clementine // joshler

31

josh's point of view

after school monday, i stay back to get some grades entered online and look over the schedule for the next couple weeks. that's when i'm reminded by my calendar that it's almost halloween.

i take a moment then to try and think of something i could do or make for my classes on the holiday. i decide before i leave that i'll try to pick up some decorations and make cupcakes or something to bring.

this also brings me to the realization that the first semester is almost over. it feels like it's flown by and i've been so wrapped up in... everything. i hardly noticed the time passing.

on my way home, i shuffle the music on my phone and hum along as i drive. as i'm nearing the apartment complex, a song by the band i saw with tyler, hayley, and taylor comes on.

i think back to the way he looked under the lights flashing at the show, how he smiled with pink cheeks and a shine in his eyes that i'd never seen before. i think of how badly i wanted to put my arm around him, any excuse to just touch him. i think of how his hand felt in mine and how i didn't want to let go. then he hugged me before going inside and i stood there for a few seconds after, feeling like i should've kissed him.

i pull into a parking spot and drop my head down so my forehead rests on the steering wheel.

he doesn't even feel like a student is the thing. he feels like a friend. a friend that i wanted to kiss.

isn't that illegal? it's at least against the rules. i would definitely get fired and lose my teaching license. i can't do this. jesus christ, what is happening to me?

a knock on my window has me jolting up right, scaring me out of my thoughts. i see tyler standing there, because of course he is. i roll the window down and even being that close to him makes me nervous.

"oh, hey, tyler. what's, uh... what's up?"

"i was about to go get some groceries, but i saw you looked kinda upset, so i came to make sure you were okay..?" he tilts his head to the side just barely, his eyes full of concern.

"yeah, i'm fine. i actually was going to go in and change and then head to the store myself. thank you though." i offer him a small smile and i'm not sure if it's convincing enough.

"you're sure you're okay..?" he asks again,
seeming skeptical.

"promise."

"maybe i'll see you there then." his lips turn up into a much better smile than mine and then he walks away.

i roll my window back up and get my things together. once i get inside my apartment, i groan in something between annoyance and self-pity and then take a shower.

i stand there until the water goes cold and put on some more comfortable clothes when i get out. i dial hayley's number and fill her in on my most recent breakdown. she listens, like she always does, to my wistful ranting.

"again, josh, i don't think you're bad. in like seven months, it won't even matter because he'll be graduating."

"i need you to tell me i'm not, like, a weird, creepy pervert."

"i don't think you're creepy or a pervert but you are definitely weird."

"wow, thanks."

"you know i love you, j."

"i love you too, h."

-

i do actually end up running into tyler at the store.

"hey there, neighbor." he smiles, stopping his cart next to mine.

"hey, tyler." i smile back at him.

"i see you showered. probably a good choice." he giggles, looking up to my hair,
which is still damp.