clementine // joshler

26

tyler's point of view

i finish getting ready with a giddy smile and pink cheeks, giggling to myself periodically like an insane person.

i add emily and sydney to a group call again on my way to work and they both answer relatively quickly.

"what?" sydney asks, sounding like she's not quite awake yet.

"you rang?" emily says, obviously much more awake than sydney.

"guys, new mr. dun development."

"okay, i'm up. spill," sydney replies, already more alert now than when she answered.

i tell them about what happened, from the free dessert all the way to him leaving my apartment.

"sloths in santa hats?!"

"i know, right?"

"god, i am a genius. i love this for you, tyler." sydney sighs, pleased with her efforts.

"i can't believe this is what it's like to like someone. you feel this all the time?"

"every few weeks, yeah. you know i like to keep my options open," sydney says, nonchalant.

"so, you got his friend's instagram? any exclusive content on there?" emily asks.

"yeah, his insta is private. i got the things i did from facebook but it seems like he doesn't use it very often. no twitter that i could find either," sydney adds.

"i looked through it some last night because i knew they were hanging out. like i said, she posted that picture of them together on her story. but yeah, there's several pictures of them at concerts together, at an amusement park. she posted about his graduation and his last birthday."

"seeing him through someone else's insta is probably more telling than his own. how his best friend perceives him as opposed to what he shows, you know?" emily says.

"request to follow."

"what?! no! you don't think that's too forward? i don't even know if that's allowed!"

"oh, come on. we're past allowed now. do it. he'll accept, don't worry. trust me," sydney tells me.

i think about it for a second. the worst that could happen is he doesn't accept it.

"okay, fine. i will. i'm almost to work. i'll do it when i park."

"let us know what happens!"

"i will, i will."

we hang up and i arrive at work just a minute or so after. i open instagram and find his account through a photo hayley tagged him in awhile back. i stare at the follow button for a minute and then take a breath and make the request.

i immediately get out of the car and shove my phone in my pocket, knowing that if i don't, i'll end up staring at the screen and unable to do anything else. i head inside and unlock the doors, turning all the lights and the radio on while i'm at it to start opening the store.

i start the opening tasks and hum along to the songs on the radio while i wait for the rest of the staff to get here.

as i'm finishing up and going to make myself a cup of water, i decide to take out my phone again. i have to check. i'll go insane if i have to wait all day for an answer.

but i don't have to. because when the screen lights up, i see two notifications, both from instagram.

joshuadun accepted your follow request.
joshuadun followed you back.

my jaw drops and i screenshot the two notifications, sending it to my groupchat.

tyler: im in ladies 🫣

i then quickly go back to instagram to start scrolling.

emily: NO WAY NWIWNDORLOA

sydney: what did i tell you? i am literally a genius. fuck college! im gonna host a dating competition reality show

i smile at the messages and continue to scroll through the account, being extremely careful not to like any of the older posts. i find myself wondering if he's doing the same.

it dawns on me once again how strange all of this is, how unlikely i thought all of this was to happen. i guess it's interesting how these things go.

even as the other employees arrive and customers start coming in, i find myself lost in thought. i sit in the office, attempting to create the schedule for the week after next.

i just can't shake the feeling i was trying to explain to emily. there's something about him that pulls me, like i want to know every piece of him. i want to know everything about his past and present and help him theorize about his future. i want to know every story and seam, every detail.

i feel like a bit of a creep, but i can't help myself.

i do have doubts though.

what if i'm reading everything wrong? i want to think that surely he feels something too. something like this can't be one-sided... can it?

sometimes when he looks at me, like when he was helping me with my homework, sitting so close... sometimes, i think i can read that same feeling that i get written all over his face. i think i can see some version of myself in his eyes and hear my name on his lips even when he isn't speaking.

i wonder what it would be like to kiss him, to hug him tightly, to really just be around him in a greater capacity than this awkward in-between.

is it awkward for him, too? is it because he feels nervous? or is it because he's genuinely uncomfortable living next to me because i'm his student? there are so many unknowns and all i want is to know him.

i sigh and do my best to finish the schedule. this is going to be a long day.

(an: another shorter one. happy monday!)