Love and Let Go ↔ Yang Jungwon

2

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Jungwon's eyes enlarges as the girl sits next to him, her back on the tree. Her dark chocolate brown curtain bangs sweep onto her face as a breeze comes by. She places her white messenger bag beside her and leans against the tree. Who was she? She was his classmate, that Jungwon was sure of. He remembers seeing her in the hallways, but what was her name again? Karina? Haewon? Mirae?

The girl stares into the horizon and sighs. "It's hard to lose somebody you love, isn't it?"

Silence. Jungwon freezes in shock. His hand grips on the grass, nearly ripping them out of the ground. He was feeling a bit uncomfortable, but she continues, either unaware or uncaring.

"Losing someone you love can break your spirit. It's like part of your soul was torn away." she says slowly. "We think we have forever until that happens, but the truth is, in a blink of an eye, they could be gone. Forever. I guess that's how life works. We win some, we lose some, but in the end, we'll have to accept it."

Was this girl telling Jungwon that she understood what he was going through? Did she? No, they never understand. They won't ever understand what he had gone through. Jungwon clenches his fists. He didn't need her pity if that's what she was giving him.

"I bet you loved her, didn't you? You still probably do. Her death was probably like going through hell for you," the girl drops her voice to a whisper. And for the first time, she meets his eyes. "It's hard, isn't it? Knowing that your love is dead and you would never get to see her ever again."

Annoyance bubbles up inside of him. Jungwon couldn't hold it back anymore, hearing her give him pity. "What are you trying to say? That you understand? That you know how it feels like to endure that kind of pain? Are you trying to sympathize with me? 'Cause if you are, you don't!" he blurted out angrily. "No one ever does until they lose somebody they loved! Stop pretending that you know how I feel!"

He quickly shuts his mouth. Shoot, he shouldn't have lost his temper like that. He opens his mouth to apologize, but closes it, slightly ashamed of himself. The girl's eyes glisten with tears, but she quickly wipes them away. She plasters a weary smile on her face. "I'm not trying to say that I understand exactly how you feel, even if it seemed like that. What I'm trying to say is that I know losing her was hard for you, but you have to move on. This is how life works, Jungwon. Would Sakura like to see you this way? Think about how she would react if she saw you this way."

Sakura. His love on the cot, laying there lifeless after she had spoken her last words.

"But if you really must know, I've lost people who I loved before.  I want to tell you that you should move on before it becomes permanent."

"I-"

"Sakura would like you to smile again, Jungwon. Do her a favor and fulfill her last wish."

The girl stands up hurriedly and starts running... not before Jungwon catches a glimpse of shining tears running down her pale cheeks.

He wanted to run after her, to say that he was sorry. That he lost his temper quickly. That he shouldn't have yelled at her. He slumps against the tree trunk. He really messed up this time.

She was right in a way. Jungwon couldn't keep living like this forever, but he can't help but sink deep in memories. Sakura was too embedded in his heart.

He stares at the blue sky and he could've sworn that he saw her in the sky, beaming at him. He knew that he was probably hallucinating. Again.

Jungwon furrows his eyebrows and gazes wistfully at the sight before him. "Sakura, I can't seem to move on. Where are you?" he mumbles in a state of delirium. Deep in his heart, he knows that she isn't in front of him, but he just wants to pretend, just for a moment, that she's there with him.

His eyes close. Thoughts swarmed his head. What should he do about the girl? Maybe he could apologize for his stupidness in class... that is, if she would accept it. She probably wouldn't though.

Jungwon groans and opens his eyes, only to see the sun start to set. He grabs for his phone and taps on it. Stupid, he has been there for an hour since school ended. His mother was going to murder him if he came home extremely late.

Reluctantly, he pulled himself up and stretched his arms. Jungwon turns to look at the signatures one last time, but instead, finds himself looking at a particular white messenger bag lying on the ground.

That girl must've left her bag there, he thought. He should give it back to her tomorrow. Bending down, he grasps her bag and was about to thrust it over one shoulder when something shiny catches his eyes.

Jungwon knew it was rude to peek into other people's belongings, but curiosity got the best of him. Slowly, he unclasps the messenger bag open and peers inside.

Inside were ordinary school supplies. Pencils were lined up neatly, tucked into a pouch of the bag. Some markers and Post-its were scattered inside messily. A few notebooks were stuffed into the bag, but what had caught his eye was the shining wrappers of wrapped candy.

Candy? he thought incredulously. Why would the girl have candy?

He clasps the bag shut in confusion and shrugs. It didn't really matter to him. He'd apologize and give back the bag back to the Candy Girl tomorrow.

Jungwon starts his way home, each step feeling a bit heavier than the last. He sighs.

He can't really move on, can he?