Inhliziyo Yami Yopha: My Heart Bleeds

Chapter 32

THAMSANQA

The time for me to propose to the love of my life is rapidly approaching and I'm starting to feel scared. I think it's what some might call "Proposal jitters", if that is even a real thing. To be honest, her and I are already an item so I don't see why I should stress over the fact that she might accept or decline my offer.

Whatever decision she takes, I will still be with her and that includes her rejecting me. Yes, this proposal thing started off as me trying to get Maria off my back but now I'm more than excited about having someone to call my wife. Believe or not, I do feel like I'm ready to settle down and hopefully, get to start my family after a few months of getting married.

Now the reason I'm stressing out so much is because Nombuso and I have never really went deep into the conversation of marriage and kids. Right now, I'm blank as to how she'll take my request after her entire experience of losing her late boyfriend and also the miscarriage.

The thought of her saying no gutters me because it's very painful to get rejected. This would mean that she doesn't see me as nothing more than her boyfriend. And would I really be comfortable with settling for a boyfriend title and not a husband? I don't think so.

It's just a hard pill to swallow and especially when you're completely in love with this person. But then I have to consider her feelings as well and that she might not want to be my wife yet. There's a lot of things to consider before thinking of marrying anyone but I truly believe we can make it work as we learn more things about each other as time goes.

I remember how my father used to always emphasize on how males are the one who are supposed to do the loving and, the females have to do the respecting in a relationship. He said that's the only way a relationship will truly be successful because everyone knows where they stand in it.

But truth of the matter is that, times have changed and that's not the logic most people have or use. It's all about doing things equally and learning how to take responsibility of their actions. This is why I love the new generation.

As much as we yearn to fall in love, we know our worth and that we deserve better. There's no use being in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, it would be unfair on you as well as whoever has their eyes on you.

So I guess my father's teachings won't help me in any way this time around. Oh and how badly I wish they could have. But I guess this time calls for me to be my own person and face whatever decision she takes on my own with no shoulder to cry on.

I'm never late to pick her up so I make sure that I arrive at her place exactly thirty minutes before the time we agreed on. My lady here, is really just a slow person in nature so best believe that her prepation time, takes longer than usual.

My car is parked outside her gate as I wait for the remaing to time to deplete. I don't want to disturb whatever mojo she has going on to get dressed so it is best I keep my ass on the seat of this car of mine.

By the time thirty minutes is up, I'm already out of the car and knocking on my girlfriend's door. I truly hope tonight is the last night I refer to her as girlfriend and hopefully we move to the fiancé stage. After all, marriage is the goal when one gets into relationships... or is not?

The door is opened in less than two minutes, which means she's eager about tonight just as much as I am. And of course, our reasons of excitement are totally different but who cares, as long as we're both in a good space.

My jaw just dropped as I looked at how gorgeous she looks tonight. She's wearing a beautiful strapless, silk dress with a long slit on one side topped off with a pair of black stilettos. Now I feel under-dressed as I'm wearing a polo t-shirt and Khaki pants. But at least I'm wearing loafers, which is not all too bad.