clementine // joshler

8

tyler's point of view

"tyler, hey. come sit." he moves so i can come in. "is it okay if i shut the door? the cafeteria can be a bit loud, but if it would make you uncomfortable, we can leave it open."

"oh, no, it's okay. i don't mind." i stand awkwardly by his desk as he pulls a chair up.

he leaves the chair next to his instead of across from it. "here, have a seat. i see you brought your book, that's perfect. since you were sick, i can give you a little summary of-"

"i don't need it." i sit down and watch as he opens his laptop. "sorry for interrupting, but i already finished yesterday's chapters. and today's."

"oh." he pauses. "well, i guess there's not much to catch you up on then. we discussed the chapters and i had everyone fill out a sheet of their thoughts about the symbolism and everything so far for participation points and to prove they read it. that's partially why i wanted to talk to you in person. i was going to try and figure out a way for you to make up the points, because it would have set you back for today too if you didn't get a chance to read it." he turns away from his computer to look at me.

he's so close to me, much closer than i'd realized initially. i can even smell his cologne from here, which is very bad for my sanity.

"right, okay. i can do that."

"ah." he clears his throat. "i guess you can just fill it out now if you want? since you're already here. you don't have to, of course. you can just get it to me tomorrow if you'd rather."

"i-i can go ahead and do it now. might as well." i feel a blush rise to my face when i stutter a bit. i don't think i've ever been this nervous to meet with a teacher before. this just feels... different.

"sounds good." he opens a folder next to him and passes me a piece of paper. "here you go."

"thank you." i smile a little.

this is certainly a nice opportunity to let myself 'feel my feelings,' as jenna said, to let myself indulge in this crush i've developed. however, it's got my mind racing and i can hardly focus on the paper in front of me. i'm reminded of my age at times like this, when it would be easy to let my hormones take over and make a complete fool of myself.

"oh, i, um... i'm glad that you're feeling better, by the way. i heard a bug was going around."

"thank you. it was pretty terrible." i tap my eraser against the paper, my eyes abandoning the sheet to look at him again. i quickly decide that was a bad idea and look back down.

"i'm surprised you got the reading done. i'm grateful though, don't get me wrong." he laughs a little, trying to make conversation i guess. this may be just as awkward for him as it is for me.

"it's a good book. so far at least. it wasn't bad."

"yeah? i'm glad."

we talk about the book for a little bit as i slowly fill out the paper in-between sentences. i feel like he's really taking me seriously here, like he cares about the opinions i'm sharing. and it's weird.

i push past it the best i can and the assignment only ends up taking half of the lunch period.

"i, uh, i'm done now, so i think i'm gonna go finish lunch with my friends, if that's alright. i'm sorry i was absent so early in the year. i feel so... irresponsible."i stand but leave my paper on his desk. "i hate missing school and work and everything, so thank you for letting me make this up. i really appreciate it."

"hey, no, it's okay. you don't have to freak out or anything. i promise, you're not going to fall behind just taking a sick day or two, or even three, throughout the semester. don't worry so much. i appreciate you being willing to catch up." he smiles at me again, but it's not condescending like it would be from most teachers. it's warm and genuine and he means it.

he treats me like an individual, like an equal. he's not an authority, i'm not a child. we're just... people. even at work, i'm treated like a kid by customers and a few of my older coworkers. the younger ones treat me even worse for holding a position above them. even sydney and emily, though they're my best friends and i couldn't live without them, feel a little out of touch sometimes. i don't blame them for not growing up the way i did and not learning how to survive the way i did, but they still don't quite get what it's like to be fully independent.

mr. dun, without knowing anything about my past or even much about me in general, treats me like im normal, like i'm just tyler.

"thank you, mr. dun. i have a lot on my plate so thats nice to hear." i pick up my backpack and my book, shifting my weight from foot to foot, hesitating to leave just yet for some reason and trapped in the eye contact we're holding.

"do you... want to talk about anything else then, tyler?" he asks, his tone still just as genuine as his smile.

"no, i'm okay." i finally pull my eyes away to look down at my shoes. "thanks again though. i'll see you in class."

"see you soon then."

as soon as i'm out of his classroom with the door shut behind me, i let out a deep breath. jeez.

i find emily and sydney at our usual table in the cafeteria and they both seem thrilled to see me.

"hello, traitor. back so soon?" sydney flicks a pea at me.

i flick it back to her. "yep."

sydney rolls her eyes. "okay, whatever, i can't even pretend to be mad. tell us how it went!"

"it was fine. we talked about the book, i did the assignment, i came back here. nothing else to it."

and that's a lie.

because unfortunately, i think there is something else to it.

(an: DEDICATED TO @tylerjjoseph-HAPPY BIRTHDAY DENDEN ILU BESTIE SORRY THIS IS UNEDITED)