TRAITOR - woosan

33. the grudge

Author's note

It's been a while since I have this chapter in my draft, but here we are finally.

I will really try to publish more often, I am so sorry for the wait.

Pst! The next chapter is coming, be ready (18+)...

Wooyoung

My mind is a little foggy, and I have difficulty to breath.

I really thought it was the best thing to do when I admitted that Haneul knew about us. But now that I said it out loud I don't know anymore. The silence in the car is heavier than the weight of guilt on my shoulders. And San's expression is just screaming that I should have kept this information to myself.

"Don't worry San-ie, your sister will get over it," I try to lighten up the mood a little.

San deep sighs at my words.

"I know," he whispers without even looking at me.

I can tell I did not say what he wanted to hear. San's cold expression makes my heart drop in my chest instantly. It feels like I took something away from him as I just ruined the moment he would have told his sister about his sexuality. I just wanted his coming out to be easy for him not as messy as mine was...

I move my gaze from San to my hands feeling guilty. I never meant to be this clumsy towards him but a lot has been going on in my mind. I am just not able to comfort him while I am not feeling ok myself. I just don't know if I can find the right words to make him feel better.

But I can try, for him.

I gulped heavenly as I was about to speak again but San decided otherwise as he turned the radio's volume on. I took his gesture, as an indication to keep it quiet which hurt my feelings even more, making the water fill my eyes. I really thought that being honest with him would be better... but I guess not.

I look at the houses passing by the window so San won't notice my puffy face. I know we are approaching Seonghwa's house and it only makes me stress even more. I know that I fucked up. I just hope Seonghwa will give me a chance to start over.

I sigh and wipe the tears off my face. At this point, I do not think there is a possibility that he will forgive me. How can he after I slept with Hongjoong?

I need to let him know that I did not mean to hurt him. I did not mean it. I wanted to forget about San because I thought he would never be interested in me. But if San knew about Hongjoong maybe he would not be into me anymore. San really thinks that the red hair is a one-night stand. I can not bring myself to tell him the truth yet but I know one day we will need to have this conversation.

San suddenly stops the car, making me realize we are here.

"Thank you for the ride." Is the only sentence I could think of to break the silence.

I meet San's worried eyes and I smile poorly. I did not mean to create this mess between us but I don't have the strength to lie to him anymore. He is too important for me and it hurts so much to hide stuff from him.

"No problem," he says looking a little disappointed. When San looks at me with those eyes I know it won't take me long to tell him everything.

San continues to stare at me almost hoping that I will flinch but I don't. I can't. I can't tell him after what we did last night. I am too afraid he will run away if he knew the truth and I just don't think I could handle being left alone right now.