TRAITOR - woosan

15. monday

San

"San? We're going to be late if you don't come out now," I hear Haneul screaming against the door. 

"Fuck..." I whisper while turning off the shower and getting out quickly. "I'm coming," I answer in a rush while my sister is still waiting for me outside the bathroom.

I look at my reflection in the mirror while drying myself with a towel. My body seems so pleased by what just happened and the peak of adrenaline was so worth it.

Wooyoung what have you done to me?

***

I sigh and get out of the car. 

"It's the last time I give you a ride," I say bitterness to my sister while closing the door behind me. Haneul gives me a killer look through the window before smashing it in return. 

Haneul knows how screwed I am if I'm late for one class. I'm supposed to have an exemplary record to stay on the swim team, but she doesn't seem to care about it. She probably thinks I'm the one at fault anyway. And she is not completely wrong...

If I hadn't gotten up on that second floor last night, my mind would have been much clearer. That's it, I should put everything on Wooyoung then. His addicting devil smile, dark and lust eyes, and just everything about him make me go crazy. It's all his fault if he is playing with my head right now. 

"It's not my fault you took so long in the shower though." Haneul ripostes looking at me with darker eyes. 

My sister seems pissed from all the attitude I'm giving her. I would too. I know for a fact the only responsible is me. I just hate acting mad at my sister but it's easier for me to do so. 

It's just better to act frustrated rather than vulnerable. Vulnerable over being.. attracted to boys? Well not every boy: Wooyoung.

I shake my head, trying to get these last words out of my head. I'm straight. I'm straight. I'm straight.

"Why did you take so long? It's not like you have many things to do other than shampoo," she adds, putting me out of my trance.

I swallow hard. My cheeks start heating up and I try to ignore it while following my sister in the parking lot. 

She is so far from the truth.

My mind comes back to all the thoughts I had in the shower earlier. They were not meaningless. They meant something. And now I'm in trouble for it.

"I..." I don't have the time to make up a lie interrupted by my phone ringing in my pocket. 

Perfect timing. 

I pick it up in a hurry to answer whatever text I just received. 

"Who is it?" My sister asks intrigued, completely forgetting about her previous question. Great.

Mingi:

Where are you??

"It's Mingi," I simply say unlocking my phone to answer him. 

"What does he want?" She asks looking over my shoulder. 

We continue to walk toward the entrance. I don't think running will make a difference at this point, we are already late. It's almost like I'm taking my time, afraid of the sanction I'll get for showing up to class late.

"Mingi just wants to know if we have a training tomorrow." I lie again while opening the door of the university for my sister.

I know it's another lie, but I'm scared she'll ask about the "me and the shower thing" again if I say honestly what he asked for. I just can't say such a thing out loud. Would you see me admitting that I masturbated over a boy? I'm not even sure if I'll forgive myself one day; that I found it attractive, to see two men kissing each other. Am I driving crazy?