TRAITOR - woosan

20. swim training

San

I look at my phone for the last time before putting it back in my locker. 

Liza has been texting me none stop after what happened in her room yesterday. Moreover, what did not happen? I couldn't bring myself to reply to her. I just can't find the right words. I feel like I'm forcing myself to act normal when everything is out of control in my head. I really thought that spending the night with my girlfriend will fix everything between us but it just got worst.

I close the door harder than I attempted to, making a loud noise. Some guys turn their heads at me which I decide to ignore. It's not like I know these boys anyway, they're mostly part of the water polo team. From what I heard, they are not the friendly type of guys. Maybe I should avoid getting attention from them then.

I put my bag on the bench beside me and take the first swimsuit that I find before heading to the changing room. When I'm about to enter one I notice that all of them are taken; these water polo guys again. Great.

Everything is getting on my nerves this morning. 

Honestly, I felt guilty ever since I had these dirty thoughts about Wooyoung. It seems like he's the only one to excite me and... Crap.

Don't think that way, you shouldn't feel this way.

Maybe I'm the only responsible after all.

Maybe I deserve all of this.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

I sigh and finally decide to get change in a toilet room. I enter the small room and put on my black swimsuit. I have to admit that it really fits my built body perfectly. I always thought I look more confident in it than I actually am.

Usually, I'm willing to go for a swim but right now, I just wish I could be anywhere else. This swim training is stressing the hell out of me and I don't even know why.

Deep breath.

I look at myself in the mirror and get terrified by the vision. I have big dark circles under my eyes and my skin looks so pale and fragile. My missing hours of sleep are really killing me slowly, I sure need to figure out my problems before the competition. If not, I'll do a bad performance.

"San? Are you in there?" I hear Mingi's voice echoing in the locker room snatching me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah. I'm almost done," I respond fast, not letting myself have time to think.

"Okay good, we were just about to start the freestyle." I hear him say in a nervous tone.

"I'll be there," I say against the door waiting for my friend to leave.

I know Mingi is probably worried about me right now. I'm normally the first one in the water, he surely thinks something's up. But I just don't feel like going through a whole interrogation session.

After making sure my friend was gone, I get back to my locker to bring everything I need for the training and exit the room.

***

I walk toward the pool and sense the chlorine filling my nostrils. I love this smell so much. It always reminds me of my high school days when I used to miss school just to go for a swim and get caught...

"San, finally, we were waiting for you." I hear Seonghwa says while I'm putting my towel on a hanger.

I rush to the water seeing I'm the only one missing and take the last spot in Corridor 8. The cold water hit my skin more than I expected it would. It feels really cold right now, I know it will get better after a couple of strokes, but still, I'm freezing.