TRAITOR - woosan

16. my jacket

Wooyoung

"It's okay hyung," I assure him with a smile to make sure to hide the lie. "I really fell asleep early? At what time did he go?" I asked, worried about what the answer could be. I need to know if he saw me with Hongjoong or not. I need to know.

"San went right after you came upstairs, I guess you were really tired." He concludes while finishing his dish.

I drop the fork on my plate. Seonghwa raises his head due to the loud noise.

"Oh sorry," I say quickly while picking it up. "Yeah, I guess I was."

I then force myself to eat the rest of my omelet after hearing the bad news. I really need to put myself together now but the thought of San seeing me with Hongjoong gives me anxiety.

San saw everything. Everything.

***

I jump in Seonghwa's car, ready to experience the longest day of my life. 

First, we have Yeosang. 

My best friend doesn't talk to me because of what happened with Yunho yesterday. I cannot be mad at him for that. I mean, what I did to him was bad, really bad; but Yeosang doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know why I avoid any sign of a relationship... 

That's why he thought we were a couple at some point. 

It just hurt so much that he picked Yunho's side even though we've known each other for much longer. I mean I deserve it, what I did was wrong and I now feel bad for it.

Then we have Hongjoong. 

My 'ex-friend with benefits will probably avoid me today and the day after. I don't care at this point, it just hurt I mess up everything I had. What I did to him wasn't as worst as what I inflicted on Yunho, but close. 

I never meant to say San's name while kissing the red-haired. Never. I would never voluntarily do that. It just happened and I know I have a lot to work from it. 

And finally, we have Yunho. The source of the conflict I'm in. 

I know it's not Yunho's fault that we end up with all this mess, it's mine. I didn't deal with everything when I had the chance. I continued having fun with him with my eyes close hoping he will get bored before he develops feelings for me. I was wrong. And now it's just better for both of us if we don't see each other for a while, to recover. 

So I'm left with my cousin Seonghwa, I guess.

Seonghwa on my right starts the engine and drives me to campus. I look out the window and wonder if I'll see San today. At the party, it was the first time seeing him in a while and only the people from the university were invited. I conclude that we are at the same school but I never saw him. Maybe it's because I spend most of my time in my room. 

Anyway, I'll avoid this spot from now on to give some space to Yeosang, so I'll probably see San around. Hopefully.

I can't believe San went upstairs to look for me at the party. Why... Why? I did not plan to confess my sexuality to him like that. Just the thought of him staring at me and Hongjoong making out makes me want to disappear. What would he think of me? That I'm disgusting? No, I don't think San would ever think that of someone. He's too kind for that. But that doesn't mean he'll accept me. I'm just so scared of his judgment.

I know I'll have to talk to San eventually, explaining that Hongjoong is not important to me or that we didn't sleep together. Well, not that night at least...