tyler's point of view
i go to school exhausted the next day. thankfully, sydney brought me a coffee this morning. it helped me get through my first couple of classes, but by the time i get to lunch, i still feel like i could take a nap if i put my head down and closed my eyes for more than a couple minutes.
sydney is talking about some drama she overheard, something about two boys fighting over who the father of one of their girlfriend's baby is. i do my best to pay attention.
"what're you thinking, ty? you look half dead over there," sydney says, pulling me out of my thoughts. i guess she'd finished her story without me realizing.
"shit, sorry. i'm still kinda tired is all. and i just still feel that all we've been talking about lately is me and my stuff. i don't want it to be like that." i sigh.
i have been feeling extra guilty about it lately. i don't want this to take up my entire life. i don't want to be that person.
"psh, whatever. don't be like that. your stuff has been more interesting recently anyways," sydney reassures, waving a dismissing hand at me with a smile. "we love seeing you all happy and in love, ty-guy."
"i wouldn't say love..."
"buuut my birthday is coming up this weekend!" emily interjects.
"ooo, party at tyler's." sydney looks to me with raised eyebrows.
"sure. i'm pretty sure i scheduled myself off that day but i'll double check. what do you want us to get you?"
"you do not have to get me anything." she shakes her head.
"we're going to, so you might as well tell us some things you want or need," sydney replies.
"you guys know me. i like candles, books, plants, stuff like that."
"god, you are so lame," sydney teases, giggling through her words.
"shut up." emily laughs with her and i wrap an arm around her shoulders.
"you know we love you, em," i tell her.
"yes! and you love-"
"hi, mr. dun!" emily cuts sydney off just in time.
i didn't even see him about to walk by but upon hearing his name, he stops to say hi.
"hey, emily, tyler. and you're sydney? right?"
"yes, sir!"
"cool, glad i remembered. have a good lunch, guys." he leaves with a small smile, nodding once as his goodbye.
i feel my face burning and i could just about kill sydney right now.
"man, fuck you guys." i shake my head and gather up our trash to throw away.
their laughter is contagious though and i walk away with a smile despite my embarrassment.
when emily and i get to mr. dun's class, he tells us we can have a work day. i opt to use most of the time to finish up my rough draft and then pull out my phone when i'm done.
i go back to josh's profile and do some light internet stalking. i scroll down a bit and find a photo of him with hayley at the beach. they're both smiling wide, all sun-kissed cheeks and wet hair as they stand in front of the ocean.
he's shirtless in the picture, wearing only his swim-trunks and the colorful tattoo inked onto his arm.
he's so attractive, too attractive even. i feel like i am in way over my head, regardless of sydney's reassurance. i'm so awkward and shy and i always look like a tomato when he sees me, a sunburn from his bright smile alone gracing my cheeks.
the bell rings before my thoughts can get too out of hand and i'm grateful he was not standing anywhere remotely near my desk as i bookmark the picture before heading off to my next class.
-
friday afternoon, sydney and i go to a few different stores to look for gifts for emily.
"i'm glad things are going well with mr. dun," sydney says, picking up a candle to smell it. she scrunches her nose up at the scent and holds it out to me. "smell this."
"why would i smell something that made you make that face?"
"because you're my friend. you have to suffer in solidarity."
"fine." i sigh and then smell the candle pulling away quickly. "that smells like the locker room after p.e."
"right?" she puts it back on the shelf. "i didn't miss you skipping over my comment, by the way."
"he asked me to call him josh outside of school. it feels weird to refer to him by his first name."
"get used to it. when you two get together-"
"if."
she tilts her head to the side. "when. don't doubt me. anyway, you'll still have to call him mr. dun inside of school, but josh outside of school, and it'll feel even weirder then. i guess you could call him mr. dun in bed, if he's into that, but i don't think he's that type."
"sydney! please. you can't just say stuff like that in public. or ever!"
"oh, come on," she waves her hand to dismiss my objection. "it's fine. help me pick out a stupid candle."
once we've both bought a few things for emily, we pick out wrapping paper and checkout, taking everything back to my apartment after.
"so you get off at four tomorrow and we're meeting here around five?" she asks, taping a fold in the paper.
she's always been so good at wrapping presents and i'm absolutely dreadful at it. hers look like props from a home and garden magazine and mine... looks like it was wrapped by a fourth grader.
"that's the plan, yeah."
we talk about emily's last birthday, how we all sat in my living room with the cake pan and three forks. we watched her favorite movie and used a face-mask that we discovered was expired only after we'd
washed it off.
when we're finished wrapping presents, we leave them on my kitchen table and hang up a few streamers, leaving the helium balloons we bought at the store earlier close the corner of the dining room area.
i take sydney home after everything is ready. when i get back, i try to imagine emily walking in to see it all as i walk through my door.
i smile to myself as i look around. it always makes me so happy to be able to do nice things like this for my friends. they've been there for me through so, so much and they've helped me in so many ways.
it's always been just us, our little family of three. i made this life for myself, but they helped me get here.
they do the same special things for me, which has always felt strange. my father never participated in holidays. a toy from my aunt's house rewrapped for me when my cousin no longer wanted it was the closest i got for christmas. a clearance rack, store-bought cake on my birthday, never with a candle.
i wonder sometimes if i had a different childhood, if things would be different for me. i wonder if i'd have the same friends by my side, the same values, wants, and fears.
but i made this life for myself. so i might as well do my best to enjoy it.
(an: there's something to be said about the small detail of tyler not knowing how to properly wrap presents.)
YOU ARE READING
clementine // joshler
Fanfiction"i don't need anyone. i just need everyone and then some." - in which tyler is a senior in high-school who's been living on his own for two years and josh is a teacher fresh out of college who's just gotten out of a four-year relationship. - #1 in t...
