idea what to say. No matter my age and what happens to me in my life I will always freeze up like this with my mother. I might argue with her at times, but that underlining of anxiety will always be with me. "Will you check on Laila?" she asked from the other room. "I thought I heard her crying earlier, but I was so busy with trying to get dinner together. It's just been a mess."

Once again I stayed quiet. After several minutes I heard a crash and then Laila started crying. I heard my mother curse from the other room. "Damn it, Louis are you deaf?" she asked as she started around the corner. She had her mouth open as if she was in the process of saying something, but when she saw me she stopped dead in her tracks. Her mouth snapped shut. Whatever she was about to say was lost. We stared at each other, neither of us knowing what to say. Finally, I spoke up.

"Hey, mom," I said quietly.

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"What else could I say?"

She threw her hands up in the air. "How about, 'I'm sorry?'" she asked me now. If I had thought her anger had lessened I was wrong. "You leave, you throw your education away, and for what? What was it all for, Piper? You don't think I've seen the news and read the papers? It's everywhere! It's consumed us for the last couple of days. I wasn't sure what to think? What should I think, Piper? I've had calls, and all they want to know about is you. Do you know what its been like?"