Inhliziyo Yami Yopha: My Heart Bleeds

Prologue

"Baby please don't go...it's not worth it. We can live with what we have, you honestly don't have to do this!" I say to him.

"My love, you know we need this money, I have no choice. You're pregnant and we need this so we can prepare for our baby and provide them with whatever he/she needs." My boyfriend, Lunga, says.

Him and his friends are going to hijack a 'Cash-in-Transit' truck and steal all the money inside it which I overheard them saying it's approximately, 10 million rands. I don't know how true this is but these things never end well and I don't want my boyfriend getting caught up in all of this.

They have been planning this heist for weeks and I still can't shake off the feeling that something bad is going to happen there. I've told him this plenty of times but he is not hearing me. He thinks I'm just being paranoid and that he's certain none of what I've been dreaming of, will happen.

Since we found out I am three months pregnant he has been super excited to meet his bundle of joy even though I'm still in the early stages of my pregnancy. It was definitely an unplanned pregnancy but we are happy about it nonetheless. We always used protection but I  guess the condoms and contraceptive pills can only work for so long. We have relied on these methods for the past two years since we started dating. They had worked quite well... until recently.

I met Lunga when I was in matric and it really wasn't a 'Love at first sight' kind of situation. He pursued me for months on end, and because I didn't want to distract myself with boys at the time, I told him to wait until I turned 19 so we can try dating.

I never thought he'd wait for me, more especially because he was and still is, just one of the guys from the township. I was not a saint or a fool when I started dating him, so I had no fear of us being intimate when the time came.

He has always been a gentleman regardless of his "bad boy" appearance. I asked him once, why he was the way he was and he responded by saying, "Sthandwa sam, phela ngakhuliswa ugogo mina. Beka ngathandi nje umuntu ophatha abantu besifazane kabi. (My love, this is because I was raised by my grandmother. She didn't like a person who mistreated women.)".

Fast forward and we started dating. Afteer some time, I moved in with him when I finished matric because the situation at home was unbearable. I was very reluctant about the idea at first but then when things got too much, I gave in and moved out.

My parents died when I was 13 years old and I had to move in with my uncle and his wife. My uncle was a sweetheart and he treated me like his own.Unfortunately he passed on as well when I turned 15.

It was the hardest time of my life as I was now left with my uncle's wife who used to be verbally and physically abusive towards me whenever she got the chance. It was tough living with her and when I found an escape, I left and never looked back. That is how I found myself cohabiting at such a young age.

My living situation right now doesn't bother me that much because Lunga has shown nothing but love towards me. Never have I ever heard him boast about him being the breadwinner. Money for toiletry; food and for me to look presentable, is always placed on the table without fail.

He is the only one who brings any form of income in our lives as I'm still in varsity studying. And he doesn't have a permanent job so he hustles every now and again. Usually his hustling entails doing piece jobs, like gardening or fixing people's appliances.

This is the first time he'll be doing anything illegal and that's why I'm scared shitless about him doing this job. He has a diploma in electrical engineering but because of the unemployment rates in South Africa, he hasn't been able to find a permanent job. I don't want him to do this but I know there's no changing his mind once it's made up.

"Sthandwa sami ngiyaku thembisa, ngizobuya ngiphephile. (My love I promise you, I'll come back unharmed.)" He says as he gives me a soft kiss.

Sigh.

Well what use would it be holding on to fear when there is no changing his mind. I guess I can just pray for the best and hope he doesn't get caught. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. I should live in the moment as he always suggests.

"Okay. But after this, no more illegal business Lunga siyezwana!? (...are we clear!?)" I say to him sulking.

"Yes baby...now come let me help you relax before I leave." He says as he unhooks my bra.

***************

Lunga left last night and he hasn't returned. He told me before he left that he'll probably come back two days after the job is done because they need to lay low. I'm trying not to think about it too much but that horrible feeling in my gut is just not giving me any rest.

I feel like something terrible has happened and it's unfortunate that there's no way to get ahold of him. They all decided that they won't have any phones with them when they carry out the mission. Maybe I shouldn't stress so much because some of the friends that he went with, are not new to this kind of thing.

I'm currently doing some cleaning around the house trying to get my mind off of things. It's not even dirty because we only live together in his grandmother's RDP, but I still feel the need to clean.

One thing that he was able to do long ago though, was extend the house. He did that when his grandma passed on and left the house in his name. He was  the only one person listed as a beneficiary from all the policies she had, so he had money to spend.

With all the money the insurances paid out, he did the right thing by extending this place. He added two more bedrooms, a larger living room and extended the kitchen as well. I love how responsible he is and I'm glad that our child will live in a comfortable home filled with love from both parents. I cannot ask for a better partner than him, he is IT for me.

It's later in the day and I just had something to eat leaving me feeling like a pig. My phone rings and in my 'stuffed' situation, it makes getting off the couch a struggle. I left my phone in the kitchen because well, I didn't think I'd get a call from anyone besides my love.

"Hello?" I say after answering the phone. It's  a number I don't recognize and I'm hoping its not one of those telemarketers because I'm not in the mood.

"Hello. Is this Ms Nombuso Khoza?" I don't recognize this man's voice, I wonder what he wants from me. And where did he get my numbers?

"Yes this is she speaking. How may I help you?" I say to him eager to hear what he has to say.

"This is Captain Ndlovu speaking. I'm calling from SAPS Hillbrow police station. Do you know a Lunga Mthimkhulu?" My heart starts racing because why else would I get a call from a detective if this call means what I think it does. Is my man arrested now? I told him not to go there!

"Uh yes...yes I do. He's my boyfriend. What did he do?" I ask with my voice trembling.

"Well ma'am I'm sorry to inform you but Mr Mthimkhulu was shot in the early hours of this morning during a shoot-out between his crew and the police. Would you be able to come down to Hospital Hill to identify his body?" He finishes off and my mind can't register what he's saying.

My Lunga? Dead? No...it can't be. He promised he'll come back to me unharmed. He promised and he never breaks his promises. Not my man!

"Ma'am? Ma'am are you there?" I can't find the words to respond as I let out a loud sob crashing onto the floor. I cry because how could he leave me all alone with his child to raise. Oh my baby? He or she won't get to know how wonderful of a man their father was.

I cry for a long time till I feel like my air is being sucked out of my lungs and my breathing slow down. What's happening to me? And when did I pee on myself? I surely would have felt the need to rush to the toilet.

I look down and no it is not pee that I felt but blood. Oh no!!! I can't lose my baby as well. I scream for help as I can't seem to find the strength to stand up and go ask for help. I see my neighbour, Kedibone, bursting through the door looking frantic. I can't hear a word she's saying as I'm tending to the pains I feel in my abdominal area.

I can't lose my baby as well...Lord please help me and save my baby. Please God!!