clementine // joshler

19

josh's point of view

i'm sitting at home grading some assignments while hayley studies across from me on the couch. we plan on getting some of my packing done when we're finished, but for now, it's a comfortable silence and i'm glad to have her company.

when i get to tyler's assignment, i pause. i stare at his name written on the top right hand corner. i don't understand why i feel so... whatever i'm feeling.

i hear hayley's book close and her stuff being set aside.

"alright. what is it? i see that face. what are you thinking?"

i almost don't want to tell her, but maybe it will finally blow over if i can talk it through.

i sigh. "it's tyler. i feel, like, drawn to him..? i don't know how to explain it. i just want to be around him, you know? it's not pity or anything weird, i-" i pause and shake my head, following her lead and setting my stuff down. "i don't know. i think i just want to be his friend and like, hang out with him. maybe that is weird." i bring my hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose.

"i think you're overthinking. i mean, you guys are close in age and see each other pretty much every day. i think it's normal to feel like that. we had that one substitute that we were friends with. we would all hang out on weekends and he would sell us pot, remember?"

"hayley, that is not the same thing. at all. we were fifteen and he only did all that because he wanted to hook up with you."

"exactly. it's not the same thing, so you don't have to feel bad. you're not doing anything wrong here. you just think too much." she shrugs.

"yeah, i guess."

but i can't shake the feeling it's more.

-

at school the next day, i walk into the teacher's lounge to print a few things. i see the teacher i met the other day making copies and feel a bit of relief. if i have to talk to someone, i'm glad it's her.

"hey! how are you?" she sees me before i can say anything.

"i'm good, just came to print a couple things. how are you today?"

"i'm great! i'll be out of your hair in a second, i think this is almost done," she says.

"oh, no worries at all. take your time. that thing does tend to take awhile, huh."

"yep. not surprising since they haven't replaced it in years." she pats the top of it. "other than slow appliances, you still liking it here so far? any favorites yet?"

"ah, i don't think i have a favorite. my students are all pretty great," i answer, trying to ignore the fact that the first name that actually came to mind was tyler's.

she laughs a little. "oh, come on! we all have a favorite. or at least a least favorite."

"well, i do have a least favorite actually. there is this one student in one of my classes who writes her phone number with a winky face on every single assignment she turns in. i just ignore it but it is kind of annoying," i admit.

beyond the annoyance, it makes me uncomfortable. i choose not to say that part.

"so they're still giving you a hard time?" she takes her papers that have finally finished printing and steps aside.

"yeah, but it's fine. i mean, she has to get the hint at some point." i shrug a little and start preparing the machine's settings for what i need to do.

"you'd be surprised." she pats my shoulder with a soft smile. "i gotta go, but good luck, josh."

after she leaves, i lean against the wall and wait for my papers.