Hate at First Sight

Chapter 45

Alice's P.O.V

After being reunited with my parents and with Lea I felt a lot better about everything. The positivity that had turned to dust in the past few months had returned and I felt content.
There was just one thing so obviously missing. Or rather, one person...

I decide to go and attempt to make Ben understand. I can't just give up on him. But has he given up on me? I hug Mom and Dad some more and decide I need Lea to come with me. I can't face this alone.

I'm too nervous to speak to Lea much on the way so we walk in companionable silence. She sits on the wall outside Bens house and I stumble towards the front door, anxious.

I ring the doorbell and step back. I see the edge of a drawn curtain move an inch but he's glancing at Lea who's now standing halfway up the driveway watching. He thinks it's her. The evening breeze makes me shiver and I pull my hoodie more tightly around me, desperately trying to shield myself... From what? The cold? Or the pain?

Lea drops her eyes to the ground as the door opens and retreats to her position on the wall.
Ben looks at me and begins to shut the door again. I jam my foot in the gap, knowing it will hurt but I have to speak to him.
I hear male voices in the background.
"Who is it?" One shouts.
"That the pizza?" A familiar voice asks, moving towards the slightly opened door with money rattling in his hand.
Oh no. Lee is here.

"It's no one important, I'll be in in a minute." Ben mutters. Ouch. I feel a pang in my chest and I'm pretty sure I'm about to cry. Lee tries to peek over his shoulder but I'm pretty sure he can't see me any more than I can see him. I just notice his hair rise slightly as he strains to see and then gives up and walks away.

Ben steps out and shuts the door behind him. "What do you want?" His tone is icy. I shudder.
"I'm sorry Ben." I try to say more but I can't. There's a lump in my throat and I have to bite back my tears, they'll only make him more angry.
"I don't want to speak to you Alice. Go away."
I drop my gaze. His eyes are piercing, cold.

Ben glances up at Lea now and shouts in her direction.
"I already told you Lea!"
Lea refuses to look at him. Why?
He shakes his head, exasperated as Lea continues to ignore him.
I hear footsteps and the door opens.
"Mate what are you.... Alice?" Lee gawks at me confused. Someone follows behind Lee. I recognise him as another friend of Ben's, Shane.

Shane looks at me.
"Oh boy Alice didn't you break his heart something shocking!"
I bite my lip. He pats Ben on the back and goes back into the house.
Lee is still stood looking at me.
"I'm sorry Lee. I needed to push him away and I used you to do it, which was wrong of me."
Lee nods at me.
"You forgive me?" I ask uncertain.
"It's not for me to forgive. It was Ben you hurt, not me." With that he goes back inside too, shutting the door.

Ben has remained quiet through all of this. "I'm sorry Ben. I didn't mean to do this. I wanted to make it easier on you. You meant the world to me and you still do and it kills me to think I've hurt you at all but it would've been worse if you hadn't wanted me to leave. Trust me you have no idea of the pain I've gone through over the last few months. I've been so alone and all I wanted to do was pick up my phone and talk to you guys but I couldn't because it would hurt too much."

"If you can find it in your heart to forgive me I promise I'll never do anything like that again. I'm sorry and I know you know about Ed too and I need you to know that neither him nor Lee meant anything. It was a way of pushing you guys away which is something I've always done. Can it maybe go back to how it was?" I sniffle.

He looks at me for a long time, not saying anything. He runs his hand through his hair and glares up at the sky before glancing at me again.
He opens the door again.
"No." And with that failed attempt at reconciliation I feel my world crumble.