clementine // joshler

13

josh's point of view

"so, guess who i saw at dinner tonight?"

"who?"

"mr. star student! taylor and i went to eat earlier and he brought us our food."

"please tell me you didn't ask about me." i sigh, knowing the answer before i even finish speaking.

"of course i did! what kind of friend would i be if i didn't?"

"a better one."

she snorts. "right. okay. do you wanna know what he said or not?"

"...yeah."

"that's what i thought. i asked him how you were doing and he said you were great. he even said you were his favorite class! i told him that it was nice to be proven right and that i always knew you would be good, even though you're always so worried all your students hate you or whatever."

as much as i wish she could've left the last bit of her comment off, it is nice to know that i'm doing something right.

"yeah, he seems like a good person." i stare up at the ceiling from where i'm lying on the couch. "i mean, i don't know him very well or anything, but he's good in class."

"a good person, huh? why'd you say it like that?"

"well, he's not a kid and he's not just a student. he's a person with a job and a life and i don't want to diminish that."

she's quiet for a minute and then says, "you're so good at what you do, j. you were made for this."

"thank you, that really does mean a lot." i pause and smile. "you're good at your job too, h."

"i'm a barista and i hate my job," her tone is flat and it makes me laugh.

"yep, and you make the best damn cappuccino i've ever had!" i tease her, smile lingering on my face.

"shut up." she finally laughs a little, her act of annoyance fading.

"yeah, i probably should actually. i've got school in the morning, i need to shower and stuff." i sit up and yawn. it's not too late yet but i'm already tired.

"hey, wait. i wanted to ask how you were. like, for real," her tone is softer now, more gentle.

"i'm good. having a job i love really takes my mind off of everything. even though it sucked, i think it was probably for the better anyway. we just didn't want the same things in the end. i think that's okay."

she pauses for a minute to take that in before actually responding. "are you lying?"

"only a little. i really am okay. i'm still a bit bitter but i love my job and that helps a lot," i answer honestly, knowing she knows me too well for me to bother trying not to. 

"i'm proud of you, j."

"you know, i think i'm proud of me, too."

-

tyler walks into the classroom a few minutes before lunch is meant to be over.

i look up from my laptop to speak to him, "hey, tyler. how are you?"

"hi, i'm good. um, emily just wanted me to stop by and tell you she's going to be absent today. i guess she caught whatever is going around," he says, his voice quiet.

"oh, alright. no problem. thanks for letting me know." i offer a small smile, hoping it will help to make him feel less awkward.

"yeah." he nods, seeming a bit relieved. "cool, thanks. i'm gonna just... go ahead and sit down now, if that's okay? i know i'm a little early." he turns to walk to his seat in the back of the room and then i remember my conversation with hayley last night.

"oh, tyler, wait. i actually wanted to talk to you for a minute."

he turns back to step towards my desk again. "hm?"

"i was just going to apologize. hayley said she saw you last night while you were working. she said she asked about me, which i've asked her not to do. i wanted to say i'm sorry if she embarrassed you or anything. she's great and she means no harm, but she has no concept of social boundaries most of the time," i explain.

"oh." he gives me a small smile of his own in return. "no worries, she's fine. ive dealt with much worse. you'd be surprised how bitter people can be when they ask to speak to a manager and i'm the one they have to talk to."

"you're a manager? that's impressive."

he nods. "thanks. someone's gotta pay the bills, you know." his lips press into a tight smile and the thought that i've made him anxious makes me feel terrible.

"ah. i had to work a lot to help out my family when i was in high-school. i know that can be stressful, to worry about bills and that kind of thing."

"no, i, um... i was emancipated. two years ago. i live alone." he looks down at his shoes.

shit.

"oh. i'm sorry, tyler. i didn't mean to-"

"it's cool, i'm used to it. i don't need the pity or whatever. no need for the sorry," he says. his voice isn't cold or mean, it's not sarcastic or even sad. it's just... distant.

"i don't pity you at all, tyler. i was apologizing for making an assumption. i can't imagine how difficult that is." i pause for a second and then add, "and if no one has told you, i'm proud of you. you must be a very... responsible young man."

he smiles a little at that, his cheeks pink when he looks up from the floor. "come on, don't 'young man' me. you're not that much older than i am."

"right, sorry." i let out a nervous laugh and then clear my throat. "um, anyway. i also wanted to say that hayley told me what you said, so thank you. it means a lot."

"oh." he looks down again, his cheeks staining a darker shade of pink. "yeah. i've just never had a teacher that really seems to... care, i guess. or one that i don't find intimidating. you're easier to talk to because you're younger and more relatable. you're not, like, fifty-nine and going through a divorce. and you don't look like you'd call me a slur if we saw each other at the gas station." his smile is more genuine when he finally looks up again.

i smile back at him, laughing at the way he has very obviously described the teacher in the room across from mine. "i'm glad to hear that. but in all seriousness, tyler, if anyone does give you a hard time, calls you a slur or something, just know this is a safe space, okay? you can always talk to me. i got so much crap in school for being bi. i can at least understand that kind of thing."

i wonder momentarily if i shouldn't have told him that last part, if that was a boundary i'm supposed to stay behind as a teacher. too late now i guess.

something changes in his expression and i can't tell what it is, but he thankfully doesn't seem uncomfortable in any way.

"thank you, mr. dun. really."

the bell rings and he just nods once before going to take his seat. i feel good knowing that i've made some kind of connection, some kind of breakthrough.

it's nice to know im doing something real.

(an: not my best chapter but they each got some important new information about each other within the exchange 🥸 about 1200 words today, friends!)