When Nadia Marsh; a cheerful and popular ice skater, is overtaken by a mystery illness, everything changes.
When everyone around her is training for sectionals; Nadia is house bound, where even the smallest effort leaves her feeling exhausted.
Getti...
"Guess you were right to hide the way you feel, We'd keep pretending like it wasn't real."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
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TW: Talks of suicidal thoughts.
NADIA'S POV:
I don't know how I got here, and I don't know how long it's been but I've been lying fully clothed in this cold bath for a while. I think it was once warm, I'm not too sure and I can't really remember. I think after Jasper left, I intended to go back to sleep but I was in pain so I ran myself a bath and was too exhausted to take off my clothes, so here I am.
I don't want to move, nor do I think I can, so I'll rest here a little while longer. I've felt almost numb since Jasper left and I can't decipher why. I'm okay with how things ended but I just think the shock of change is what's made me like this. I have been with that boy since I was just barely a teenager and I truly believed he was going to be the boy I was going to marry, he was my whole vision of my future and now he won't be in it at all and I need to accept that.
I sink downwards so I can put my head underwater and when I start to feel the pressure in my chest and lungs from holding my breath I make no move to go back above the bath water. I carry on holding my breath and struggle against myself and what is going on in my head. I believe it would be easier if I stayed underwater until the water filled into my lungs until it stops me from breathing completely.
I hope the way I'm feeling now doesn't last forever. I'm fatigued and lonely. I truly hate sleeping alone because there is no one there to calm the voices inside of my head. Staying under the water and ending everything right now would end all of this constant suffering, but I am trying to be strong. When I get like this- when the voices get so strong in my head- I think about my family and those that I love. I don't like to think about how my parents and brother will react if they find me with no pulse, but I have to in order not to take my own life. I love my family and I don't want them to have to suffer with losing me but I am already gone and the pressure inside of my head that is telling me to just get the pain over with is becoming too much.
If I die right now Archie will be there waiting for me with open arms and all I want is to be able to see him again, but he will soon push me to live because my time isn't supposed to be now, no matter how much I wish it would be.
People say that the universe puts people through bad things to make them stronger, but I don't want to be stronger, I just want to be able to live.
What I have with Corey, however much it may be ruined because I slept with Jasper, is special and I don't think I would be able to find comfort in him moving on if I died, some may call it selfish but I don't want him to feel what he feels for me with anyone else. I hate that I am keeping myself alive for others, I want to find happiness in living for myself.
