Scratched

Four

FOUR

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"Hold her still, Piper!"

I can't!" I pointed out.

I struggled to grab Laila's legs. She made gurgling sounds, wiggling out of my hold. I let out an exasperated sigh. I was having about enough of this! Eventually, mom pushed me aside and grabbed Laila instead. I moved out of the way, dropping my head onto my hand. "I got it," she told me as she worked on changing Laila into her clothes. "Do me a favor and grab her shirt." I pushed up from the ground, getting the shirt she had asked for. I handed it to her. "Thanks, honey."

I had been thinking a lot lately. I was going to be going off to college at the end the summer. I needed to get my shit together. I had applied everywhere and had even got accepted to them all, but I had no idea what I wanted to do. Well, actually that was a lie. I did know what I wanted to do, but I just didn't't think mom would be too happy about it. I had been dancing around the subject for a while now. I was thinking of the best way to bring it up to her. I came to the decision that there wasn't't a perfect time. So I was just going to get into it and hope for the best.

"So...mom," I started.

"What?" she asked.

I dropped down onto the ground beside her again, watching her change Laila out. How was I even going to breech this? Did I just spit it out or should I ease into it? I just had to say it—get it out there. "I've been thinking about what I want to major in," I told her. She glanced up at me, a slight smile on her face. She wouldn't't be smiling for long. "I know how you feel about it, but I want to major in music! I've thought it over and thought it over and I've come to this decision again and again. If you think about it there is a lot I could do with a music degree it wouldn't be—"

"Absolutely not!" she said.

"Mom, just listen to me!"

Mom stood up, grabbing Laila as she did. She shoved her long hair out of her face and adjusted Laila on her hip. She faced me. "We've talked about this, Piper. I want what is best for you, and this isn't it," she explained. I knew her reasoning and I was glad she was concerned about my future, but it didn't matter. I could make this work. I knew I could. I just had to make her see it. "You need to think of your future not a fleeting hobby."

Now I was starting to get a little angry. It was one thing for her to worry about the future, but to call what I loved fleeting was wrong. There was nothing fleeting about it. I loved this. I wanted to keep doing this. I would never get another chance to do this. When I went to college that was that. I couldn't go back and major again. I could change why I was there, but there was nothing else I wanted. I would be doing this for the rest of my life if I got the chance.

"This isn't fleeting, mom. I want to do this, and I will keep doing this. I won't just get bored and move on," I insisted as she moved off into the kitchen. She was shaking her head as she went. She didn't want to hear what I had to say. She wanted to say what she wanted to say, but not listen to anyone else. "If you want whats best for me you'll accept this, because this is my passion. It always has been. You may not have that in anything, but I do and I won't just forget about that."

She suddenly stopped, leaning against the counter. She was eerily silent. She looked up at me, her eyes blazing. I frowned, wanting to bolt. I wanted to be anywhere else but here. “You’re just like him, you know,” she said bitterly. I flinched at the sound of her voice like I had been struck. Her words hurt. Not because they were intended as an insult but because she hated him. She hated him with everything inside her. Feeling that hate turned around on me wasn’t welcome but strangely I wasn’t upset. I was angry, more than I had ever been.