clementine // joshler

53

tyler's point of view

the semester seems to be going by so quickly that when josh knocks on my door at half past five with a smile on his face and tells me 'happy valentines day,' i almost don't believe him.

"what? already?" my eyes go wide and i feel my stomach drop.

"what do you mean? did you not know what day it is?" he asks.

there's not even an ounce of sadness or anger in his face or voice, nothing to indicate that he's upset. regardless, i hide my face in my hands and feel the dread of guilt.

"no, i, um, i guess not. i'm sorry." i step aside to let him in, closing the door behind him. "god, i feel so bad. i'm so sorry."

he pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head. "don't feel bad. it's alright. i just wanted to see you. it's no big deal."

i break the hug first and shake my head. "no, i just... i feel like i remember sydney and emily mentioning it and i still... i've been so busy with work and everything and i just-"

"tyler, hey." he brings his hands to cup my cheeks. "breathe. it's okay. i know you've been stressed lately. i'm not upset. i just wanted to hang out with you, it doesn't really matter what day it is."

"you promise?"

"i swear. is there anything i can do to help you?"

"i don't think so. i know we don't ever do much, but just laying with you for awhile would be nice," i admit, looking up at him.

"ooh, the elusive bedroom of tyler joseph."

"you've seen my room before," i scoff, but i already feel a little better than i did before he knocked on the door.

"only a few times. we usually go to my apartment. not that i mind," he says, following me to my room.

we lie down, my head on his chest and his hand rubbing my back. it's nice to relax, to ground myself in this moment without worrying about anything else.

"i'm sorry if i've been kinda... checked out lately."

"it's okay, i understand. you've only got like three months left, it's a stressful time."

"god. three months. that's so soon," i mumble, partially to myself.

the year has gone by so fast, i guess because it's my last year of high school. it's crazy to think that this time next year, i'll be coming up on the end of my first year of college.

"mhm. that means it won't be long before i'm taking you on that date."

i sit up and look down at him. "i keep forgetting that. we'll be able to be like... a public couple."

"and i'll be able show you off. my perfect boyfriend." he sits up next to me to kiss my cheek.

i've never been in a real relationship before now, but i feel very grateful to have gotten the hang of it in private. being public seems intimidating, like i'll have something to prove. something to protect. something to lose.

"i am not perfect."

"you're perfect to me."

"okay, one direction." i can't help but to laugh a little. "you big sap."

"yeah, okay. that's fair." he laughs with me and the sound makes my heart beat faster.

"i love your laugh." i pause when he turns to look at me and bring my hand up to his cheek the way he always does to me. "i love the way your eyes crinkle up at the sides and your tongue pokes out just a little. you have such a nice smile."