TRAITOR - woosan

2. him

Yunho (the party)

I put down the cup in my right hand on the table in front of me. Is it my fourth or sixth drink? I don't know, I am not sure anymore... I usually don't drink that much. I used to be scared of the feeling the alcohol gave me. The horrible sensation of losing control. 

One time I got drunk so badly that my parents brought me to the hospital. I swore to myself that day that I will never touch any drop of alcohol ever again.

And here I am, at a party.

The truth is my heart could not handle it anymore. 

I need to clear my mind. I need to drink my emotions. 

Trying to forget about him. Trying to forget what he did.

The music is so loud, I can barely hear the couple sensually talking next to me. It's not like I would like to overhear anything, I really don't care what they are saying. I just need something to distract me.

I sigh and look around. The house is bigger than I remember. The three floors are full of people dancing, drinking, and smoking, and it's only 11 PM. It looks like the whole city is stuck in one place tonight: Seonghwa's house.

A smile finds its way onto my face when my eyes caught a good-looking man on the dance floor smiling back at me. Seonghwa, the master of midterm parties and the swim team captain. 

I never found myself attracted to him even though I spend so much time with him and the team this summer. We actually have a rule concerning gay stuff and it's completely forbidden (for a reason I don't know). So if you are a part of the swim team you're automatically straight. That's why I should be cautious about my frequentation. 

I hit my head with my hand. I am so in trouble. Why would I have to fall for him over all the people in university? My friends tried to warn me about him; that he was just a fuckboy, that he was using me and all the other toxic stuff. And I still could not put myself to listening to them, because... I fucking love him.

I pass my hands in my hair and bite my bottom lip harder. I am so mad at myself. I should not let a guy make me feel like shit. He does not deserve it.

I sigh once again and look at my cup. Empty.

I should get going now, it's been enough emotions and drinking for one night. I also have school tomorrow and I don't want to fall asleep in class, it would be too embarrassing. 

But as I get up, my eyes meet familiar dark ones, him.

I freeze for a second not knowing what to do. We stare into each other eyes for a brief moment, like we were the only ones in the room. I could tell he is also having a rough night. His messy hair, red eyes, and black clothes... He looks like a mess, but I still find him attractive. What is wrong with me? Am I going to get over him one day?

He starts walking towards me, but I suddenly walk away and ignore him.

I know what will come next if I stay with him. We will pass an incredible night of drinking and dancing. And I would once again forgive him and end up in his bed. But I am better than this, I deserve better.

On my way to anywhere else, my head starts hurting, so much that it makes me feel sick like I am about to throw up all the drinks I just had. Despite my urging need to evacuate the alcohol, I find myself distracted by a voice behind me.

"Hey, Yunho! Wanna play truth or dare?" A guy yells at me from behind.

I slowly turn around to face him while trying to keep myself from vomiting.

"Yeah sure. Wait for me." I simply shout followed by a happy gathering.

He nods and walks away toward the circle while I rush to the toilet as soon as he was gone.

I hate throwing up, completely hate it. Alcohol is really no good.

***

I was finally done puking, I think I really let everything out. I clean myself and the bathroom. It really smells bad in here; I should get going. As soon as I opened the door, a couple in a rush make their way into the bathroom to hook up. Nice.

I close the door and follow... What is his name again? I don't even know.

I sit with a bunch of other people I don't know in the living room. It is really crowded, and I am feeling a bit dizzy due to the high percentage of alcohol still in my blood. I really drank a lot tonight.

The girl next to me gets to kiss the guy she finds the most attractive in the room.

I instinctively avoid her sigh. I am not into kissing girls and don't want to start acting like a straight guy. It's not me.

She stands up and walks in a big circle to see every face. I find myself distracted when I see my roommate Jongho entering the room and sitting in front of me. He gives a smile and I smile back at him. However, I notice he was actually smiling at the girl in the middle of the circle; the girl who just chose him to exchange a kiss. 

And their kiss ends more like a big french. Good for him.

Then it's my turn.

"So, Yunho, truth or dare?" The guy with red hair immediately asks me.

"Hum... Truth." I say quickly.

From what just happened, I decided to go for safety.

The guy smirked back at me, happy with my answer. Why the hell did I ever accept to play such a boring game? I just want to get in bed and forget about tonight.

"How many guys have you slept with?" He asks with such ease.

I find myself short in my pants and unable to swallow properly after hearing the question. No one (except Wooyoung and Yeosang) knew that I was gay, not even my family so how does he know?

He looks at me with victory probably acknowledging my face turning red. He is right, I am gay, but it is not his right to tell everyone about it. Surely not here while playing such a stupid game.

The only person who would tell him about this it's... him.

"What are you saying? He was with my cousin last year remember?" Wooyoung shoots from the opposite side of the room.

Talking about him.

I look at the new arrival in shock. For how long was he standing in the room? I did not notice he was even there. 

Wooyoung's words echo in my head. Since when do you have a cousin? The only cousin I know is Seonghwa and he is a male for fuck sake. 

The guy looks at Wooyoung amused.

"Yeah, yeah you're right my bad Yunho." He says with a smirk before leaving.

I want to look at Wooyoung, somehow thankful, but he was no longer there. Why did he cover me? I thought I was nothing to him, especially after today...