Hate at First Sight

Chapter 43

Alice's P.O.V

I've missed Ireland, a lot. I only realise just how much when my feet touch the ground and I feel the familiar sensation of rain on my skin. I run to Lea and hug her tight. All of my built up emotions are causing me to cling to her. I can't lose her again. I can't feel how I did after I left ever again. I remember lying, curled up in a ball and crying myself to sleep... not that I got very much of it but it was nice when I did manage to drift off, away from all of the hurt for a while.

On the way home we discuss the most trivial subjects - the weather, celebrities, food. Anything to avoid talking about my motives, anything to avoid telling her everything that I'd felt.
I know I can't avoid it anymore though. I need to know what the situation is back home.
"So um... You and Ed?" I question, feeling awkward and guilty remembering that day, her face.
"We're fine!" She smiles gently at me.
"So what about you? I suppose you've met some great guy back in America? Or that lad you told me about in the beginning?"
I shake my head, turning to stare out the window.
"I think I love him." I murmur, redirecting my attention to my hands in my lap.

Lea looks confused. "Who?"
"Ben." His name is barely a whisper and I'm surprised Lea could even hear me. But she did.
"I've never been in love Lea. It scares me. I've always been too afraid to let anyone in. I push everyone away because I can't face the pain when they leave. That's why I did that for all of you before I left. I pushed you all away 'coz I knew you wouldn't do it. That way you wouldn't have to feel the pain when I left and I'm sorry for coming between you and Ed."

Lea opens her mouth to speak but I need to finish.
"Trust and love and well... people are fragile Lea. You don't know the pain of somebody you care about leaving and I hope you'll never have to know it. It's like a beautiful delicate ornament, a... porcelain doll. A relationship is like a china doll. I'm like a china doll. It's delicate and fragile and could potentially break at any stage. One wrong move and that doll is broken. You can try and fix it but it will never be quite the same as it was before. When it was unbroken."

"I'm damaged goods and nobody wants damaged goods. I had to push you all away because sure it might have hurt but at least you wanted me to leave. My point is..." I sniffle and wipe my eyes giggling sadly at my stupidity.
"I've never felt this way before and I need him back. I need you back and I need my parents back."

We arrive home and Lea cuddles me again. "Alice look at me!"
I glance up at her, tears glistening in my eyes.
"We love you, more than words could ever express okay? And whether you believe it or not you are wanted! I've felt like a piece of me has been missing while you were gone and I refuse to live without you anymore."

She takes my hand and pulls me inside to face my parents. I really hope they still care about me after what I said.