Scratched

Two

TWO

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I hated mini golf with a passion.

The whole idea behind it put me off, and defeat didn't look good on me. This didn't seem to matter to my family however. They lived and breathed all things golf—particularly mini golf. I know, as if golf couldn't be any more difficult they shrink it and put you in tight spaces. It was the most ridiculous idea to ever come around. And despite how desperately I despised all things golf, every year at the end of the school my family celebrates. They all say we do it for my grandfather, who is a maniac about golf, but I know better. We may play golf on his birthday but really we just go because they love it. Any excuse is welcome for them.

And so we all gather at our local course, Shiver Me Timbers. I had never liked Shiver Me Timbers. It was a cheesy pirate themed course, as if mini golf could be any worse. It was outdoors—decorated with fake shipwrecks, canons, skeletons, and actual robotic talking parrots. I mean, who thought of this stuff? And all the workers, the few unlucky ones there were, wore these horrible costumes which included a hat, coat, and eye patch. Some of the workers even wore beards. The women got the honor of being wenches, that's just what we need, right? But many of the women had rejected the idea, a "rebellion" of sorts against the management. The idea quickly tanked when the complaints started piling up. But that didn't change the fact the course was still distasteful with or without wenches. If this wasn't bad enough their greeting was sure to get you.

My grandparents are fairly old. Old enough that there are some things they just shouldn't be exposed to. So when we first started going here, after Happy Holes went under, there was a bit of controversy upon entering. We walked under the lovely barnacle covered sign just as a guy shouted to us from his post. "Ahoy, mateys! Welcome to Shiver Me Timbers Golf, we've got the most booty!" His voice was slathered in a thick fake pirate accent that was so unbelievable that I almost turned around and left right then.

Everyone froze. My grandparents glanced at each other expressions of horror written across their faces. He looked back at the pirate, narrowing his eyes at him. "You've got what?" my grandfather insisted, straightening his back as if preparing for something. Oh my god, there's going to be a fight. I pressed my hand against my face, trying to look anywhere else but at my grandfather. Maybe they'd all think I wasn't with them. Beside me Rhett perked up, looking too amused for my taste. He probably thought this was all just wonderful. "I'm not sure who you think you're talking to, young man. There are women about. My daughter and granddaughter are present." He jerked his thumb back to me. Well, there goes that idea.

My face turned bright red and so did the bearded pirate. He stammered, clearly uncomfortable now. I understood the feeling well. "I-I didn't mean anything by it, sir. It's just s-something I'm required to say. I apologize if I of-f-fended you" No one said anything. They glanced around as if they wanted this whole incident to just disappear. As for my grandfather he just ignored him, rushing up to take the balls and clubs. He flicked one more dirty look at the pirate before pushing off down the stairs.

To say the least it was a nightmare and I had begged my mother to not bring us again, or at least not me. That wasn't an option though. When it comes to my family and golf you have to agree with them-there is no other way. So we continued our tradition on at Shiver Me Timbers. My family had even developed a sort of love for the place, which was beyond me. They even wore the stupid gifts they give you at the end, it's mainly a child thing but what can I say—my family is dedicated.

"Hole in one!" Rhett yelled, holding his club in the air alongside his closed fist. I made a face at him, watching him strut around the court. If you looked at Rhett and I beside each other you'd never think we shared some of the same blood. Other than having the same hair color we looked nothing alike. Whenever I brought friends over they seemed reluctant to believe we were related. And at times like this, I found it hard to believe too. Despite our differences we got along remarkably well. He was the only person in my family that didn't piss me off. Okay, didn't piss me off all the time.