Carina and Maya (TWO)

Carina im here for you

Monday February 20 th 2016

** Maya has been going back to her "eyes forward" coping mechanism and is unfortunately lashing out at everyone who she cares about.. and Maybe it's time to go back to therapy . She hasn't been sleeping at home for the past 4 days... but on this day she did sleep at home with her wife**

7h47
Carina: okay guys let's go you are going to be late for school and momma can't drive you all today I have back to back meetings and mommy is going to work soon too ! ** as she changes Alessandro's diaper **
Maya : have a good day today, be nice and don't forget to say the magic words . Okay?

C , V,S and L : yesss mommy!! Have a good day too!!
** all four kids hug their moms and head out the door, Chloe and Lorenzo head to the bus, Violet and Scarlett both are ready to go !**

Carina: babe , talk to me please! What's wrong?
Maya: nothing is wrong , I'm just extremely stressed and really late for work.
Carina: yeah so am I , MAYA , remember when you isolated you from everyone at the station.. and I said I'm staying in our relationship cause I love you so much that it physically hurts me?
Maya: yeah...
Carina: well .. hrmmm ! Bambina! Please don't go back to your old habits, I don't want to leave you... but if you don't change the way you lash out at me ..
Maya : are you threatening me that you're going to leave me and divorce me!
Carina: I did not say that but every single tiiime you go back to your old fucking " eyes forward" IT BREAKING US APART!!
Maya : I love you Carina, so much and all of our five children I really really do , it's hard being in the same pattern for years!

**Carina sobbing**

I know... but I can't live with a hot gorgeous firefighter who looks like my wife, smells like her but all I see Is her ghost. I want you back the way you were when you found out that I was pregnant with the kids, I don't care which one... but we were happy!

Please please go back to see DIANE , I have to go , I love you so much, forever and always.
Maya: I love you too so much, I'll see if she comes by the station today , if not I'll call her and make an appointment with her , cause I really really don't want to lose you or the kids!

** Both wives kissed each other with tears flowing down their faces**

Carina: see you tonight my love!
Maya: yeah! Can't wait!!

8h15 am
*** Carina buckled up Violet, Alessandro and Scarlett in their car seats and dropped them off at daycare **

Violet: bye momma I love you, have a wonderful day!
Scarlett: bye bye momma, I love you too !
Carina: bye bye girls , see you later tonight! Momma will come pick you up after work.

Carina headed out of the daycare door and drove right into grey's Sloan Memorial Hospital's employee parking lot. She grabbed her purse and came right into the pit

Carina: hi everyone, so sorry I am late, I had difficulty getting the kids ready.. they all threw a massive toddler tantrum!! ** she rolled her eyes and got her stethoscope and puts it around her neck **

Bailey: good morning Carina, it's really not a problem, we understand, we have to deal with the tantrums in order to move forward from the situation!
Carina: yeah exactly!

16h35
Carina is back at daycare picking up her three youngest kids and her two oldest should be home in a few minutes with the school bus, Maya wouldn't be home until 18h15 ish ,

Carina: hiii guys how was your day ? ** as she is holding Alessandro in her arms, Violet and Scarlett are following their momma into their car seats ! **

Violet: I made a new fwend momma!
Carina: you did? That's wonderful baby, what is your new friend's name?
Violet: Matthew!
Scarlett : no Matthew is my fwend
Carina: Woah woah, no fighting, Matthew can be both of your friends!

** Carina is now in the driver seat and then it hits her ONE DAY IM GOING TO RAISE OUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN all by myself. Carina couldn't help the tears from coming down her face and she didn't stop them from coming out **

Scarlett : why momma crying?
Carina: I'm fine girls , sometimes when we are extremely tired we can cry and that's what I'm doing, I'm fine!

18h22
Maya is in the driveway and heads in the house, completely unaware of the fact that her strong, extremely patient wife has been thinking about the fact that one day , eventually maya is going to die on the job , therefore leaving Carina widowed with FIVE CHILDREN to take care of **

Maya: hi everyone! How was your day?
Carina: Lorenzo, I told you about leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor, I almost tripped over them while holding your brother, please put them in the entrance closet like they are supposed to be.
Lorenzo: yes momma, I'm sorry I forgot. I just had to go to the bathroom really quick when we came home and I got distracted.
Carina: hi bambina!
My day was intense.. ! And you?
**Maya could clearly see that her wife had been crying nonstop **
Are you okay my love?
Carina: yeah I'm fine!
Maya: okay babe , no you are clearly not, tell me what's wrong please!
**Carina let out a huge sigh **
I don't know... if I can continue...
Maya: I've been going to therapy with Diane , three days a week, for us.
Carina: it's not that but thank you for going. It's just that today , as I was coming home from the daycare, and I knew it before obviously, but it dawned on me that one day Maya, one day, I may receive the agonizing phone call , telling me " my wife didn't make it" because she decided to become a firefighter, and I know it's extremely not fair to you, and we've already discussed it but it's been on my mind SINCE that talk ... and I seriously am practicing being a single parent , just to prepare myself of my harsh reality...

** Carina sobs and puts little Alessandro in his momma roo swing and sits down on the couch with her hands on her face**

Maya: okay shhh , I know it's a dangerous job but I'm always careful and every where I go I keep saying " my family, my wife needs me home tonight" and I'm still here so I'm not going to let you do everything in the house all by yourself!
Carina, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere!