Scratched

Forty Seven

FORTY SEVEN

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When I heard a knock on my door that morning I had expected to see a lot of different people, but not the one I found. I had thought maybe it was Rhett or even Reed, but instead when I pulled the curtain aside I found Tiana. She was dressed in a pair of white capris and a baby-doll shirt while I was rocking some serious bedhead and pajamas I had lived in the last couple of days. It wasn't exactly my greatest moment, but I couldn't find the energy to care. It was still too early for me.

I opened the door, making room for her to enter. She stepped through, throwing a look around the room. "This is disgusting," she commented with a pointed look near the floor next to my bed. There was a collection of glasses and bowls that I had yet to clean up. Tearing her eyes away from the mess that was my room she looked at me, "And you don't look much better." I looked down at myself. I couldn't say I disagreed with her.

"Gee, thanks," I said.

"No problem," she said conversationally. We stood not knowing what else to say. I shifted uncomfortably. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I crossed the room in my nervousness, plopping down on the bed. After several minutes she inhaled, preparing herself. "You're not the same, and I resented that. But I've been thinking a lot, and I realized that I've changed too. I'm not the person you remember, and neither are you.

I wasn't sure why, but I felt the need to correct her. She wasn't mad or dismissing me, but I felt like this was an important turning point and if I let it pass there would be no going back. "Ti, nothing has changed. We are still the same people," I told her, trying to reassure her although I wasn't sure why. "Yeah, our likes and dislikes will change but at our core we are the same. You are still my best friend, and that will never change."

She inhaled then slowly let it out. She took a seat, looking like she was preparing to say something hard. I felt my heart seize up, dread feeling me and I didn't even know why. "As much as I would like that to be—we have changed," she said softly. Her voice carried the tone of resignation. "You were never meant for here, and I can't keep you." I knew then that this was it. Maybe one day we would make it back to each other, but for now this was it. She knew that we lived two different lives.

I sat in my room several minutes after Tiana left. I knew that she was right in a way. We were just in two different places. Eventually, I drug myself upstairs. I found mom in the kitchen. She looked up when I walked in. I opened my mouth to tell her—I don't know something. I knew that I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed to be in Lechston, and I realized that now. This wasn't who I was anymore. Before I could speak she did. "I know," she said. "You need to do what feels right to you."

I went back down the stairs that lead to my room. I needed the time to myself. It was a lot to take in. Everything with Tiana and now my mom. Everything had been so shattered, and now I felt like slowly it was piecing back together. It wasn't perfect, and probably never would be but right now everything seemed to be working. Thinking this, I crossed the room and dropped down onto my bed. I looked at the floor where I had left my phone, determining if I should call Reed or not.

Deciding I would I reached for it. As I gripped it in my hands my eyes landed on something I hadn't noticed previously. In the corner of my room, nestled between some books, was the clown figurine. I laughed, thinking back to the bus. Of course, I thought with a shake of my head. With one last look at the clown I pushed off the bed and slipped out the door, completely forgetting to call him. It wouldn't matter anyway. I would see him soon enough.